Day One of the Rest of my Life

[20/20]

Okay ...... I've been here before. Day One.
What is going to make this time last for the rest of my life?

Will reminders do it? .......

* Cans in Cupboards
* Black Out - Once SHOULD be enough to scare you straight!!
* Spouse saying ... "I don't actually see you ever actually quitting"
* Your Child telling you straight up you are an Alcoholic.
* The things you've SAID while under the influence ..... the note in the mail box topping the list.
and on, and on, and on the list could go.

Will looking in the Mirror do it? .....

* Spongey puffy face
* The distended abdomen
* The Extra Weight that clings because of the Al consumption and the hunger that arrives after drinking.
* The yellowed foggy eyes
* The skin eruptions

Will promises of a great future do it? .......

* Waking up clean and clear
* Going to bed each night with the relief of knowing you didn't drink
* Being able to actually "get things done" every single day, because my time is not squandered away drinking and being anything but productive.
* Being about to look my kids and spouse in the eye and "KNOW" (not "say", because we all know our words mean nothing to our family) that I am not
drinking.
* Knowing that NO MATTER WHAT LIFE THROWS AT ME, that the drinking option is OFF THE TABLE.

Because this post could go ON and ON in this vain .... I'll S-T-O-P here. That is .... I'll STOP drinking. Because these things I've listed above are ENOUGH reason.

Today is ... Day One ... of the rest of my life.

[available]

Welcome 20 and a great list. I knew i had to give up al for me so that i could be there for everyone that needed me but if i wasnt 110% committed in my quit then no matter who i wanted to quit for i would not do it.

You can do this, nearly 1000 days for me and i would not give up the life i have now for a drop of al.

Head over to the newbies nest and say hi, it is a busy thread with lots of encouragement. We have all been where you are so we understand.

[Matt M.]

20/20 great to have you back. Looks like your already doing it, Journaling, writing down all the reasons why I shouldn't be drinking, reminders of the guilt,shame, remorse and misery. Inevitably AL will creep in and amazingly help us forget or lessen the severity of our past carnage.
Look at Alcohol for what it really is, perfectly packaged poison, with absolutely zero benefit and a ton of negatives.
I have always been amazed of how cunning and powerful al can have on us. My kids are my life, I would literally give my life for them, yet for so many years my kids ultimately took a back seat to Al.
Keep this up and don't look back- too much

[aihfl]

Congratulations for making the decision to stop. But as you said, this is not your first day 1. I was a chronic relapser before it finally stuck. I even drank after two prior stints in a rehab. So while you've listed many worthwhile reasons for quitting, I'd be interested in hearing more about how you're going to quit. These aren't suggestions by any means, they're just a few questions you may want to ask yourself because good intentions are critical, but they are only the first step.

- We tend to feel great after quitting drinking (AA calls it the "pink cloud"). What are you going to do after the "pink cloud" wears off and life with its inevitable bad days return? What thought stopping techniques are you going to employ? What is going to be your backup plan and your backup to your backup?
- How are you going to occupy the time you used to spend drinking?
- What is your support network like? Are there people with whom you can be starkly honest telling them things that are difficult to talk about? If not, how can you bolster your support network? (I'm not necessarily advocating for twelve step meeting attendance; it was useful for me in the beginning, but I subsequently found the support I needed elsewhere.)
- Are there any co-morbid conditions that you feel might have driven your drinking such as anxiety? Would it help to see a psychiatrist, psychotherapist and/or participate in recovery group sessions led by a mental health professional?

[NoraC]

Keep talking. Good for you!

[20/20]

Making me dig ... this is good

I'm so appreciative of the feed back from everyone. This one is going to get printed off - I have never actually walked myself through this process. I am going to spend some time figuring this out. My "pink cloud" usually lasts only a few days or few weeks at best. Then somehow I get "amnesia" about why I quit in the first place. Today when I had a "drinking thought" - it was the first time that I actually realized it's a CRAVING. I don't think I ever gave any credibility to the power of "thoughts" to be what they really are .... "cravings". My biggest fear is that the "other brain" (the one that's doing the talking about drinking) takes complete control over my decisions. Today when I realized the "talking in my head" was a true craving - it was much easier to say NO.

