A question about drinking patterns-

[tryingtoohard]

For years- including now- on my days off, I start drinking in the mornings. I do not get ripped- just a slight buzz to take care of anxiety. I have never driven after having any al, nor have I ever gone to work. I have also never called in sick because of al.

But, it's destroying my life. I can't even remember the last time I enjoyed something fully.

Did anyone else ever do the "slow drinking" through the day- not drunk, just energy and happiness sapping?

I am reading the toolbox right now- and making a plan.

[rednose]

For years- including now- on my days off, I start drinking in the mornings. I do not get ripped- just a slight buzz to take care of anxiety. I have never driven after having any al, nor have I ever gone to work. I have also never called in sick because of al.

But, it's destroying my life. I can't even remember the last time I enjoyed something fully.

Did anyone else ever do the "slow drinking" through the day- not drunk, just energy and happiness sapping?

I am reading the toolbox right now- and making a plan.

Tryingtohard.

Yes I ended up doing that kind of drinking. I remember looking at the clock about 10 am and saying WOW I am having
a drink already. By about 3 pm I would have a good buzz going and would usually fall asleep on the couch for an
hour or two. Then I would wake up and start drinking again until I would pass out around ten pm.

Not a very productive way to spend the day but that is where my drinking got me to.

I hope you find something helpful in the tool box if you are looking to be alcohol free. I have 15 days so I
am not an expert on being alcohol free. But I have lots of experience with drinking.

Keep hanging around, Go to the newbies nest . There are a bunch of people over there with many many alcohol free days and are extremely helpful.

[tryingtoohard]

Thanks! Like I wrote, this isn't "getting ripped." This is slow drinking to the point of naptime- then the day is gone. It's killing me. I just got back from walking the dog, and was enjoying the neighbor's yards....etc....now, am home, and want a drink. I am so tired of living like this.

[rednose]

Tryingtoohard

Yes I can relate. I got so sick of living like that. Alcohol controlled my life. You are
at the right place if you want to quit. I have 15 days Af And I am feeling so much better.
I won't say it is easy but it is possible. Hang in there.

[Pinecone]

Hi Trying, yes I did that. It's a terribly sad and suffocating way to exist. Getting alcohol completely out of my life was the solution. I really relate to your post. I was always pretty responsible (although not always with increasing frequency as I kept at it). It was the sadness of my life that was really pulling me apart. Now I am so grateful that I could feel that pain because it helped me out of that hole.

Have you tried 30 days AF? I spent years drinking but when I couldn't drink for a day or two for some reason my mind was furious. Hmmm....

[Choices]

Hi Trying,
I can relate. It helps me to remember my drinking patterns to figure out when I'm craving. It's weird I can be completely fine, like you say... When you walked the dog... Probably felt fine, got home and wanted a drink. There are a lot of reasons why we want the drink, physically, emotionally, you name it. It can be quite a pull. Your drinking pattern seams to be enabling you to function as a responsible person, but as you say.,, killing you. One of the many reasons I quit was because of how empty my soul was feeling. Just felt like I was on a merry go round drinking my life away.

[tryingtoohard]

Thank you for that- and you are correct. I want to go visit my grandfather today- a two hour trip. While my husband will drive, I am burned up that I'll have to give up my al, my buzz, and my naps. It's ridiculous. I want to read this thread every single day. There is not one person at work that suspects this about me- none. I just pass it off as "I don't like to travel." Bull. It's I don't like to leave the house, and my friend- the bottle.

[tryingtoohard]

I have had two small drinks already this morning. I am so deep in this hole that I feel like I need to clean the dining room before I work on my plan from the toolbox. I hate this. Hate it. Thank you for answering, you don't know how much it means to be able to just write the truth.

[tryingtoohard]

No, please don't edit anything I came clean with my husband last night. I said flat out, "I don't deserve this, you don't deserve this." Yes- I need to make my plan. The first thing I am giving up is the lies. That's number one- I am not going to hide my drinking this morning at all. Hubby knows now. Want to hear something "funny?" I only drink in the mornings- before lunch. Last night? New Years Eve? ONE watered down cocktail with dinner- zero al after 6:00PM. Yes- I thought about it, but since I had enjoyed the day buzzed, wasn't really that important.

What the heck is it with mornings off? I leave for work at 5:50 AM- so, no drinking during work days. It's holidays, Saturdays and Sundays.

[tryingtoohard]

Thank you! And yes, I have had two ounces (I am measuring at this point- kid you not)- my plan for today is to "make my plan" using the toolbox. You would laugh if you could see me. I look like a successful yuppie. This started at a point in grad school- I wish I had known about imposters syndrome when I started. Before that? My undergrad? I didn't drink.

There is something about facing a holiday, or weekend day that is my trigger.

[tryingtoohard]

Of course, you are right! My husband got up, and I said, "OK- I have had two drinks already." He is rationalizing it, and making excuses. There are no excuses. I need to make my plan, and see my doctor. I am trying hypnosis, too. Not really a fan of the drugs- although if my plan doesn't work (Doctor, hypnosis, etc.) then I will be on one of them soon.

[j-vo]

Hi tryingtoohard,

I'm glad you found this site. Even though I only have 74 days today, I've been slowly killing myself, my soul, and I finally did what Mollyka said. I just surrendered. I'm not going to win if I fight with alcohol. I've tried that for years, and what happened was that there were so many disappointments in myself, disappointments for my family, and I'd done enough damage to all of us. It's true. It doesn't get better and it doesn't go away. We have a faulty off switch, and no matter how hard we try, it's broken. Surrender and acceptance of what we need to do, which is to have a full life (ain't too bad!) is what sobriety will give you. There are so many good threads and support here, that you'll find where you're comfortable and post, read, post, read, post more. There's a thread called the 3 Principles that I've just begun to dip into. Take a look at that thread, as this might not be as hard as most of us make it out to be. Also, I found excellent support in the Newbie's Nest in Just Starting Out. Incredible support everywhere on this site. There are so many long-timers here with great wisdom, just like Mollyka. I want what she has, and I'm getting there one day at a time. Good luck to you!

[treetops]

Hi there and welcome To MWO. I don't think it ultimately matters what kind of drinking pattern you have - slow all day drinking, binge drinking, nightly drinking after a full days work or whatever. And as Molly says we have to leave our brains at the door to realise that it's the problem we share - the problem with AL. Many people on MWO are what are sometimes called high functioning alcoholics - well we might be good at managing our jobs and families but what we have really excelled at is managing to procure, rationalize and consume AL. Remove the obsession with AL and you still have a busy and active person but it's so much better and guess what - you get to like yourself as well. A lot lot better.
I said it doesn't matter what patterns we have but actually it is important to be very self aware of when and where we drink. That's where making a plan is important. I would say that speaking to your GP is an excellent move but before you try drugs, hypnosis or whatever - why not start with the no-brainer - remove AL from your house. You can't reach for those small drinks if they ain't there. If that's a problem for you to do then you at least get to see the magnitude of the problem. Change your daily routine. I did that and slowly my Pavlovian associations of time and place were broken. It's not easy but that's why it really helps to be accountable and MWO is a great place for this.
Best of luck but it's not luck is it. - it's action and support now.

[Choices]

Hi Trying,
It's great that you told your husband and are going to talk to your Dr. Your already taking the right steps. The next one is as TT mentioned is getting rid of all alcohol from your house. Pour it out. Don't worry about waisting it... It's waisting you. And not your friend but an enemy. I like hypnosis myself. It's comforting. Molly is right, you will never regret the 30 days. It's not easy, but so worth it and you will learn a lot about yourself. Mostly good to be honest. Alcohol is cunning so stay close to MWO, read post... I began a personal journal because my mind was racing so much with all types of thoughts, memories, theories you name it! Take care of yourself, you will be alright. You won't be if you continue to drink. But it sounds like you know that.