The shame

[All done drinking]

Gilf,

When I finally faced the hard reality that I too needed to quit, I wrote a heartfelt statement to the board here of why I needed to do that and the guy above (cowboy) gave me some good advice. He told me to make a copy of what I had just written to remind myself why I was making this decision and then told me in weak moments to pull it out and read it. It was very helpful advice and I'm going strong in my quit since July 16, 15 just coming here (almost daily), reading posts, and getting and giving support and help from and to others. Welcome and don't feel alone. We have all been where you are in one way or another. We have a common denominator called alcohol abuse but we can fight this battle together if we are diligent, fight hard, and stay strong.

Welcome to our group!

~Addy (All Done Drinking...yes!)[/COLOR] :welcome:

[Gilf]

Thank you all for your encouraging words! This is the first time in my life that I've ever given myself permission to think about things & ultimately find some way to be a 'happy' person! I'm only on day 2 but I can honestly say it's a long long time since I haven't drank every nite! Not lots, not what people cud tell or wud think strange, not before 9pm & not in front of my son but TBH that's where some of my shame comes from. No one knows what a devious, manipulating, liar (all to yourself!) you turn into to justify ur actions. To everyone else I'm successful & brave & the life of the party ((!!)) but to me I'm not good enough to be with myself sober, even for one day. My shame comes from letting everyone believe that I'm a good person who puts others first when it couldn't be further from the truth. No one has any idea the extent of it & ive become so 'high functioning' I have no fuckin' clue how to be sober. I'm always getting told what a good mother & wife I am, how creative I am & how well I do my job! It's so painful knowing I have this secret deep inside that I'm not really any of those people, I feel like I have no idea how to have a real emotion! Clear headed & that doesn't make me hate myself. But I want to try & that's why I'm here. Thanks again.

[Guitarista]

Good stuff Gilf. Let the crap fall away to reveal the buried treasure that is you. Go for it and take no prisoners. G

[lizker]

Gilf, hope you are doing better. We ALL started where you are at this very moment. Personally, it has taken 2 years of trying and failing to start making considerable progress. Success really comes down to how badly you want it. Your motivation to stop is very important. It has to be really strong. If it's to be a better wife, better your health, getting closer to God (if you are a believer), lose weight, improve self esteem, be better mother or sibling....(for me it was most of these combined)...let whatever your primary motivation of wanting to quit be your propelling force to help you put this behind you for once and for all. As I tell everyone, if I can do it, anyone can. I was in a very bad place when I started. I was Drinking before work, during work...due to dts and after work. Got to a point I couldn't even write at work as my hands would shake so bad. Everyone knew and I knew they were talking about me...the most isolating, humiliating place to be. Slowly but surely that ship is turning. You can do this

[lizker]

Gilf, hope you are doing better. We ALL started where you are at this very moment. Personally, it has taken 2 years of trying and failing to start making considerable progress. Success really comes down to how badly you want it. Your motivation to stop is very important. It has to be really strong. If it's to be a better wife, better your health, getting closer to God (if you are a believer), lose weight, improve self esteem, be better mother or sibling....(for me it was all these combined)...let whatever your primary motivation of wanting to quit be your propelling force to help you put this behind you for once and for all. As I tell everyone, if I can do it, anyone can. I was in a very bad place when I started. I was Drinking before work, during work...due to dts and after work. Got to a point I couldn't even write at work as my hands would shake so bad. Everyone knew and I knew they were talking about me...the most isolating, humiliating place to be. Slowly but surely that ship is turning. You can do this

[actiongirl46]

Glif - how are you today?? Feeling stronger?? I hope you got your Day 3 . . . let's do this!!

[Gilf]

Sorry Action,((reminds me of West Side Story!! Lol my fave!!)) Still getting used to seeing posts etc! I did manage day 3, had a rocky & upsetting start to day one but its 16.48 here & I managed to get to work so I'm doing better! Thanks so much for keeping me in mind. Having support is exactly what's needed at the mo! Hope ur ok too!!!!

[Byrdlady]

Thinking of you, Gilf, and hoping Day 4 is going well! Hugs to you, Byrdie

[actiongirl46]

Hang in there!! We can do this!! Day 4 done in this time zone : )