I would love hearing your answers to these questions - because I honestly don't even know how to formulate my plan aihfl ..... I don't even know how to brain storm this.

Thanks so all of the input here. I REALLY need it!!!!

Congratulations for making the decision to stop. But as you said, this is not your first day 1. I was a chronic relapser before it finally stuck. I even drank after two prior stints in a rehab. So while you've listed many worthwhile reasons for quitting, I'd be interested in hearing more about how you're going to quit. These aren't suggestions by any means, they're just a few questions you may want to ask yourself because good intentions are critical, but they are only the first step.

- We tend to feel great after quitting drinking (AA calls it the "pink cloud"). What are you going to do after the "pink cloud" wears off and life with its inevitable bad days return? What thought stopping techniques are you going to employ? What is going to be your backup plan and your backup to your backup?
- How are you going to occupy the time you used to spend drinking?
- What is your support network like? Are there people with whom you can be starkly honest telling them things that are difficult to talk about? If not, how can you bolster your support network? (I'm not necessarily advocating for twelve step meeting attendance; it was useful for me in the beginning, but I subsequently found the support I needed elsewhere.)
- Are there any co-morbid conditions that you feel might have driven your drinking such as anxiety? Would it help to see a psychiatrist, psychotherapist and/or participate in recovery group sessions led by a mental health professional?

[aihfl]

Hi 20/20, thought I'd just take a few minutes and post a reply before I retire for the night. I started a thread pretty early on in my own recovery about thought stopping techniques and the relapse process I worked out with my therapist during my third (and hopefully final) stay in rehab. You can find it here:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/ju...e-process.html

Talking to someone is probably the best thing, and I don't think family members are the best sounding boards for several reasons. They are the people closest to you, and most likely the people who have been hurt the most by your behavior while intoxicated. It's my opinion that it can be an unfair burden to place on them for unconditional support and understanding. They need to do their own healing, just like you. That said, you do need people that will provide you with unconditional support. The best therapist I ever had who was an alcoholic herself with 27 years of sobriety at the time summed it up best with her statement, "addiction is a disorder of stuck emotions," and stuck emotions is exactly what happens when you internalize your problems.

Several of AA's steps revolve around making a "searching and fearless moral inventory" and "making amends" to those you have wronged. I've come to strongly disagree with that. Your family and those you have hurt will likely see any attempts at amend-making as just paying lip-service yet again. Just stay sober. That is the best amend you can make. And by staying sober, you are less likely to behave in an antisocial way, rendering the need for a moral inventory unnecessary.

That is AWESOME that you recognize the addictive voice is not you. When you recognize that, you'll then start to hear the addictive voice that you always assumed was you start to use the pronoun "you" instead of "I." Rather than hearing, "I want a drink," you'll hear, "you can deal with just one drink." Then you can turn the tables on your addictive voice by thinking, "It wants a drink, but I don't drink." If this type of conditioning sounds appealing to you, I highly suggest getting a copy of Jack Trimpey's Rational Recovery. I picked up my copy used for five dollars US. I don't share Trimpey's visceral dislike of AA, and I don't care for his glib dismissal of psychiatry and psychotherapy, but it is, in my opinion, a valuable resource.

I'm going on a lengthy bike ride tomorrow morning so bonne nuit for now.

[20/20]

Soaking in these great posts. Day 3 comes to an end. Thankful to be here with you all.

