Okay, I know I have struggled with drinking for quite a few years now. I went to rehab back in May and it truly helped me find myself again. Then my husband didn't like my road to recovery because of all the AA meetings and reading the BB and meeting with a sponsor and all that. He and others in my family all told me that they thought I was just struggling with past issues of mine. For instance, my father left when I was 4 or 5 bc he was an abusive alcoholic, my mom got remarried and her husband adopted me and he had a boy and a girl that were much older than me. When I was about 7 the girl would supposed to be babysitting me and so she would take me to parties and give me shots of vodka to sleep so she could be with her friends. Then the boy was about 15-16 years old and started molesting me and I told my step-sister which they told my mom and the step-brother was kicked out of the house, but I never went through therapy. When I became a teenager I started hanging out with a crowd that smoked weed all the time and drank and then I started to become promiscuous. Which led to pregnancy, which led to abortions, which led to depression, which led to suicide at 17. I did finally get some help and I was once again convinced I would be okay. Life went on and then I started working at a bar, which led to drugs, which led to drinking, which led to sleeping with men, and then I got pregnant and had my son. I was was a single mom for a long time and I believe my son saved me from doing much more damage to my life. Then I met my husband, who I adored, I thought I would never love another man and he would never treat me badly, we had a little girl, he adopted my son, I adored his daughter and treated her as my own....but it wasn't easy. He started to become mean to me and the kids, he was smoking pot and other things and wasn't around much. Then he couldn't keep a job, meanwhile, I held down a full time job, obtained my bachelors degree in nutritional science, handled all the finances, all dr and dentist appointments, cooked, cleaned, even filled out his job applications so he could get jobs...and so my nightly routine of drinking bottles of wine continued to get worse which led to the rehab....then it turns out he has narcissistic bi polar disorder, ADHD, amounst other things. I tried marriage classes, marriage seminar, marriage mentors, church and we are now in the middle of a crappy divorce. I don't drink every day maybe 3 times a week now and its down to one bottle of wine per time...unless on occasion I go out with some friends. I just don't like how I feel after I drink, its like the old memories come back, like I am being bad for drinking. I am a single mom now...I had to get an order of protection against my husband bc things were spiraling out of control and he would not leave me alone...we were fighting all the time...even when he quit doing drugs and I quit drinking the yelling wouldn't stop and I couldn't take it anymore and it started to get violent.
I know my history and I hope I didn't offend anyone by spilling my guts about what I have done...but I wish I could just come to some kind of happy medium, where drinking is okay, but not feel bad about it. I know its not helping my situation any but it does help take some of the pressure off at the time...anyway...thanks for listening.
I know my history and I hope I didn't offend anyone by spilling my guts about what I have done...but I wish I could just come to some kind of happy medium, where drinking is okay, but not feel bad about it. I know its not helping my situation any but it does help take some of the pressure off at the time...anyway...thanks for listening.
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