Here I go again!

[20/20]

congratulations on 1 week completely alcohol free!! You did it!
Week two .... Bring it on!!!!

[Eloise]

Well done, 7 days sober!

:woohoo2::llama:

[madonmehndi]

Aw thanks for the support it really means a lot to know there are people out there rooting for me!!

Day 9 today, can hardly believe I am actually doing this, I feel like I am finally 'getting' this and my thought patterns are different than on previous attempts to quit, can't quite put my finger on why though!

I was having a really positive day today, got up feeling well and ready for the day ahead, went up to my favourite fabric shop (has hundreds of rolls of fabric at rock bottom prices) and treated myself to some lovely dress fabrics to have a go at making myself a couple of tunic dresses then called at the butchers for steaks for dinner (hubby's request) and was congratulating myself at not buying wine to go with them when my phone rang and it was my daughter (aged 22 and lives over 100 miles away) asking if she can come to visit this weekend, now I love her to visit but whenever she does we all end up eating too much and drinking lots and I just couldn't face the temptation of that at this early stage so I had to put her off, I don't want to tell her I have am on the wagon as she will no doubt tell my ex husband and ex MIL and I don't want them to know so I told a half truth and said my hubby and I are on a diet and don't want to sabotage it so could she wait a couple of weeks - she was upset and put the phone down on me I really feel I can't cope with any obstacles to my sobriety at this point, I just feel I need to focus on ME and only ME and that is hard enough as it is with a small son and hubby to cater for, GOD I feel just awful now, like a really bad mother who doesn't want to see her daughter someone please tell me I have done the right thing ?
Sorry for the long rant I just needed to get it out!!

On a more cheerful note I am meeting with one of my girlfriends tomorrow for lunch and cake, we are going to a patisserie where they don't serve AL so I won't be tempted (plus I am driving anyway), she and I have been friends for nearly 4 years and although she knows I like my wine she has no idea of the extent, I am considering confiding in her but not sure as yet, will see how I feel tomorrow.

Quick question: does anyone else have headaches constantly? I never normally have them other than the odd migraine maybe twice a year but since I quit I am having them on and off all day, every day!

Hope everyone is ok today

[madonmehndi]

Also forgot to say, my Sober Time app's thought for the day is:

"I am not telling you it will be easy, I am telling you it will be worth it"

Loving that!

[abcowboy]

You did the right thing Mady, it may feel wrong, it may feel selfish, but the day will come when the others realize you made those sacrifices to become a better person!

[Choices]

I agree, you did the right thing.. and I'm impressed! That is tough. Your not a bad mum, good ones look after themselves first anyway so they can be good to their children anyway. I've been posting on the Ladies on a Mission thread.. it's a great thread if you want to pop in.

[20/20]

I totally agree ... You did the right thing. This is life and death as far as I'm concerned. In the future, you will be able to sit her down and have a heart to heart. I have a daughter in her late 20's and she would have done the same thing. Part of our drinking problem is that we bend over backwards to make our Children happy ... at our expense. That's fine when they are little, but the fact we do it into their adulthood should tell us partly why we are in this mess. SO .... it's okay. It doesn't feel good, but it's OKAY. This too shall pass. I also have an ex-husband, and the most stress I can inflict on myself is having he, and HIS WIFE know anything about me!!!!!!!!! I totally get that!!!!!

Just keep doing this. YOU are starting day 10 now! double digits!!!! :welldone:

[available]

Madon, you did the right thing for sure. I told my daughter i was giving up drinking on a Sunday from memory. I was drunk of course when i stated this and having no faith in me at all bought a bottle of wine around the next day. I was so tempted but at the end of the day that one bottle that i would have had to have shared, god forbid, was never enough. She didnt believe in me at first, none of my children did but now they do and i dont care who they tell that their mum is an alcoholic. They are proud of me, they have seen me drunk and an embarrassment. You can tell your daughter in time and she will understand. My daughter tells me she misses drinking with me and at times i miss it too but we all know that i can never drink again.

My most fav drinking buddy in the world (other than myself) was visiting the state i live in and i had to tell her my dog was very sick so i could not see her. I told her months later as she thought i did not want to see her. I did but i didnt.

Your quit is the most important thing in the world, and it always should be.

[dejafoo345]

I just stumbled on this thread and it's been really wonderful reading through it. The hardest thing about this has been feeling alone, but this community has really changed that view for me. I've been trying and failing this entire year, but I know the biggest thing we all need to focus on is that we recognize a problem and recognize that we want to change. Change is hard, and painful. But all of the people in this community who have gotten through the beginning have nothing but great things to say on the other side.

Today is my day 2, but I'm only focused on today. Something that I've always loved are quotes, and I've started sending myself one a day via email. I'll share my quote for today with all of you, and wish you continued strength!

“I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward.” – Charlotte Brontë

[madonmehndi]

I just stumbled on this thread and it's been really wonderful reading through it. The hardest thing about this has been feeling alone, but this community has really changed that view for me. I've been trying and failing this entire year, but I know the biggest thing we all need to focus on is that we recognize a problem and recognize that we want to change. Change is hard, and painful. But all of the people in this community who have gotten through the beginning have nothing but great things to say on the other side.

Today is my day 2, but I'm only focused on today. Something that I've always loved are quotes, and I've started sending myself one a day via email. I'll share my quote for today with all of you, and wish you continued strength!