[20/20]

Oh my gosh - I've been racing through my day .... and suddenly a little while ago I had the strongest urge to drink!! It catches me out of nowhere. I didn't. I snapped my wrist with my band several times until it hurt. :egad: I am running through the ... "am I tired, hungry, thirsty" etc. questions. It's just such an "automatic" thought that jumps in. The bottom line is that "IT" wants a drink --- I don't drink. It is not going to run my life anymore. I am.

Whew.

[Byrdlady]

20/20, great to see you here and joining the ranks of the happily sober! It takes some work to get here, but getting sober is a skill that can be learned! Be sure to check out the Tool Box, link in my signature line. There are a few suggestions for a Plan in there. In fact, let me go see if I can find mine fo you....hang tight.

Found it. There is one thing I would add to this.....make a pact with yourself to contact one of us BEFORE you take a drink. Here you go.

What is a Plan?
I heard about this thing called a Plan, and I HAD plans, but I wouldn't call it a PLAN, as such....it was more of a HOPE. A GOAL, even. A PLAN sounded way too formal for this thing I was embarking on...after all, what if I failed? Hope is NOT a strategy. Get yourself a PLAN.

#1 Failure is not an option. When you think you are going to fail, guess what? You FAIL! Wrote this book on this one. Get your mind into a mode of THIS WILL BE DONE. Don't be willy-nilly, or your willy will get nillied. Your mind is your best friend and your biggest enemy. Control IT and you will win. Control your thoughts and you will win.

Get all of the AL out of your house/space. Yes...ALL of it. You don't need a safety net because you are not going to fail. I fought this one hard, but I wasn't able to succeed until I did it. No, I was NOT different than everybody else, I could not resist it if it was in the house. GET IT OUT.

Get your story down as to why you're not drinking. This is important. Get a story together you can live with. I actually have ulcerative colitis, so I say that my UC is 1000 times better if I don't drink. If you are a Type A personality, you might enjoy using 'AL kills my ulcers'. If you are a health nuts, "I'm detoxing"....religious nut? "I gave it up for Lent and felt so good I kept going".....you get the idea. Get your story and stick to it.

As Alkies, we aren't used to eating. This is the SILVER BULLET to succeeding. If you have a bad craving and The Voices are knocking, EAT! Eat until you are FULL! Remember those times when you've said, "I can't eat another bite of anything!" That's the full we're talking about. You will not want anything if you EAT!

You are gonna feel like dookey for a few days. I felt flu-like for the first couple weeks, so treat yourself well. Drink plenty of fluids and rest! Your body is changing over from an ethanol burning engine to a food/nutrient burning machine. Have patience as your body makes this transition.

Keep yourself out of temptation. STAY out of the wine aisle at the grocery store. NO, you are not stronger than this thing, protect your young quit with everything you've got. Stay out of bars and avoid booze parties, especially the first 3 or 4 weeks. I don't care how strong you feel, this is a new thing for us and temptation is everywhere. Avoid it at all costs.

Change your mindset from one of deprivation to one of gratitude. Just look at the folks on here who have made C-changes in their lives!!! They are HAPPY and optimistic! Does this sound like someone who considers themselves deprived? It's all a matter of perspective. Thank God, you don't HAVE to drink today!!! Remember, to a worm, digging around in the hard old ground is a lot more relaxing than going fishing! Try not to throw, attend and participate in Pity Parties, they serve no good purpose.

Glue yourself to this site and learn everything you can about this condition we have. Knowledge is power. Nothing we do or think hasn't been done or thought before, so look back on the 7 years of experience here and you will find out what happens if you do such and such.

Let go of the past... don't look back. Let it go. ALL of it. Forgive yourself and move on....nothing to see here. There is NOTHING we can do to change what we've done, but we can start today and make things better for our future.

Did I mention gluing yourself here? Read and Post!!! This is key! Being part of a group is important. Like so many have said recently, we find that we actually don't have a much of a life outside the bottle! So learning to trust others again is part of our emotional growth and healing. Yes, the Nest does move fast, but we are always on point. You just regained about 4-6 hours a day back, so spending 30 minutes catching up here should be no problem. Staying connected here is a real key to STAYING sober. The world out there is telling us to do something totally counter to what we know we must do. Staying connected with like-minded people is vital. We are swimming upstream on this one...it's nice to have fellow fish to make the journey with us.

I feared someone giving me a drink by mistake....if they ever do, I'm spitting it back in the glass. My quit is my foundation. No one can take it from me.

That's my take on The Plan. Byrdie

[20/20]

Wow Byrdlady I'm sitting here crying as I'm reading this. I don't know if I've ever had support like this before. Just this simple thread has me feeling like I'm in a room of people who UNDERSTAND! (I am in a cyber room with people who understand ... :heartbeat I had put myself on an island for years - thinking somehow I can do this BY MYSELF ...... which I obviously haven't and CAN'T, and here I am crying because finally I feel I have support from people who suddenly and instantly KNOW ME!! Oh how awesome this is. Thank you is just a drop of what I feel right now. The people here jumped in and I already feel like I belong here. Like I've come home! :heartbeat:

I'm officially making a pact with myself RIGHT NOW - that I will NOT drink without contacting someone from this site first. I'm making that a promise .... a contract ... a pact with myself. I can do that!

I love, love your plan you posted. I am struggling with my husband - who drinks moderately - and doesn't want to remove all of the alcohol from the house. I got into a fight with him about it. He is from the school of "you are going to be exposed to drinking in many settings, so you need to use self control and not demand I remove my beer." :cuss: That is the most frustrating. He supports me in so many ways, but doesn't want "MY ISSUE" to affect his habits and life. This one is going to be hard.

I love every part of this post and am taking lots of notes. For the first time in FOREVER, I feel more than hope. I feel certain that no matter how hard, soft or bumpy this journey of living without Alcohol is - I am EXCITED to be on it! That doesn't mean that i will not have the ugly Beast talking to me 2 minutes from now ..... but I am preparing, planning and going to do whats necessary to NEVER drink alcohol again! NEVER! I have a poster at work that says ... "Fail to Plan .... Plan to Fail" This poster is going to take on new meaning for me!!

Day 4 is coming to a close. I am so thankful for you all here. What a gift.

[20/20]

As I begin day 5 - I feel the weight on my brain and head lifting. The numb fear is also starting to lift. I know I have a LONG way to go - but for today I want to be present, enjoy this beautiful July day and not wish it away.

This quote was delivered this morning into an app I use on my phone:

"If you see a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere"

How true. Life isn't made up of easy street. So for today .... I'm going to embrace each moment with positive expectation.

Good day to all!!!

[madonmehndi]

HI

Hi 20/20

Just been reading through your thread and all the lovely and helpful replies, hope you are doing ok today this is my third day AL free and I am not feeling too good, irritable and achy everywhere but I am determined to beat this thing!

[madonmehndi]

[QUOTE=20/20;1679246]As I begin day 5 - I feel the weight on my brain and head lifting. The numb fear is also starting to lift. I know I have a LONG way to go - but for today I want to be present, enjoy this beautiful July day and not wish it away.

This quote was delivered this morning into an app I use on my phone:

"If you see a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere"

How true. Life isn't made up of easy street. So for today .... I'm going to embrace each moment with positive expectation.

Good day to all!!![/QUOTE

Which app are you using please? I can't remember what mine is called but it has quotes too

[NoSugar]

For the first time in FOREVER, I feel more than hope. I feel certain that no matter how hard, soft or bumpy this journey of living without Alcohol is - I am EXCITED to be on it!

Hi, 20/20
Your mindset that this is an opportunity makes your success so much more likely! After a time of feeling sorry for myself, I started to actually enjoy the challenges of navigating all of the "firsts" without a drink. It can become sort of a game and then you have the satisfaction of success merely by not dumping poison down your gullet - win/win :smile:!