My intentions! (R lack there of??)

[NoraC]

thank you idef - that did take a lot of guts.

Cowboy - you are very loved & respected here. Please know that. :hug:

[NoSugar]

Hi, IDM, The woman who wrote that sincere, honest apology sounds nothing like the woman who sent the PM. The thing is, it isn't the same person at all! The real you took responsibility and cleared the air - cleaned up again after the drunk poster.

I bet no one here hasn't felt something like you do now. Having to face what you wrote in a PM the night before is much like the sad, fearful, disgusted feelings most of us have had when we awoke and had to check text messages or Facebook posts. So much shame and embarrassment.

But here, we have an extra responsibility to one another - this isn't just another social site. Fortunately Glif had the confidence to speak up and not just leave the site. I'm afraid I would have done just that. Not posting while drinking is one solution but an even better one would be to stop drinking and let the lovely, sensitive woman who wrote the post above - the real you- always be present.

Take good care of yourself, NS

[Guitarista]

Gilf, Looks like you've decided to stick around . Yay! Good job. Cowboy, sorry you're having a rough patch. I always look at intent . A persons intent , and I don't think Gilf is trying to upset people, but rather, just get along with folks and get sober. There have been and still are boozey sounding names/avatars here. We can't try to control everything around us or worry about it. Sometimes we have to just let go and roll with it. I hope ur ok there friend. Please stick around. You're a gr8 asset here. Take care of yourself and PM me anytime if you feel like a yap.

[idefineme]

I have bitten my tongue for 24 hours from the time I was told about that pm -- a few here have said the same as me -- or rather what I feel --- the HURT that caused - really no apologies can take that away - to criticize someone new to the site about something as stupid as an avatar and a user name --- we lay ourselves BARE in the early days -- and then to justify it by saying 'I was drinking' - well there's some irony there alright - however Cowboys post is somehow worse -- I just can't begin to unravel how careless words have been here... WE COME HERE WOUNDED HURT DAMAGED and SCARED --- can we PLEASE show some gentleness and compassion -- any negative remarks or justifications for said negative remarks here are indefensible...

support my arse

“No pitchforks for anyone Idef

Hugs for you though.

At least you were inebriated.... I have pissed people off stone cold sober! LOL”

You ‘liked’ this post, mollyka, well before your post above. Yet you’re looking for a scapegoat or something to appease something. That’s your business, not mine. Talk to me about gentleness and compassion when you have some of your own.

[JackieClaire]

I've kept quiet until now but as we haven't seen Gilf for over 24 hours I'm now wondering if this has not only put her off MWO but from seeking other help.

Yes I was a drunk a rather quiet one at that and now I work with addicts..............you know what the hardest thing in the world to do is ...........to get an addict over the door step to get treatment and to keep them coming back.

A wrong word here or a glance there can mean they disappear into the stratosphere.

The excuse for doing something while drunk is not an excuse at all........
I thumped my wife/husband.............why.............I was drunk but its all right I as a apologised..........that may be a bit extreme but I'm sure you can see the logic.

IDEF............think before you turn on your laptop or whatever you use...........if you've been drinking read as much as you want...........but for your sake as well as others think not once, not twice but many times before putting your hands near a key board.

None of us here found sobriety here the easy way............it didn't drop into our lap as a gift from the sober fairy..............it was hard bloody work.........

I'm not an AAer but still remember an old AAer said to me a long time ago.............take the cotton wool out of your ears and shove it in you mouth..........I was highly offended at the time............but it soon made sense.

[satz123]

“No pitchforks for anyone Idef

Hugs for you though.

At least you were inebriated.... I have pissed people off stone cold sober! LOL”

You ‘liked’ this post, mollyka, well before your post above. Yet you’re looking for a scapegoat or something to appease something. That’s your business, not mine. Talk to me about gentleness and compassion when you have some of your own.

FFS Idef - read your own signature :
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

YOU did not allow GILF that luxury of being HERSELF .... of doing this her way.
Do not play the injured party here.

[available]

And so this is Christmas!

A name is just that a name. Listen to the old timers with their words of wisdom and then listen some more.

I totally agree with Jacks if someone was that cruel to me with vile words i would leave. no amount of an apology would cut it and even if someone said it to me sober i would be very hurt. People who drink and want to stop come here for encouragement and support. Gladly i was never a mean drunk.

i would not have a damn idea what GILF meant if someone had not googled it. Who gives a flying fuck what username is used, it is about helping the person not condemning them. And if Gilf is a Gilf well good on her, it doesnt mean i want to be like her (im not a granny yet so i will wait patiently to call myself a gilf) but i would never ever be ashamed of calling myself anything and god i have been called a lot of things. Maybe i should change my name to cougar and see if anyone got it or would they just assume an animal.

Even if we are having a tough time in our real life, respect on this site is necessary. There are no excuses for being disrespectful to anyone in real life or in cyber life. No one is better than anyone else in my opinion.

If you cant say something nice dont say nothing at all as thumper quoted in bambi.

[satz123]

And so this is Christmas!


If you cant say something nice dont say nothing at all as thumper quoted in bambi.

Happy feckin' Christmas Ava

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrAwK9juhhY

[abcowboy]

I see this is not going to die down in the foreseeable future, and that’s a shame. I sure hope any newcomers aren’t reading this thread, no wonder the ratio of members to active members is the way it is.

