But I really LIKE to drink...

[blueeyes]

But I really LIKE to drink...

You're a good writer, LegalEagle! In my 25 years of alcohol problems, with the last 5 including blackouts, slurring, driving drunk (never caught and thankful) because I had run out, etc., I usually did the most damage by myself, sneaking. I'm fortunate that I never had a drinking buddy, and that my husband didn't drink along with me.

But I have painful memories of Friday afternoons with colleagues where I was drinking them under the table and they noticed. Of course I dropped in to just "have one," and then go home and have more...but I couldn't say no to the server. They were sipping beers and I was having my manhattans. I'm a 54 year old professional woman with a husband and kids (now grown), and I'm sure that my drinking seemed out of character given my position. Maybe it's just me, but I think a man could have had the same number of drinks but not look so cheap...or at least, that's the way I look back on myself at those times. Last summer I started a new job and was invited to a party to meet the rest of my team and there were pitchers of lovely drinks everywhere, and in no time I was reeling, after telling myself that this was definitely not the place to drink. I'm pretty sure I hid it, but it frightened me.

I do worry about what people think of me...but part of me also says who cares...none of their business...I'm just going to keep going forward..

[lushy]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Ahhh, the pride of being a partier. I used to be very proud of the fact I could drink anyone, male or female, under the table. When I hit my mid-30s I realized that most of my friends had stopped drinking except for the occasional, and I mean occasional, glass of wine during the week. Not me. I still had a lot of pride, albeit dumb pride, that I was an every day drinker. Makes me cringe now at that mindset.

[LegalEagle]

But I really LIKE to drink...

So true, so true. It's odd, but a lot of what I feel is resentment. Resentment that the others haven't kept up, have become boring, etc. Maybe there was a time (think the 1930s, 1940s, etc.) when nearly everyone over-drank, but that sure ain't the case now. I really do pride myself on being above that nonsense. Screw them, I'd tell myself. I am not about to give up my fun and become boring. Over the last five years, however, the "spectacles" have become more frequent, and there is nothing pretty about that.

[Saint Jude]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Boy can I relate to being the "party animal"!
I've always been a tomboy.. and always have to at least keep up.. if not out-do the guys... be it kayaking or sitting aroung the campfire doing shots of Cuervo!(after drinking beer on the river all day)
Amazing I haven't drowned ages ago, thinking back on all of the whitewater I've ran completly snockered!

Thank God I don't have to do that anymore! I'm so easily amused these days, it's ridiculous...
I went to the river yesterday & blew Wonder Bubbles!:H

[uda]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Oh yes, the 'party animal' - I've realised that I only go to parties/socialise because of the drink. How sad is that? I'd tell myself that it would be 'boring' if I didn't. Never ocurred to me that I'm a grown up (well into middle-age at that!) and was perfectly entitled to decline invitations. Well, that would have made me boring and anti-social, wouldn't it and I wasn't, I was lots of fun, wasn't I?

Am only just beginning to say 'no' to certain invitations and to not drink when I've said yes. And I'm learning to accept my 'inner bore' who is in all likelihood considerably less boring than the reeling and incoherent 'party girl'.

uli

[julie001]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Welcome. Like you, I love to drink...that first glass of wine. It relaxes me just enough to be able to take a deep breath and let go of the day's stresses. Unfortunately, I never stop at that one relaxing glass. I empty the bottle. That's when I realize I hate to drink. I realized that I had a drinking problem when I started getting drunk every time I had something alcoholic. I've been working hard at moderating in these past few months. I'm doing so much better thanks to MWO. Keep logging on, read the book, consider the supps and CD's. Good luck. Giving it "an honest try" is crucial to experiencing success. Look forward to hearing from you again.

Julie

[Willingtostop]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Penelope:
Thank you for sharing. I am so happy I found this site. I feel like you do. I started drinking at 13 well over 20 years ago. I had 5 years of sobriety and went back-- such a fool! Finally realized I have a problem and I am not going to be controlled by alcohol. I love my husband and children but cannot keep hiding alcohol. I needed help and cannot wait until my CD & Kudzu comes. I can go a few days without but on my way home that is all I think about. I even mark on my calendar ND (no drinks) or D (drinks) just so I could keep track. Unfortunatly the D's added up more than the ND's. I only had 1 drink last night but also have done the AA think. I am too embarrased to get help from my doctor and do not trust medical records. Thank you to my way out and to all of you out there! This is my way to reach out for help but also to help you all with our struggle with this horrilbe disease. Thank you for listening. Willingtostop

[888Katie888]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Penelope, i feel the same way, i've hidden it well, i think, for over 20 years too, but now i FEEL like crap!! I need help too, ............so tired of this...........and sick of it............the time for change is NOW, knowing that you feel the same, i hope to get better along with you, people that know me, dont really, they dont know what i really go through, daily, just to appear normal

[Sweet Cheeks]

But I really LIKE to drink...

Hi Penelope,

Hope you're doing OK.

Here here, I agree and can relate to everyone on this thread....

I too was at the stage where I was hiding wine bottles so my husband wouldn't see and I even went so far as to putting wine in a tumbler instead of a wine glass so that he would think I was drinking apple juice or something. What planet did I think my husband was from? I was so convinced that I was deceiving everyone but like you, I hated myself for doing it. Totally apathetic at work, shaking and sweating, not to mention shouting at my kids for no real reason. I agree with Julie - I too just couldn't stop at one glass and had to finish the bottle and even open a new one.

I'm on day 4 a/f and I don't feel as bad as I thought I would. With the support of everyone on this site so far, I've got so much inspiration, advice and support - it's been amazing. I've gone and got some detox tabs and have brought loads of herbal teas, soft drinks and even some non-alcoholic wine for weak moments. I've worked out in 4 days, I've probably saved myself ?50. I was too quick to point out to my friend who was giving up smoking how much she could save, but failed to add up how much my habit was costing me.

I think my drinking stemmed back to when I was in the territorial army when I was 19 and life was just one big pissup. We used to have drinking competitions and you weren't cool if you couldn't drink. I too preferred the lads company and obviously keeping up with them was more of a challenge but I managed it to my detrement. I've now realised that it's not cool and it's not clever to stumble around, annoying people and then either passing out or throwing up or both.

This website has been an inspiration to me and hopefully it will be one for you. Keep on posting....
SC:day4:

[bootcampbarbie]

But I really LIKE to drink...

yeah, the funny thing is for all those times i thought no one could tell about my drinking. hummm i realized later that i really can tell when someone is drinking. i really can smell that vodka that i didn't think anyone else could smell. and i can actually smell wine on people. so i don't know who i thought i was fooling. but i'm pretty sure and maybe you can hide it but i'm pretty sure i wasn't fooling anyone. as my husband finally told me later. he just wasn't saying anything. it didn't mean he wasn't noticing. and truly my friends as well. hell i even went to the gym once after slugging down a few martinis. and i remember my trainer going did you just have a drink? who me? uh yeah well one. oh my gawd. wild. so good you are here. you've come to a great place. it has saved my life so far.