Here I go again!

[20/20]

Mad - Hoping day 4 ended with you feeling better than yesterday, and knowing tomorrow will be better than today. Not sure of the time difference from my side of the pond to yours - but you should be closer to tomorrow than I am .:victorious:

Choices ... Congrats on day 2! I can totally relate to your comment about being "sick and tired .... "
On Saturday when I quit ... I honestly think that the "sick and tired of being sick and tired ... again" is what happened. Until we are SO DONE and FED UP with feeling stuck - anxious - nervous - grumpy - scared .... and many years older than we actually are .. we will bail from our great intents .... Daily. I said to myself ... "have you had it? Well ... have you? .... Then STOP! Do something about it!! Do things 180 degrees different than you have been" I logged on to MWO and the last line of my first post says .... so STOP. I knew I needed support and help. I am finding that here. And your day two is gives me hope that I can have day 7 tomorrow, because we both know it's truly ONE DAY AT A TIME. So your being AF today gives hope to my AF today. So keep it up!!

[madonmehndi]

Hi all,

Day 5 today for me and I am feeling much better, still tired but my achiness has gone and my stomach finally feels normal, I have been into town today and had a wander round, bought myself some nice face cream instead of wine!!

My goal is to stay sober until my birthday on the 30th of this month, that will be 26 days and I plan to re-assess after that when I see how I feel, the only times over the past 25 years when I have been sober for any long period of time have been 2 pregnancies (my DD is 22 and DS is almost 7) and whilst breastfeeding, I have had shorter periods throughout but never more than a couple of weeks, when I think how much of my life i have been drinking too much I feel ashamed, appalled and upset

I have adopted the snap band thingy that someone on here suggests (aifhl ? ) and also checking my sober time app for new quotes seems to motivate me in down moments, my hubby is being very supportive and I feel lucky to have him although I kind of feel like I want to get through this first weekend on my own to prove to him that I can actually do it, I have made so many promises and failed miserably in the past!

Hope everyone is doing ok today

[20/20]

Hi Mad!

It's so awesome to be on Day 5!! WaY 2 gO!!!! :sohappy: My day 7 is going good - but I'm shoring in my resources for the weekend .... cuz .... it's the weekend!!!! Since I started on a Saturday and didn't drink over a holiday .... I'm feeling a bit better about it ...... but don't want to get over confident!!

You WILL show your HUBS you can do it! I'll be here cheering you on in my corner of the world!! I think it's good you have a few weeks before your Birthday. I think we have to be so in tune this early on with that voice in our head that is "making a plan" to drink. If that's what you want - and you can make it work .... awesome for you!! I K~N~O~W I can't. I've passed the point of ever moderating. With in a few days - I'd be drinking earlier and earlier in the day ...... waking up in the middle of the night in sheer panic. But I'll be here with you and for you no matter what!!!

Off to the store. (I've been eating a lot this week! LOL Stocking up for the weekend!!!!)

[Choices]

Hi Mad,

Congrats on day 5, day 3 here. I still have a bit of the achy feeling and sour tummy. Really looking forward when that passes. I like the idea of the snap band. Might try that myself. Is it just a rubber band? I can see where that would come in handy. I think your goal to your Birthday sounds brilliant. My 2 week goal seams so manageable and it makes it all seam less daunting for sure. I hope you enjoyed your face cream. I am thinking of doing a foot detox I saw on pintrest. I love pampering!

[madonmehndi]

Hi Mad!

It's so awesome to be on Day 5!! WaY 2 gO!!!! :sohappy: My day 7 is going good - but I'm shoring in my resources for the weekend .... cuz .... it's the weekend!!!! Since I started on a Saturday and didn't drink over a holiday .... I'm feeling a bit better about it ...... but don't want to get over confident!!

You WILL show your HUBS you can do it! I'll be here cheering you on in my corner of the world!! I think it's good you have a few weeks before your Birthday. I think we have to be so in tune this early on with that voice in our head that is "making a plan" to drink. If that's what you want - and you can make it work .... awesome for you!! I K~N~O~W I can't. I've passed the point of ever moderating. With in a few days - I'd be drinking earlier and earlier in the day ...... waking up in the middle of the night in sheer panic. But I'll be here with you and for you no matter what!!!

Off to the store. (I've been eating a lot this week! LOL Stocking up for the weekend!!!!)

Where in the world are you 20/20? I am in the UK, North England, it is raining here as usual! Thank you for all your positive comments, I really feel like I have great support on here and I know that will help me stay on track!

[madonmehndi]

Hi Mad,

Congrats on day 5, day 3 here. I still have a bit of the achy feeling and sour tummy. Really looking forward when that passes. I like the idea of the snap band. Might try that myself. Is it just a rubber band? I can see where that would come in handy. I think your goal to your Birthday sounds brilliant. My 2 week goal seams so manageable and it makes it all seam less daunting for sure. I hope you enjoyed your face cream. I am thinking of doing a foot detox I saw on pintrest. I love pampering!

Hi and thanks for the message, yes the snap band is just an elastic/rubber band, I haven't had to use it much this week tbh but thinking it will help as time goes on and the memory of my last bad session fades and the cravings really begin!! What is a foot detox? I gave myself a pedicure last night when I would have normally been swigging wine so I have lovely slate blue toenails now (shame its raining so I will have to wear shoes instead of sandals!!)