I came on this morning to reply to a few more pm’s, thank you all for the many, many pm’s, both good and bad, and they'll stay as pm's! This whole issue was started over a private message, simply replying to that message privately would have stopped it there. But if she was entitled her opinion about her choice of user name and avatar, I’m entitled my opinion of how I feel about it. I was actively supporting her even though her user name and avatar bothered me.

Molly, you are celebrating a 4 year sobriety birthday pretty soon, and I congratulate you on that achievement, maybe when I have that much time I’ll be better equipped to deal with the things that bother me. But what you said to me is like telling a newcomer to set a bottle of liquor on the back of the toilet so that every morning they are reminded what caused them so much pain. And we all think there is so much wisdom in your posts, that you are only concerned about helping others….

-- ah some dickhead -- not worth even talking about –

- just checking was gilf around? really hope that fishwife hasn't run you gilf?

As for the Gilf, she has been lurking since this whole thing started, but hasn’t posted anything, I’m not sure why. But if she’s as strong as she lets out to be in the beginning of this thread, she would have been posting. I could say more on my opinions why she’s not posting, but then I’d be criticized once again.

I have a few more pm’s to respond to, then I’ll delete the rest of my threads and become a lurker, afraid to say anything lest I get thrown under the bus once again…..

[Byrdlady]

Here is the irony of all this. Once again, AL has claimed another victory. A drunk PM to a new member started this.

When I was at 2 years sober, I got into a heated debate with the mods group. I nearly got thrown off MWO, back then we actually had supervision! I NEEDED this place, but my ego and feelings had been so badly bruised that I wanted to storm off in a huff. "I'll show THEM!" As I did in my drinking life, I was doing in my sober life....I drank AT people and ate AT people and all I became was a fat drunk! . A newbie by the name of Mick PM'd me, he was about 10 days sober at the time. He told me there was room for all of us here. He told me I had helped him and he needed me to stay. He urged me to stick with the support that had helped me get sober. I cant tell you what a difference that made to me. Had I left at that time, HURT, ANGRY and ALONE what do you think might have happened to me without the Mothership? I was the poster child for RELAPSE! That 10 day newbie reeled me back in. I am forever grateful for his foresight!

We all need this forum. Getting and staying sober IS the goal and we all have work to do to achieve it. No one needs to leave or lurk, this isn't a spectator sport it requires our full participation.

Lets try to move on!
Gilf, hope you are doing well.
IDef, why dont you join us on Roll Call?
Cowboy, you help a lot of people and your work with newbies is vital around here. There is room for all of us. Sobriety is top priority.
Byrdie

[lizker]

Abccowboy, you been here too long to let this thing get to you. You know what this is....strap on your armor and put this thing behind you. Don't feed it anymore. Look at that name and avatar and let it know it has NO POWER over you. You know what to do. We are too powerful for all this

[NoraC]

Byrdie - thank you for putting my thoughts into words.

[Guitarista]

Look, I've been holding back from commenting, but I just can't stay quiet any longer, so here it is. ........,Today I am 4 months sober! And every single poster here has helped me achieve this. Now THAT'S what it's all about. Thanks everyone. G

[All done drinking]

As I stated on NN a bit ago, "If your wings are broken, borrow mine so yours can open too." Newer song out with these beautiful words. I would hate to see anyone leave. You are so right Gman. We wouldn't be here with out the help and support of everyone here, whether we get along perfectly or not, there are lessons from everyone, so let's just move onward and upward.

~Addy

[blink]

I see this is not going to die down in the foreseeable future, and that’s a shame. I sure hope any newcomers aren’t reading this thread, no wonder the ratio of members to active members is the way it is.

I came on this morning to reply to a few more pm’s, thank you all for the many, many pm’s, both good and bad, and they'll stay as pm's! This whole issue was started over a private message, simply replying to that message privately would have stopped it there. But if she was entitled her opinion about her choice of user name and avatar, I’m entitled my opinion of how I feel about it. I was actively supporting her even though her user name and avatar bothered me.

Molly, you are celebrating a 4 year sobriety birthday pretty soon, and I congratulate you on that achievement, maybe when I have that much time I’ll be better equipped to deal with the things that bother me. But what you said to me is like telling a newcomer to set a bottle of liquor on the back of the toilet so that every morning they are reminded what caused them so much pain. And we all think there is so much wisdom in your posts, that you are only concerned about helping others….



As for the Gilf, she has been lurking since this whole thing started, but hasn’t posted anything, I’m not sure why. But if she’s as strong as she lets out to be in the beginning of this thread, she would have been posting. I could say more on my opinions why she’s not posting, but then I’d be criticized once again.

I have a few more pm’s to respond to, then I’ll delete the rest of my threads and become a lurker, afraid to say anything lest I get thrown under the bus once again…..

it had died down until you chose to reprise it.

you are right, you are relatively early in your quit and so still sensitive to things that can appear personal. you were not thrown under a bus.....

'the gilf'? the?

i understand you felt uncomfortable with gilfs name and you bravely explained why, but why the digs? why the need to get them in? deleting threads about you i could also understand, but deleting the ones that others use to keep accountable? why? seems rather selfish to me. maybe i got that wrong.

do what you need to do but dont cut off your nose to spite your face.

said with concerned straight talking.