Day 1

[tinkerbell68]

So here I am again back at day 1. I've hit rock bottom with my excessive and out of control behaviour. Here is Australia yesterday was ANZAC Day, which as an ex serving member of the defence force is a big day. Lots of drinking always involved. Problem is I can't remember part of the day, getting home, yelling at my daughter, I do however remember my complete loss of bladder control, slipping in in and have a massive bruise on my forehead, at least that's the one bruise I remember, I have bruises on both knees and my elbow. Husband was there and said I was a disgrace, and I tried to punch him when he told me it was time to go home..... Today I'm feeling remorseful and disgusted at what I've become. I've been here before, longest I've been AF in the past 19 years is 20 days. Today is day 1 (again)

[available]

Hi Tinkerbell and welcome. Admitting we have gotten to our bottom is hard. The thought of what we will do, how will we be a non drinker and how the hell can we stop drinking is just overwhelming at first. As a 2 bottle plus a day drinker i was scared to death to stop drinking but 2+ years later i know it can be done. The bonus is that when we dont drink we dont feel ashamed or embarrassed and we do happily remember ever single thing we have done in a 24 hour day.

I am an aussie too and any occasion especially the big aussie drinking ones was a total "go zone" for me to obliterate myself as many others were doing the same thing so i didnt have to hide. So many blackouts, so much wondering what i did the next day, so much shaking of my head when i kind of remembered or i was reminded of being blind.

Keep on here and head over to the newbies nest. We all understand where you are, we have all been there and we all want to help. This day one will be your last day 1 you ever need to have.

Take care and keep posting.

[treetops]

Welcome Tinkerbell - all that Ava said applies here too - as I am a Kiwi. Lots of AL problems here and any excuse, aye - its not special to any one country or group of people. I have never had anything to do with the military and I bet my drinking was just as bad. Alcoholics are a truly diverse lot. But they share one big big thing and you know what it is.
I have felt deep remorse in the past, at times for my drinking, but wallowing in that only led me back to isolating myself inside a bottle. I had many attempts at stopping and starting and then eventually it clicked. having the support of MWO and a superb GP was crucial for me.
Yes, head over to Newbies and start by quitting - see how that goes and you may want to address other issues down the track. But first remove the main problem.
All the very best and next time there is a celebration - as there will be - either do something else or notice that in fact there are people there who are not drinking. Our fallen dead don't need us to get plastered to be remembered.

[Guitarista]

Welcome Tinkerbelle,

Great work tackling day 1.

How's it going?

[tinkerbell68]

Well it's just after 7pm and I'm doing okay. The fact that I'm still feeling very hungover from yesterday is helping. I'm a bit shaky, have a headache and my kidneys are screaming at me. I am still feeling very determined though.

[Eloise]

yup, hang in there tinkerbell68 and remember to eat lots of food!

[Guitarista]

and water.

[satz123]

Yes eat lots - sugar / chocolate will be good for the shakes too and comforting in the first few days.
WRITE down somewhere all you are feeling today - the guilt, the embarrassment the utter shame of your family seeing you that way.
The hangover feelings too - so when your mind wants to forget - when the next occasion arises - you can read and remember.
NOTHING is worth losing our dignity for ( except maybe childbirth)
But CERTAINLY NOT alcohol.

[aihfl]

Tinkerbell, I'm not saying this to minimize the shame you're feeling, but rather to point out it's good that your "bottom" is still relatively high and realize that you need to stop now, while it's only publicly embarrassing yourself and not a job loss/destruction of professional credibility, a hospital/detox stay or jail time. Best of luck to you.

[Baclofenman]

Tomorrow you will wake up and day one will be history and day two will have begun - My suggestion would be to plan day two tonight and make sure it is full of things, keeping your mind clear of temptation and influence of AL - Make a list and tick off your ACHIEVEMENTS tomorrow as you complete day two of sobriety - Anon

When temptation hits you badly (which it will) return and re read your OP

Regards


Bacman