But I really LIKE to drink...

[Penelope]

Hi,

My name is "Penelope" and I've been a functioning alcoholic for over twenty years. I come from a long line of alcoholics, but mine is still a secret. At least, I think so. I keep vodka in the freezer and chug some before bed, after and before and after several glasses of wine. I keep a regular sized bottle of the vodka and then I refill it almost weekly with a huge bottle so my husband can't tell how many bottles I really go through. I drink until I slur. And then I pass out. I wake up the next day, chug some coffee and wait until I can do it all over again. I've read a few books and have wanted to quit or at least learn to moderate for some time now. I just haven't been able to. This weekend I got so smashed at the beach with my husband and felt so crappy the next day (today) I vowed to find a way. So, surfing on the net on the drive home I found this site. I'm ready this time, really ready and wanting to stop waking up with my head throbbing and being cranky all day until the next drink. I'm tired of trying to hide the fact that my hands tremble as they encircle my coffee cup. I'm sick of feeling like a priosoner to poison! So, with great hope and a big prayer I'm giving this a real honest try. The thing is, I really, really like to drink. :help!

[lushy]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Welcome Penelope I understand where you are coming from because for years I have claimed I am not a problem drinker, I can stop anytime I want, I just choose to drink because I like the buzz. I think that is huge denial. I am glad you found this site and this program because it will help you. Best of luck.

[Breez]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Welcome Penelope-

My vodka bottle was like an appendage. I loved my vodka but didn't like what it did to me. It eventually let me down. I made poor decisions. I didn't live my life to it's fullest. I lost time. I lost respect & let people down-including myself.

Think of all the other things you love to do. Replace that with the evils that bottle provides for you. Get into that mindset. Establish a plan & goal. Do baby steps. Get the book (if you haven't) & take a leap of faith. You can do it. You deserve the best.

[rottrod]

But I really LIKE to drink...

I understand Penelope,
I really like to drink too. If you took a poll here we would probably all say the same thing. I say I just like the taste, or it's just a habit, but the fact of the matter is we can't just stop when we want to. We need help and that's why we are here. So welcome, join us on our journey which we take one day at a time.

Melissa

[paraniod]

But I really LIKE to drink...

To me with reading your post I also wonder if you like the ritual of it. It obviously takes a lot of thought and work to keep your secret going if you are going to such great lengths to hide the actual amount. Maybe there is another ritual you could try to start working into the mix, like tea, reading. I know they sound very boring but if you really want to stop drinking I think you are going to need a hobby to focus and plan for.

Just a thought.:welcome:

[SKendall]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Welcome Penelope:welcome:

Many of us have been in a similar situation. Please download the book, try to go off the alcohol slowly (maybe with medical assistance), take the supplements, and post here alot, and read alot of the posts. It is a journey, but a worthwhile journey.

Some people have chosen moderation with varying degrees of success and some have chosen total abstinence. There are many posts in the long term abstainers that help all of us, as well as the day to day postings in General Discussion. You'll find your way around.:l

[DiverRob]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Welcome Penelope! I love to drink too - I use to hide the cans of beer/bottle of wine from my wife (wouldn't put them in the trash can so she could see how many I'd had - had my own little plastic bag in my office for disposal)

You've made a huge step admitting there's something wrong. We can all do this together - sometimes it's not easy, and sometimes you may feel like you've failed, but someone said to me once - there's no failure till you give up.

Stick around and we can all take this journey together!

[Guest]

But I really LIKE to drink...

:welcome: Penelope,

You've probably found the best site to help you on your way. I really like to drink as well, and if I could stop at 1 or 2 I still would continue to drink, but I can't. I did the hiding thing as well, and it's physically and emotionally draining to have to put that much thought and effort into it. From what I got back, it was definetely not worth it.

The people here are amazing, very helpful and friendly and we'll all be here for you.

GG

[Bella]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Penelope Welcome! Keep reading and posting. there is so much help here if you ask for it. You have found a fantastic place. Bella xxx

[beatle]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Welcome P!
Breez totally hit the nail on the head for me. Man all the wasted time! And the letting people down and the loss of respect.

Also, both Paranoid and GG highlight an extremely valid point that I didn't realize at first (and you may not either) about secretly drinking. It becomes like a ritual (always planning-- your stops at the store, the hiding place, the refilling empty bottles, the disposal of empty bottles, etc.) that when you quit it's like there's a void. Be prepared for that and think of it as gained time and money and plan what you are going to do with that extra time and effort-- put it into something more constructive-- not to mention the money-- be nice to yourself. For ex., I now get regular facials and massages with the money I would have spent on vodka. You have so much to gain by quitting and so much to lose by not. And we're all here to help you and each other. so get going!

[rachel28]

But I really LIKE to drink...

hi im new to this 2 , u will find so much advice just reading posts to other people there is always so many words that strike a cord, its a good feeling that none of us r the only 1s with the problem, every 1 has there own reasons but we all have the same problem, we all like a bloody drink!!! i have not stopped but since finding this site im thinking so much and tryin to cut down instead of stumbling thru life tryin to think of new places 2 hide beer 4 my morning drinkie! good luck, to u and all xx

[eyesontheprize]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Oh Penelope, me too, I LOVE to drink, but I HATE the panicky, anxious, self loathing, depression that I get the next day. I've been doing this for years. I'm not a falling over, drunk, I'm a sophisticated, chic, smartypants DRUNK. For years I was such a mess, with so many issues, I didn't realise how badly alcohol affected me, ironically, now I'm doing really well, the drink shows up as a problem. So, this is Day 1 without..... C'MON, LET'S GIVE IT A GO. xx

[headbanger]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Dear Penelope,

I hid scotch in an empty hydrogen peroxide bottle to take on my son's school overnight trip. I have recently made the positive change of drinking only out in the open, and trying not to drink alone. Tough though, because like you, I love to drink. The kudzu and aminos have happily cut my craving by half.

headbanger

[Kitty]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Hi Penelope and :welcome: ,

I was thinking about the same thing today. I do like the buzz and for me it is a way to escape my problems albeit briefly.

I am slowly beginning to realise however, that the problems are still there the next day and the more I drink the less able I am to deal with them.

You'll find tons of support here.

Headbanger, glad you're feeling a bit better, I see you've changed your avatar.

Kitty

[headbanger]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Thanks for noticing Kitty,

This is how I look without the hangover.

headbanger