Life reflections : Whats next for me ?

[Rahulthesweet]

Its good so sometime sit and see life's reflections.
its like seeing a plant's reflection on a lake
which keeps growing year after year.

So today I see myself.
An addict who is recovering
I say this even after 1.8 years of sobriety
As one should not forget all the life changing moments
Moments which call big ripples on the lake
and disturbs the reflection of ourselves

I have had many life changing moments.
Childhood has its own issues
surrounded by family and cousins in early days
then completely loneliness in teens ...

my love with computers, programming and games
I guess I was addicted to technology
preferred to sit for hours in front of computer
rather than making friends

She became my life
brought optimism to my lonely life
those were good days in university
like magic ...
but I know i was once again addicted
addicted to her ... some call it passion
some love
But I knew it will never last

reflections changes when we start working
and I doing my own business
work then kinda became my addiction
travelling, working, drinking ...
and more drinking ...

But the loneliness was always there
the void which stayed even after marriage
i guess two people can be different
drinking never stopped
it helped ?
I cant say but as I see myself now
it was not important part of me then
not so long ago
it was just like yesterday

When did drinking took over me ?
marriage ? first child ? second ?
I dont know . I was drunk in all those situations
any many many more ..

Today when I do to other "occasions"
I cant describe how I feel ...
"been there done that"
"I am proud and sober"

I recall the life changing moment
when i knew i realized i was an alocholic
and i knoew i could not do anything
i didnt enjoy drinking
it enjoyed me
it was consuming me
slowly every day
i was its slave
daily drinking
hinding, lies, guilt

the tough challenge of sobriety
Early days were so vulnerable
so challenging so different
yet so wonderful
I felt free
as days progressed I saw the life itself
not the reflections
I saw myself ... a big tree

found new challenges.
cycling was wonderful
i celebrated by sober life with my new found love
cycling
10 km, then 30, then 60 then wanted to reach 100 km in a day
then it happed
accident !

I am no new to accident
had many especially drunk.
smashed car so many times
its a miracle I didnt get killed anyone
DUI - yes got arrested too
but then that didnt change me
I was drunk again ...
I was never physically hurt
just emotionally DEAD !!

now with this cycling accident
2 months ago
i broke my knee
knee recovery is long
PT can be painful
But emotionally I am strong
VERY strong
positive
each days is great
I am sober
love every moment

10 days back i put weight on the leg
then last week i walked few steps
now I had said buy to crutches
it reminds me of early sobriety and recovery
then i was healing my mind by exercising
Now my sober mind was healing my body (leg)

soon i run, cycle
my reflections will change
and I wonder whats there in this sober life
whats there next ?

[jane27]

Beautiful as always! I posted this for you on roll call (in case you did not see it). Thinking of you & would love to catch up soon. In Florida until next Wed, nothing planned after that. Let me know if/when you may have time to whatsap or chat. xxx

[j-vo]

Beautiful post, Rahul! So happy for you that you're recoverying from your injury! What's next? I can't wait to hear.

[Rahulthesweet]

Thanks both

It sometimes help to express

[treetops]

Wonderful Rahul and I am so glad that you are enjoying your sober life. I don't want to recall the struggles when you posted here so long ago. Thats the past and here is to the future!

[Byrdlady]

It's great to be able to reflect on our lives, especially when we've done something so positive for ourselves! Happy Holidays to you and your family! Byrdie

[Guitarista]

Love it Rahul. Wishing you a full recovery with the knee mate.

[Rahulthesweet]

Thanks all