“I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward.” – Charlotte Brontë

HI and welcome to my little thread Sending yourself a motivational quote each day is a fab idea, I often text myself things I need to remember, I might take up your idea too! Hope you are ok and staying strong

[madonmehndi]

Evening all,

Thanks for all the messages of support, I am ok today, trying not to think about my daughter, she will get over it and hopefully I can tell her in time, I bought her a couple of little treats today and I am going to make her a scarf and post them to her so she knows I am thinking of her

Had a lovely day today, met my friend and went for tea and cakes and had a lovely catch up, I confided in her about my quit but didn't admit to the extent of my addiction, just said I had been drinking too much and too often lately so I was quitting, she said I had done really well so far and wished me luck with it. We went shopping afterwards and I treated myself to a few things, it was nice to be able to spend money I would have otherwise wasted on AL!!

So here I am at the end of day 10, I honestly cannot believe I have actually done it, I have made it to double digits, I feel proud of myself, I have found this week easier, have had less thoughts of AL and less cravings, I haven't done my hypno app for 5 days as I was getting bored of it and didn't find it was helping really, just thinking about my reasons for quitting, reminding myself how much I really want this has been my motivation, I feel so much happier, brighter and less depressed than I did last week and I feel more optimistic about my ability to stay AL free!

Last night I cut out a dress from a pattern I have had for over a year and today I started to sew it, concentrating on something I have never done before is a challenge but one that is doing me good, I love that I am sober in an evening and capable of more than vegging out in front of the tv!!!

Hope everyone is well and staying strong

[Choices]

You sound really good Mady,
Double digits is fabulous! I'm at a week now... And finding it the opposite! But never mind.. I'm still at it and that's the main thing. I started to learn how to sew after I had my girl. I've got lots of projects I'd love to finish. Your right, much more interesting then passing hours drinking and numbing myself by the tv. Your daughter will love the scarf. My mom has put up some boundaries with me just on her energy levels and needing to take care of herself, this is more about her just getting older and probably needing to lean on me more instead or the other way around. I can't say I liked this change in dynamics at first! But I always adjust. I don't even tell her most of my problems anymore so as not to give her stress or worry. Because I know she does. I guess my point is all of our relationships can be in flux..... Especially if there is a life changing event. And I think ditching alcohol is a major life changing event for sure.

[dejafoo345]

Good morning all -

Mad, congrats on 10 days! I reached 10 days back in January just to get it out of my system for a while. I felt fantastic, but then got a little cocky and started drinking again. I'm motivated to get those 10 days back and keep going.

Day 3 here and I'm feeling the irritability that you had talked about on previous days. Any time my boyfriend brings up a future event, I snap at him. I try to explain that it's because it gives me anxiety to look ahead, especially at events where I know there will be AL. He's trying to understand, but it's hard. BUT he has also told me that as long as I decide to stay AL free, he will too. I'm not sure how long that will last, but I so do appreciate the sentiment. The one thing I am hating more than the irritability though, are my night sweats and trouble sleeping. I know it's the AL getting out of my body but UGH it is awful. To make myself feel better, I have been skipping the crowded and dark gym in the morning and instead going for long, beautiful walks around my neighborhood. I live in the desert and the wildlife and plants are just stunning, and it really is refreshing to just be outdoors and walking somewhere instead of the treadmill.

Something that I've also brought into my daily regiment is reading through a book called "The Alternative 12 Steps: A Secular Guide to Recovery." Not saying anything negative about AA, but it is nice to get a perspective on the 12 Steps for someone who does not consider myself religious. I would always shy away from the Steps or AA - mostly because of the stigma but also because I wasn't sure I could give it up to a god I don't believe in. Those were excuses, however this book has made it more approachable for me. It's truly my first time taking a good look at the Steps and trying to apply them to my life.

That, paired with daily quotes, a daily app called Self Help, this community and continuing to focus on today (not yesterday, not tomorrow), is helping me feel better. I just always have the voice in the back of my head that says "This won't last." My mission is to prove that voice wrong.

Here is my quote for today, a Chinese proverb: "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now."

[Choices]

Thanks for your post Deja,

It all resonates with me. Oh those first nights are bloody awful! AL is just junk in our bodies. That is wonderful your boyfriend is jumping on board with you. I agree thinking too far a head can bring stress. I sometimes wish there was a pause button on life to get my self together! I've switched up my routine too.. As far as going to the gym. Walking is amazing in the early sober days isn't it? I think I'll take one after I drop my girl off to school. There is a bird reserve close to her school that I love walking around. And, it's flat. I'm not in the mood for hills... Real ones or metaphoric!

[dejafoo345]

Thanks Choices! The bird reserve sounds wonderful, I hope you enjoyed

We have a friend in town and he just found out a friend of his died this morning - actually from a drug overdose. He decided to buy two cases of beer and a box of wine to cope. He asked if I wanted anything via text and I had said no, I am trying to dry out a bit. When I got home, he still offered me all of the alcohol he had gotten. I came up to my room and was honest with my boyfriend saying I was tempted to give in. We agreed that I could have a few tonight and be fine, but that it would probably turn into a binge and I'd end up right back where I was a few days ago. So I told him I needed a few minutes, read a chapter in the 12 steps book and am posting here.

Whew - I really thought I was going to give in. But I am feeling better. All those posts about taking a moment, even just to sit in the dark, and let the feeling come, feel it, and then let it go. I guess it works, it just takes a little (okay a lot of) effort. I'm heading into the weekend with Friday coming tomorrow, so this won't be easy. But I will post on here, keep reading, and keep telling myself to breath, and just go moment by moment, day by day.