Day One of the Rest of my Life

[20/20]

YEAH!!!!!!!! :victorious: Week one completely behind me!!!!!!!!!! A big mile stone for me!!!!!! Now I am sooooo glad that I stopped drinking on a Saturday, because every single Saturday will be an anniversary!! Instead of being a downer that I can't "drink" it will be a new week with another one behind!!

This last week was a blur when I look back. I'm so glad I posted on this tread all week. It's hard to remember the details. :eek-new: But over all I think I was so determined that I pushed a lot of my physical symptoms out of my mind and barreled through.

I was more "scared" this past week than anything. The drinking cravings that come out of the blue really had me perplexed. I really feel like they just BOUNCE in out of nowhere. So figuring out how to STOP them consumed my week. The only thing that Helped was redirecting it to being "IT" and "I"... "IT" wants me to drink ... "I" don't drink is the response. Rational Recovery (rationalrecovery.com) has a really awesome slide show called the BIG PLAN they walk you through. I did it. It really helped me all week.

I have to get outside now before it gets hot .... I'll be back later!! Happy Day to Everyone!! Lets BEAT the Beast back today!!

[Byrdlady]

20/20,
In real life, there are no prizes for getting sober, but around here, there ARE! Here's yours for those first 7 days! :butt: The worst is BEHIND you! We are standing next to you, cheek to cheek! You'll get no cracks from us on how challenging that first week is! Well done!
Your PREP acronym reminded me of one I keep on a posty in my desk drawer:
S top
O bserve
B reathe
E xperience
R espond

That has helped me more times than I can count. My usualy reaction to stuff was to get PO'd and my reapinse was to drink AT it. That'll show THEM! Take THAT, you %#¥€!?! Just the action of STOPPING and thinking about it first really helped. I ate AT people and drank AT them.....all I became was a fat drunk! I operate differntly now. I have learned a whole new set of coping skills!
Im so happy to see you doing so well, you are doing the heavy lifting now, it will pay off in spades later!
Congrats on those first 7! Byrdie

[Choices]

Huge congrats on day 7! 20/20!!! I love that it's on a Saturday for you too!! What a great anniversary.
:sohappy:

[20/20]

Day 9

I have had such a busy day - still outside doing landscaping. I just had dinner, and am going to go back out for a little bit - as it was so hot all day, I can get a bit more done before it gets dark. Trying to get this project done while my hubs is gone! I never, ever, ever would be able to work this hard - and for sure wouldn't go back out to work in the evening! This is great!

[madonmehndi]

Well done 20/20 on your AL Free Week!!! I wish it was hot where I live it is always windy and rainy here!! I do a lot of veg growing and long for some sunshine!!

[20/20]

Day 11

I have some serious catching up to do here! But it's late and I've been going to bed SO late for the last 3 nights so I'll keep it short. I have a BIG landscaping project I'm doing and I do all of my prep and running around during the day while it's hot outside - and I start the heavy lifting in the evening. I'm not going to complain about the hot - because I like it more than cold weather!! I've been sweating like planet earth is a gym!! I've drank more water - and sweat out more toxins than I could ever imagine!! That's been a benefit of having this to do this week!

The past few days I've only thought about drinking a few times. I really think having something really pressing on your schedule is good for these early AF days. I have a big deadline - and didn't even eat dinner tonight. Whew! Ok --- I'm off to read, and then to sleep ..... Zzzzzzz

[madonmehndi]

Hey, just checking in on you, how has your day been? Still busy with the landscaping?

[20/20]

Day 12

Hi Mado!!!! Another busy busy busy day ...... but I'm not with-in a few hours of being finished! Whew! But what a great way to NOT think about AL all day! I was to blasted busy! I'm exhausted, but in a good way. I have slept better the past few nights. This week is racing by! I'm going to spend more time Friday on MWO .... I haven't had time to catch up! G-Night!

[20/20]

Need Reinforcement ... Right NOW!!

Ugggg .... I'm stressing out of my skin!!!! All I can think of is LIQUID NUMBING FLUID!!!!! What triggered?

1. I'm not done with my Project and I lose my help in 90 minutes. My Hubs is coming home a day early, and I wanted this to be DONE!!!

2. I got roped into planning a huge family reunion a couple of months ago - and my 86 year old Dad (WHO IS A HUGE TRIGGER FOR ME ON TOP OF ALL ELSE) called me an chewed me out because he doesn't know the details of the reunion, and he wants every detail. I'm trying to get details from the family 2000 miles away as to when they are arriving (They are staying at his house, and he lives 4 hours away from me) but no one seems in a rush to tell me when they are getting to an 86 year old Uncles home who they haven't seen in over 30 years!!! Why am I the one who gets involved with planning these things. UGG.. Anyway, I just spent 30 minutes listening to his rant on me - and finally I said (after I spewed about not wanting to be the one to "plan" this to begin with) that my phone battery was almost dead ... and I hung up a couple of minutes later. My fight or flight feeling was in high gear.

