But I really LIKE to drink...

[DidItForMe]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Penelope:
I love to drink 1 or 2 too, but I hate drinking 8 or 10, which is ALWAYS what I would do. Black outs, anxiety, depression, feeling like crap, that all comes with 8-10 vodka drinks everyday (My favorite poison!). I hated that, but I still did it everyday. I am glad I found this place and I'm glad you found it too. Read the book, come to this site and read everything you can and post often. No one judges you here, so say anything you want and ask any question you can think of. We are all in the same big boat.

[Islandgirl]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Hi P,

I love vodka too! I fell on my face though DURING a party for my daughter and gave myself a huge black eye. I have not had any vodka since and that was May 29. I m afraid to even have it now because I can't moderate it at all ( I have had a beer and stopped and one glass of wine and stopped). I have taken shots after having drink just to get a little bit more vodka buzz. I think being here and using the supps really help. It keeps you thinking about putting healthy stuff in, and becoming a better person. Keep positive, we can do this together.

[haatajam]

But I really LIKE to drink...

I am brand new here, and can relate to your story of falling on your face. I ended up with 5 stitches by my eye, and when I met up with an old friend that I hadn't seen for 20+ years the next day, I looked like "elephant woman meets mack truck". Not too cool I swore my ex- husband to NEVER tell anyone what I'd done ... that instead, I tripped on loose blacktop when running. I have a long alcoholic family tree, and now my daughter struggles too. I'm sick of this chain, and want to live longer than my mother did.

Thanks for listening, all! I'll be back.

[cassy]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Hi all.i didnt do the secret drinking but boy was i embarassed as the bottles crashed into the recycling each week.i,ve had no bottles for 3 weeks as my goal is no home drinking weekdays and a few wines if i go out 2 nights over weekend(if out one night then thats the night for a few wines only!

Its really odd as so far i,m telling myself i dont drink weekdays and it seems to work..well so far.

hope to keep at it for a few months before a closer inspection of the 2 weekend nights i choose to drink when out for meals etc.

good luck to you all especially the newcomers..its an amazing site and thanks for the honesty of so many I plod on with my journey!!

Cassy

[retteacher]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Penelope: I've been on this site since April. I haven't been AF but have finally admitted my huge problem. Good luck. Mary
P.S.: I'm a secret drinker too, but I know that most people know.

[Penelope]

But I really LIKE to drink...

paraniod;147779 wrote: To me with reading your post I also wonder if you like the ritual of it. It obviously takes a lot of thought and work to keep your secret going if you are going to such great lengths to hide the actual amount. Maybe there is another ritual you could try to start working into the mix, like tea, reading. I know they sound very boring but if you really want to stop drinking I think you are going to need a hobby to focus and plan for.

Just a thought.:welcome:

This post gave me chills! That's so insightful. You're so right! For many reasons it has become a ritual. I will incorporate this advice in my plan. Thank you! It was a very wise comment.

[mamarenee]

But I really LIKE to drink...

grieving its passage

I had a friend I used to drink with. Turned out that he was actually abusing more than the alcohol we drank together, so that after I went to sleep he went out and partied on! The point of my story is, he eventually went to rehab (now thats a story!) and while he was there I realized I was sad. Sad about having to give up drinking, because I loved it, and we had so much fun, and what would we do now, and etc.
I had a real period of grieving. Drinking was a personal friend of mine. Plus I hadn't really known my rehab friend without it. What would he be like?
His recovery did not happen. At least not then. He is long gone. And I began drinking again. At first very slowly. But now...two years later...my special close friend ALCOHOL is visiting.
This is a ramble. But it is embarrassing how I missed drinking. Relating to you.

[mamarenee]

But I really LIKE to drink...

another secret

Dear Penelope,
I was thinking, as I sit here feverishly reading these messages, that this very act of reading and posting threads is a kind of secret ritual. No, not as fun (at first) as drinking. But it can be secret, stealthily done (do I want my kids to know that this is what I'm doing? Not really!!) risky, borderline, and about drinking. So without drinking I can be "close" to it. Sick, but interesting.
MamaRenee

[Suzanna]

But I really LIKE to drink...

But a better ritual

Mamarenee, your kids would most likely be happy if they learned you were here posting and getting support from people who truly understand what you are going through, and learning you are not alone. There is so much wisdom here, just this one thread contains lots of great strategies for filling in the "void", then the void becomes productive and drinking time becomes the real void. I love the thought of getting facials and pedicures instead of vodka, that will become a new source of inspiration for me. :h Suz

[diamond]

But I really LIKE to drink...

yeh, I know what u mean. I told my husband i am on this type of site but not the address or any of posts or my name on forum!!!

[trixietrack]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Welcome Penelope. I love drinking too, love feeling drunk, but I over do it and it's killing my creativity, not to mention I look horriblethe next day.

Stop by here often, there are so many nice helpful people and no heavy judgement just honest support.
I am not where I want to be yet, but I am slowly making my way there.
good luck
the trix

[trixietrack]

But I really LIKE to drink...

mamarenee;150396 wrote: I had a friend I used to drink with. Turned out that he was actually abusing more than the alcohol we drank together, so that after I went to sleep he went out and partied on! The point of my story is, he eventually went to rehab (now thats a story!) and while he was there I realized I was sad. Sad about having to give up drinking, because I loved it, and we had so much fun, and what would we do now, and etc.
I had a real period of grieving. Drinking was a personal friend of mine. Plus I hadn't really known my rehab friend without it. What would he be like?
His recovery did not happen. At least not then. He is long gone. And I began drinking again. At first very slowly. But now...two years later...my special close friend ALCOHOL is visiting.
This is a ramble. But it is embarrassing how I missed drinking. Relating to you.

how touching you are very brave in being able to express yourself to all of us. :h
thank you

[karbihere]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Hi all Karbihere thanks for all the great posts today Im like GG there is no way for one or two drinks, thats where my sickness comes in and how I go back to the bottle I listen to head and not my heart I to like most really really like to drink I just know today I chose not to drink the smoke is clearing AGAIN for me as I come up on 2 months again. the guilt and the shame is very much alive today for me as I sit here and cry. I try on a daily basis not to beat myself up but Im just so very good at it. thanks all for being here

[LegalEagle]

But I really LIKE to drink...

What a great post! That is what it all boils down to for me. I love drinking, love being drunk. When I look back over my adult life, so many of my peak experiences have been byproducts of a drunken adventure. Somehow, I've managed to stay out of trouble, but lately feel like I might be living on borrowed time in that regard. I am now 45, and there are not so many partiers left. I am kind of the last one living the party, the last candle on the cake still burning, the last Japanese soldier hiding out in the caves of some God-forsaken Pacific atoll. I confine my drinking to the weekends, but it is still way too excessive. This past weekend I was at a big convention, and I was having a blast, slamming beers, slapping backs, telling tales. I was having one hell of a time. One of my friends pulled me aside and said, "slow down, dude." I felt totally fine, and let him know that I had not even begun to drink in earnest. His response? "Buddy, no one else here is even tipsy." That is the kind of epiphany to which I am slowly coming around. That which was once appropriate no longer is so, nor should it be. But old Ethyl has been a good friend for so many years, that I am going to hate to see here go. But I've come to the conclusion that go she must.

[sujul]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Wow, Legal, that's a good friend you got there! And good for you for realizing that there are more important implications to that message than just slowing down for one night.... Yeah, I think there does come a point when we all realize that behaving like a frat boy/party girl just isn't acceptable any more!

I remember a few years ago when I was at dinner with some friends at a very up-scale restaurant. I didn't feel drunk at all, we were all laughing and drinking...and then the person sitting next to me, tapped me on the arm and told me to quieten down--I was totally mortified! Unlike you, though, I was annoyed--but inside I knew that I was drinking too much--that night and every night.

Thanks for sharing that story--see you around the site!