Why do I do this - it's ridiculous!

[eyesontheprize]

Hello, first post for me.
Woke up this morning depressed, anxious, feeling fat and full of self loathing after a solo drinking day yesterday. It's something I do quite often. I don't want to be drunk around other people, so I do it on my own. I'm an actress starting a great job soon, have fought really hard to get where I am and the one thing that I keep sabotaging myself with is alcohol. A glass of champagne after the show, the odd cocktail, I'd really miss these, but there's a long history of alcoholism in my family, so if I want to stop the hideous solo drinking with its subsequent weight gain and money problems, do I have to stop drinking entirely? It's ridiculous isn't it? I love lying on my sofa, reading the papers, drinking good wine, or fabulous iced vodka and tonics, but then I eat the kitchen and wake up panicky, overweight, depressed as hell, anxious and despising myself. So, do I go to the fridge and chuck out the rest of the vodka and the half bottle of wine sitting there saying NEVER AGAIN... or ... what? I'm sick of this. Don't know what to do? Any ideas would be welcome. Good luck everyone. xx

[Change]

Why do I do this - it's ridiculous!

Well, i used to do the same. The fine wine (and not so fine sometimes, but always 'nice'). The way you describe it makes me think / release that alcohol use is glamourised in our society. I put it to you this way, it sounds like you are trapped in a cycle. I don't think i need to explain it to you, you have described it perfectly in your post. My question is... when is it going to stop? Do you think it will magically just disappear one day?

Just a question.

[rachel28]

Why do I do this - it's ridiculous!

i dont know how u can stop but i found this site few weeks ago, the people here have been marvellous, it helps just bein honest i find and here u can, im sure u will find some good advice if u read thru the posts, im still thinking about how i can stop an dont really have any ideas YET im just tryin to cut down at moment, good luck, dont beat yourself u p, thats 1 word of advice, think of positives u CAN change not the things that r unchangeable if that makes sense

[eyesontheprize]

Why do I do this - it's ridiculous!

Dear Change. Thank you for replying, you're absolutely right, I supposed I do hope it will somehow just stop somehow...... Trying madly to think exactly what it is I think I would LOSE by stopping doing this. It's an easy pleasure I suppose, at first.... oh good grief. So, do I just stop then? What do you think? If you don't mind me asking, how have you handled it? You say you USED to do the same, what do you do now? Thanks for taking the time, feel I am on the edge of something a bit overwhelming here. hmmm. food for thought. xx

[eyesontheprize]

Why do I do this - it's ridiculous!

Dear Rachel28, Thanks for your reply. Well, we can be clueless together then! As you say, we're being honest, which is a start. Good luck to you. xx

[go2goal]

Why do I do this - it's ridiculous!

Hello EyeonthePrize! This is Go2Goal, a little similar name, huh? I try to remember ''the prize', 'the goal'. For me it is not letting the wine or vodka make decisions for me. I am really just starting, but plan to cut way back and have some Alcohol Free (AF) days in my week. Also, I won't have more than 2-3 glasses of wine in any sitting. I am trying to see how I do with that for a month or so. I, too, have to keep on track of my weight and it looks like MWO is a total program with exercise and nutrition being vital. It all works together, its all us, so it makes so much sense to be wholistic about our weakness and needs. I am just beginning reading the book and will get the supplements. I am not planning on the meds for cravings, but that is there, if I can't make it without.

I am new here, too, but I know this is the right place and way to go. let's keep track of each other and good luck in the great new job!! Keep that prize in sight!

[eyesontheprize]

Why do I do this - it's ridiculous!

Thank you lovely! Yes, let's keep in touch. My first aim is seven days without drinking as that takes me from here to first day in the new job. As I say it, I'm not convincing myself, but as you say, it's about the goal and the prize! Hoorah for us, we're trying! Good luck with your month plan. xx

[Change]

Why do I do this - it's ridiculous!

eyesontheprize;147933 wrote: Dear Change. Thank you for replying, you're absolutely right, I supposed I do hope it will somehow just stop somehow...... Trying madly to think exactly what it is I think I would LOSE by stopping doing this. It's an easy pleasure I suppose, at first.... oh good grief. So, do I just stop then? What do you think? If you don't mind me asking, how have you handled it? You say you USED to do the same, what do you do now? Thanks for taking the time, feel I am on the edge of something a bit overwhelming here. hmmm. food for thought. xx

Hi eyesontheprize,

I thought it was an easy pleasure too, until i realised my goals, ambitions and bank balance were slipping away from me. Uhm yeah, it is an 'easy pleasure', but it's not really. When you think about all the costs, it's not a pleasure at all.

The crunch came for me when i could suddenly drink more than 1 bottle and a mixed drink or 2 in a night and not feel too drunk. I was right on the verge of progessing from wine to spirits as the wine wasn't doing anything anymore. I too thought one day it would magically stop, but instead it got worse and then one day i couldn't see the end anymore, and realised i would be in this for the long haul if i didn't do anything about it. I posted a short story called 'i think i'm addicted' under the lovely name soak, which i changed because of it's negative connetations.

So, anyway, the way i have handled it is coming here, reading these boards and talking with the lovely people here. I've also realised i have to develop strategies instead of drinking, such as read a book when i am bored, go for a walk, eat chocolate (okay, bad one) and also drink grapefruit juice and water instead of alcohol. I am also weighing up the pros of not drinking (It's amazing what you can do with a clear head) and the pros are outweiging the cons at the moment, pros such as more health, a clear head in the morning, better decision-making skills, some time out to think about what i really want to do with my life.

So yeah, i decided cold turkey was the way to go. I wasn't at the stage where i was drinking in the morning, but i was starting to drink earlier and earlier in the day, and i turned up to my bar job drunk quite a few times in the last few months. I found the first day or two the hardest to get through as it is a habit you have to break. But, then on day 4, i work up feeling fantastic. Today, i feel okay, but have had a big chocolate binge which isn't helping, but at least it's not alcohol. In short, i am distracting myself and setting goals for myself... i too have ambitions and i don't want to lose them over the booze.

Just tonight, i realised that alcohol is a way of life... it is like you are tuned to a particular fequency and in order to break that habit, you need to change stations (i hope that makes sense). Tonight, as i was walking down the street, i noticed how, on one hand, my attention was drawn to all the bars and cafes i was walking past (filled with booze). Then on the other, i realised, "hey, i don't have to notice these, i can look at different things and focus on different things"... such as food shops. isn't that weird?!

So, in a way, i think the action of giving up drinking is a matter of shifting your focus from one thing to another. The cravings etc. and social aspects are another thing and have to be dealt with accordingly, but if you can just change your focus, it will be the impetous for dealing with the other parts.

I hope this all makes sense.

In short, i realised my drinking was becoming out of control, i was needing more and more and was worried about my future.

Gosh, it is late and i am tired. Let us know how you go. It would be a shame to start your new job with this still on your mind