My Hubs calls and is coming home a day earlier. Guess what he says he wants to do the minute he gets home .... YEP. Sorry for to much information here, but SERIOUSLY HUSBAND!!! I've been working like an OX for almost a week .... and he wants me "ready" and "waiting" for him!!!! :cuss:

4. My house is a disaster, because I've been ... you guessed it ...... working outside for a week!!!! I wanted to have all day tomorrow to clean - before hubs got home. I'm a perfectionist. I'll admit that HUGE fault right here

5. I got a call today from a company who wants to to talk to them about coming to work for them .... I know that's a positive .... but BIG CHANGE stresses me too.

Why am I stressing over this? Because somehow that's what I do ... BIG STRESS over the stupid stuff - the stuff life is made of!!!! I'm just going to hit submit. The feeling of wanting to drink is subsiding as I'm typing this. AND as I am typing this .... the cousin who has been the "hold up" just messaged me on Facebook (Maybe because I sent her a message right before I typed this that said .... "WHEN ARE YOU ARRIVING AT MY DADS? HOW LONG ARE YOU STAYING. HE NEEDS TO KNOW. YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE GOING TO CALL HIM A MONTH AGO. WHEN I TELL HIM YOU'RE CALLING, AND YOU DON'T .... HE SITS BY THE PHONE FRETTING. HE'S 86 AND DETAIL AND ANAL ARE AN UNDERSTATEMENT. " Hummm .... she replyed immed.

okay .... calming down ... hitting submit

[Choices]

Oh wow 20/20!

That is a ton of stress all at once totally harshing your mellow! If it were me I'd just stop everything and take a shower. That might sound strange. But there is actually not much you can do about any of these things today.., I guess except get ready for hubby. Wink. Terrible advice I'm sure.. Ug, but I'd probably need that more then anything.. Endorphins.. At least! Hang in there. Not drinking is the most important thing. You've been working on the landscaping so hard. Maybe this is a sign to just stop and take a break. It all can wait. Hugs and thinking of you.

[paulywogg]

20/20,I know you're stressed and good on you for posting how you feel here I agree with Choices in that "being ready" for hubs is probably just what you need to release some tension

[20/20]

Oh wow 20/20!

That is a ton of stress all at once totally harshing your mellow! If it were me I'd just stop everything and take a shower. That might sound strange. But there is actually not much you can do about any of these things today.., I guess except get ready for hubby. Wink. Terrible advice I'm sure.. Ug, but I'd probably need that more then anything.. Endorphins.. At least! Hang in there. Not drinking is the most important thing. You've been working on the landscaping so hard. Maybe this is a sign to just stop and take a break. It all can wait. Hugs and thinking of you.

Oh wow you are so awesome ... I laughed and practically cried reading your post. I AM going to go take a shower!! Ha! Endorphins are good .. yes!! :exclaim: And your right ..... I've been going to bed at midnight ... getting up at 6 ... I've got to get out of this danger zone!!!

The stress started passing the moment I typed my rant. Now it's subsided. WHEW!

[20/20]

20/20,I know you're stressed and good on you for posting how you feel here I agree with Choices in that "being ready" for hubs is probably just what you need to release some tension

Love it .... confirmation. I'm so glad somebody is always on MWO to help!!! Thank you Thank you

[Choices]

Oh good! I was thinking I was being 50's house wife! I'm glad you felt better after your rant... I try and get too much done all the time.. and it can backfire. It's like we feel the wonderfulness of sobriety and just want to take on the world and all the things we have put off etc.. You are doing SO fantastic!!!

[20/20]

Oh good! I was thinking I was being 50's house wife! I'm glad you felt better after your rant... I try and get too much done all the time.. and it can backfire. It's like we feel the wonderfulness of sobriety and just want to take on the world and all the things we have put off etc.. You are doing SO fantastic!!!

You nailed it on the head. I put WAY to much pressure on myself all week - and when everything happened all with-in an hour .. I about lost it. I forgot to mention that the first domino to fall was that I opened a medical bill where my insurance declined to pay for a scan on my sinuses . It's an outrageous amount of money. Then the rest came tumbling at me, and I was to worn out to think it all through and react like a calm mature adult! :eek-new:

So I made it through my first real crisis. Whew. Seriously. I felt like a caged lion for a bit. It was an internal struggle of panic. Not like I was actually craving a "drink" ... I was craving and ESCAPE! I think I faced the storm head on - and was thinking "now what do I do with these feelings?" One real life senario of many to come I'm sure.

The rest of the evening was calm. I took my dog for a walk, as the weather had actually turned cool. A good friend lives a few blocks from me and I went to visit her for a bit. I am SO thankful that I didn't RE-ACT .... but just let the feelings out on here, and they started to melt away. Not saying I was just happy about it all - but was able to let it all just set. I'm still really annoyed about the insurance - so I will have to call them tomorrow. Sticking my head in a bottle won't solve anything ... just make it worse. It was wonderful that you happened to be "on line"..... at just the right time!! :happy2: