I'm new here

[kate79]

This seems like a very supportive and understanding site so I thought I'd give it a go as I really don't know where else to turn.

My relationship with alcohol sounds pretty similar to a lot of you guys. I don't drink every day and I don't think about it when I wake up in the morning. However, when I do drink, I just don't know when to stop. I regularly have black-outs, can't remember how I got home, offend people and wake up with a dreadful hangover and injuries that I can't remember getting.

I'm 27 now and have worked full time in catering for the last 10 years. Working in restaurants and bars, seeing other people relaxing with a glass of wine, it's automatically what I turn to at the end of a shift or on a day off. Only I can rarely stop at a glass! Sound familiar?! All of my friends and family drink and I can't imagine my life alcohol-free as my whole social life revolves around it. It's not that I sneak drinks or drink more than anyone else, it just seems to hit me all at once and I lose my memory. I don't know why everyone else around me seems to handle their alcohol and know when to stop, and I just can't seem to do it.

My husband is at his wits-end as he feels like he is repeating himself all the time. "You know you can't handle it, so don't do it". He worries about me so much and is the only one to see me at my worst so doesn't feel like he can talk to anyone about it. I just always think, this time I'll drink slower, drink lots of water, eat a big dinner etc etc. Occasionally it works and I always feel so proud the next morning when I have managed to drink in moderation and not have a hangover. Then I just go and mess it up again.

We now live abroad where we run a backpackers hostel and bar. Obviously the completely wrong environment to be in, as everyone is drinking all the time. But, for the time being, there's nothing we can do to change the situation as we have invested everything we have in this business. I've read lots of these threads with suggestions about cutting down, the main thing being don't have alcohol in the house and you won't be tempted. Not that easy when you have a fully stocked bar attached to your house!

Sorry for blathering on, I just feel completely stuck in a rut and cannot imagine my life or work without alcohol involved. I just get so frustrated that everyone around me knows when to stop and I can't seem to do it. One minute I feel perfectly fine and the next I'm completely smashed and have to rely on other people to tell me what I did the next day.

I'd love to hear any stories from people who work in a similar industry and have managed to keep their drinking in moderation. Is it possible?!

I feel much better now anyway just for getting it off my chest, thanks.

[diamond]

I'm new here

Hi Kate,
first welcome from one newbie to another.
I do understand about your predicament. When you say everyone around you is drinking and coping with a few glasses is not true, a certain few of them will also have a problem with alcohol but maybe they don't let anyone see it. So please don't get in a state just stick with it and keep posting,

Best Wishes,
Diamond xxx

[lushy]

I'm new here

Welcome Kate and I applaud you for wanting to change this while you are still so young. Wish I would have done that myself. My best to you on this journey.....

[rottrod]

I'm new here

Kate,
I have had a problem similar to yours. I don't have any scientific evidence to back this up but I think some people's livers metabolize alcohol different than others. I also think different kinds of alcohol cause different reactions in the same person. I can drink lite beer all nite and don't really have an issue until I've had about 10. Regular beer hits me at about 7. Hard liquor, about 2 drinks and I don't remember a thing so I don't drink it. Wine....well that is my drink of choice and don't know when to stop but should not drive after 3-4. So it is after four that I would stop (if I was out, drive home) and then just drink more until I went to bed. Oddly enough I was functioning pretty well. I would just get sleepy after about 6 or 7. A lot of times I wouldn't remember conversations though.

This went on for years before I finally had enough and found this place. I hope you can find some strength and resolve here to get control of your drinking and moderate or quit altogether. You are young and I would hate to see you lose so many years in the bottle the way so many of us have. Not to sound morose..I have and have had a great life but it would have been even better if I had not spent so much of it with a wine glass in my hand.

[Cinders]

I'm new here

Newbie, too.

Kate,

As you read the posts here, you will see that many people are in the same boat you are and many of them doing well.

I, too, am new and want to welcome you to this site.

The people on this site are all very supportive and not at all judgemental. A welcome relief from the AA meetings I have gone to.

Here's wishing both of us success!!

Cindi

[beatle]

I'm new here

i also want to say welcome.

topomax, campral and naltrexone are all supposed to decrease the desire to drink so that even if you do drink you stop earlier or with less. maybe one of those will work for you? Nutrition and supplements are key elements too. Good luck!

[Janice]

I'm new here

Hi Kate, good to hear from you - look forward to getting to know you!!! Janice

[lucky 2.0]

I'm new here

Hello Kate- which happens to be my favorite name on the planet,

Welcome. I hope you find what you need here. It is a good place to land. Make sure to read a lot of the info under the Research Section. I found it to be most helpful. There are good examples of abs and of moderation on the site. You may benefit from their experience too.

Enjoy the site!

lucky

[zincityzen]

I'm new here

Welcome Kate - I know you'll find lots of information and resources here, you've found the right place - living abroad makes everything more intense and lonely, I think. Can't imagine what it would be like living in a young, fun, boozy environoment - I'm sure I'd be drinking more, too! Well, it is wonderful that you found us and I know you will get the support you need!

[paula]

I'm new here

Hello Kate and welcome. Keep posting and reading and you will get lots of valuable
support from friends who understand what you are going through.
Best wishes Paula.

[iced]

I'm new here

Welcome to the site! I can not imagine being in your situation with alcohol being such a predominate factor of both work and home life. Please do keep posting as it will be interesting to see where this path leads you. If I had any advice to offer, which I really have no place doing, I would suggest that you consider abstaining for a week or so while you evaluate the situation you are in. Review your options for improvement and then make a plan on how to implement the changes that you desire. Good Luck!

[ducky]

I'm new here

Hi Kate and welcome,

This site is a godsend! I echo what someone else said; I wish I had tackled my drinking at your age. I actually remember thinking, in my late 20s, that if I kept going another 20 years I would be in bad shape physically. Well here I am at 49! You dont want to waste all that time.

I am sure your business makes it hard but you sound so motivated. Keep reading and posting. Looking forward to learning more about you.

[Change]

I'm new here

I work at a bar also, but not full-time like you. I only go in on the weekends.

This weekend was hard as i have free access to alcohol and alcohol use is actively encouraged (it is the 'done' thing). People almost look at you strangely if you don't drink.

I can't imagine what it would be like to have a full bar at your finger-tips with no restrictions. Actually, i can. Most people i know who work in hospitality have a drink in their hand at one stage or another.

But, i also know people who work successfully in the same industry and who rarely drink.

Besides the idea that you have a bar at your fingertips, you just have to train yourself to think of work as work and not to drink. It really is a mindset, a mindset i used to have. In fact, there was a stage there where i never drank at work, and would only drink during the week, or afterwards when i knocked off (okay, i did drink at work, but not during my shift). Sometimes i would even leave work and then buy a bottle on the way home or finish what i had leftover from the night before. Ironic, but i really did see work as work, at the time. Not the case in the end, but it was done.

Anyway, the moral of the story is that it can be done. It really is just a matter of retraining your mind that work is work and home is home and that the two should be seperated (i get your point about living there though). Personally, i am going to retrain myself into drinking other nice drinks i can find behind the bar. I think this is a strategy also. Find non-alcoholic drinks that you like and make sure they are readily available.

I think the best way to cut down on alcohol is to remove yourself from the situation first, so you can get strong. It's a pity you can't take a 2 week holiday just so you can get strong. I will have no problem going to work when i am strong enough, but it took courage to go in there on the weekend.

It is also a matter of retraining people into accepting you as a non-drinker. Read some of the threads here and find a way to tell people you are not drinking, without telling them what you are really doing. Once people realise you are not drinking they will eventually stop offering you drinks, while still remaining your friend.

Uhm, yeah, i was the sort who couldn't stop at 1 drink, that is why moderation will never work for me.

[gdy]

I'm new here

Rottrod: white wine is also my drink of choice. I too, often forget what is told to me when I have been drinking. I wish this wasnt'so but I worry that I have done so much damage that it is too late. I am 49.

[DiverRob]

I'm new here

Welcome Kate! You're in the right place for people who have 'been there' and understand. I can really appreciate how tough that must be to have alchohol on your doorstep. Stick around and we can all get to a better place together!