Tomorrow is day 1

[Matthew6]

Hello. I have been an on and off lurker here for years, since my wife joined al anon. Well now it is serious and i need/want/have to fix it. Like alot of people I would think, i stop knowing full well i did it just to appease her. Well that worked for a while. Al anon taught her "detachment". Detachment killed me....after a year I started resenting her for it. So......2 years later i had to leave. Now, her detachment wasn't to stop covering up for me or my problems. No drinking/driving, legal,violent issues. No (few in 30 years) embarrassing behaviour. My 3 grown kids love and support my decisions knowing full well my issues. Just dad. I have always done as she says "everything your supposed to". Small business owner for 18 years, good loyal family man.

So anyway, my point is i left. Thought i was this great untouchable guy. Go get apartment, women have fun......been married since i was 18. Well lived in hotel for 2 weeks, no interest in women (except her) and no fun. Tried to make amends to no avail.....just no, i can't do this anymore. I'm sure she still loves me, just not in love with me. We are very amicable. I still have a 7 year old beautiful baby girl at home. There were never fights or issues in the home. She is just tired of the drinking. I was raised this way, you get off work come home and drink.....till drunk. This worked for 20 years (married 26), she mostly participated. Not anymore. Never thought we would split.....still unreal!

So, now i sit in my little apartment down the street from my very nice home and realized not everyone lives like that (drunk after 5). I want my life back without the damn Jack Daniels. I will miss him but i am missing them more.

This post is to hold me accountable, so i have to check in everyday. Ordered myo program and start aa tomorrow.

If you know god pray for me. She (wife) does. My youngest son does....he is in school to be a pastor. My older son is going to be me and my oldest daughter is holding her own at 30. I have an awesome grandson that is 1. I hope i can work the programs and then pull son 1 along.......I've been drunk longer than he has been alive, so if i can do it he will see that, and come along for his son....i have to be the one to break the cycle. Live and learn.

Well now that i have made myself cry.....for the first time in i dont know when.
I got to go.
Thank you if you read all this. I will be back.

[lex]

Welcome! You can do this. You and me have a lot in common e.g., age, kids, etc. You can do this! I'm seven months sober and loving it! Seriously!

Lex

[abcowboy]

Welcome Matthew! We all share similar stories! You've come to the right place to get additional help and support along with your AA program. Stick with it, you can do it, just take it one day at a time! I know it works because it did for me!

[Byrdlady]

Me, too, Cowboy! Welcome aboard, Matthew, 2 great links in my signature line, Newbies Nest is a wonderful place to learn and the Tool Box is full of tips and tricks to help you! We are so glad you found us! This place saves lives and Im one of them! Byrdie

[j-vo]

Welcome Matthew,
You've found a place where you can receive the much needed support (we all need). There are so many people here who can guide you, but ultimately you will do the work. It's always great to have so many people who care and are in your corner. We've either all been there or are trying to get out of the hole. Climb out with us.

[Quit wining]

Welcome Matthew! You've come to a great place.

You'll find lots of people who have gone through /are going through what you are. Check out Newbies Nest. We're non-judgemental, we help each other and your fellow nesters will do everything we can to help.

[Matthew6]

Thank you all for the replies. I read alot of forums but never post, you're all amazing. I just feel so out there, my world is upside down. My baby is 1\4 mile away.....might as well be a millon. Tears.

Byrdlady and cowboy, I've read alot of your posts. Byrdlady special thanks to you.....I'm sure you have helped way more people than you know. I'm posting because of you.

[NoSugar]

I grabbed onto Byrdie's feathers, Matthew, and never looked back. I hope you do that, too. :welcome:

[lizker]

Welcome to Mwo Matthew, sorry that alcohol has robbed you of your life partner and ripped you from your family. Majority of us have paid very heavily for choosing alcohol. Hopefully the damage is not permanent. You are in good company here and we are here to support you, encourage and share our experiences in battling this beast. Best of luck.

[idefineme]

Hey, Matthew, welcome aboard. I am a newbie here too, been lurking for probably a half year before "joining", and so far have gotten phenomenal support. You've come to the right place! Like Quit Wining says, it's a non-judgmental environment and provides tons of loving support.
It sounds like you're in a pretty tight spot, so I imagine you'd like for things to get better. Stick around here, post your butt off, do whatever you gotta do to make your move. We may all be cyber, but we're still real and can and will provide lots of information and support. See you around!

[Matthew6]

Day one started, got to work ok. My kids (2 oldest work with me) look at me with concern, but are very supportive and told me that they love and respect me. I have never had emotions but now i am a mess.....this may be the worst day of my life.

[NoSugar]

.....this may be the worst day of my life.

Or the best! None of us who have gotten over an addiction have any regrets about day 1 -- other than that we did not do it sooner. I promise you that this is not as scary as you might feel like it is right now and the rewards are greater than you can imagine. It is wonderful that your kids have your back. Available enlisted her adult kids to help keep her on track - maybe you could read some of her posts and be encouraged by seeing the fabulous relationships she now has with her adult kids.

Hang in there and keep us posted. All the best, NS

[paulywogg]

Hi Matthew,just take it easy on yourself today,get through work and then go home and rest,I'm glad your kids are there to help you out,wishing you strength,you can do this

[Byrdlady]

We are thinking of you today! It will be a DIFFERENT DAY, but I bet it won't be the worst by t long shot! When you wake up tomorrow, you are going to have the most wonderful sense of pride and accomplishment!
Keep yourself FULL...like Thanksgiving full! Stay hydrated and stay glued in here. There are 7 years of history to mull over! I will keep an eye out for you tonight... before you know it, D1 will be behind you! All you gotta do is get thru this day. Byrdie

[Matt M.]

Welcome Matthew,
A little over a year ago I was feeling and experiencing some of the same things you have mentioned. I was beaten, battered, defeated, depressed. Life as I know it today is polar opposite of then, my life and relationships with my wife and 3 kids have never been better!
Like NoSugar mentioned this can end up being the best day of your life or the first day of the rest of your life. ..
You are not alone with your feelings, most of us have experienced all the things you've mentioned.

Stay close to the Nest and follow the successful ones in front of you, and you too can experience a great life without Alcohol....