[madonmehndi]

Day 6 dawned early chez moi thanks to my 6 year old who likes to wake up at the butt crack of dawn, it is currently 8.24 am and I have now been awake for two hours - yawn! I didn't struggle too much yesterday, only had a couple of thoughts of AL - mainly wondering how boring my weekend would be without it (??) is that really all I can think of to do? anyway, I made it AL free and I am so thankful for that this morning (esp with the early wake up!) Today my hubby and I are taking our son to the cinema to see Secret Life of Pets, that in itself is fine, although bizarrely they do now sell AL at our cinema I never have it, usually a coffee or an ice blast! the difficult part is going to be that we are going out to eat afterwards - Pizza Express and that would usually be the start of my Saturday drinking, I normally have at least two large glasses of wine sometimes 3 and then a baileys or something whilst they have pudding (i don't really eat sweet things -enough sugar in the AL??) so I suggested to my hubby that we didn't go out afterwards and he pointed out that wasn't fair as he is a sweet-aholic and they are something he would have to avoid at the cinema (fair or not? I felt really annoyed since I am the one trying to quit a serious addiction - I dunno, maybe just my argumentative AL self coming out?) anyway the upshot is I have agreed to go so I am going to have to summon all my willpower and order a sparkling water - can't say as I am really looking forward to it but hey ho there it is!!

Hope everyone is having a good day and staying strong xx

[20/20]

Happy Saturday Mad!!! THANK YOU!! Day 8!!!!! Thankful to have the first week behind. I would say - it wasn't as bad as I was expecting - but I don't want to go through it again. Ever. Shaky and sick feeling those first days. Headache and general weird feeling. But I feel like that is GONE!! Now it's time to be ON GUARD. About the time I get feeling better ... I get amnesia as to why I quit. So I'm going to be watchful and try to tune into where my thoughts lead me.

My Hubs is a Sweet-aholic too!! Your hubs sounds so much like mine ... love them, but they really DON'T get what it's like to NOT DRINK ALCOHOL!! They just don't. I often wonder if I were a "last stage" Alkie - like almost on my death bed - if he would decide that we can't have AL in our house. Umph. We're just going to have to be stronger than them! LOL

I'm in the Central USA. God's country as some call it! It's beautiful - rivers, mountains with-in driving distance, and the most beautiful untouched plains in the world! I didn't grow up here so I can brag. I've lived here for a long time however. It's summer here. Going to be HOT. But I'll take it, because our Winters are LONG.

I love kids movies. My kids are now in their 20's - and I have a Grand-daughter .... a wee one!! I love it. I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY SELL AL AT THE CINEMA!!!!! (yep ... was shouting) That is C~R~A C~R~A!!!!!!!!!!!!! :cuss: Everyone in the world is going to end up with a drinking problem. It's insane. Anyway ... if it were me at the movies ..... A HUGE bucket of popcorn, and a LARGE Coke. That is the best thing ever! Now you've given me an idea. I may go to the Movie tonight while the hubs is gone. I wonder if there is a Chick Flick playing. My hubs doesn't like to go to those!!

I'm now heading outside to work in my garden before it gets over 90 degrees. It's going to be a good day!! Hope you're creating some fun memories AL free today ....... in spit of all things!!! :hug:

[Choices]

Hi ladies,

Is it wrong for me to be happy we are so close in our timing? It's just really helpful to be recovering with some people at the same time. Alcohol is sold in our cinemas too. I didn't really get in the habit of getting it.. but have a few times.. so I can see how that would have become a thing for me too. My husband is as supportive as he can be until he wants something different... haha.. So, I'm just going to have to take my choice to quit as totally up to me and all the I wish he woulds are just part of my own craving and triggering. As long as he is not saying, "come on, have a drink with me!" "Why won't you drink?!" I figure my husband is being supportive. And he has never ever said these things... But I have blamed him many times for my own desire to drink. And I've been mad at him when I was actually mad at myself.

It does help when they are on board though! For sure. Some of it, I think is, actually backing out or cancelling if you need to.. even if it is a family event.. to have "me time". Or going to the bathroom more to gather my thoughts.. washing my hands... carrying good smelling lotion in my handbag.. to sooth my hands.. breathing. anything.

I've poured out beer I've found in the fridge,,, when I just felt too shaky.. and offered to pay for it.. Which he didn't take me up on.. but he just didn't keep beer in the fridge anymore... We've had our fair share of what I think he should do about my problem.. So I'm thinking I'll approach it different this time and leave him out of it.

I also want him to stop leaving wet towels around the house! And seriously wipe crumbs from the counter.. How hard is it?! Not the same, not the same I know for sure! But they are things I just can't change because I don't have control over what he is going to do. I have to say, dinner at times, can get very annoying and boring without AL but I try to take my mind to other places.. Like my own list of things to do the next day... looking forward to when they go to school or work.. what I'll do first... In saying all of this, I don't have it figured out at all what to do with my hubby and my goal either.

[Choices]

Oh.. mad... the foot thing.. I'll have to re-read it and post about it.. it looked good. And, I need a pedi desperately.. my toes are half hot pink done by my lovely 3.5 year old... who also wakes at the butt crack... lol

[20/20]

Hey Ladies!!! I'm just posting a quick hello, before I drop from an long, wonderful and exhausting day!! I worked outside ALL day (and ran to the Green House a few miles away .... ALL day! I planted plants, watered, fertilized, etc. etc. I am so tired! And it's LATE! I didn't even eat dinner until 10 ... now it's well after midnight! My point for the ramble is THIS IS NOT LIKE ME! I would have stopped working late afternoon, started drinking and fallen into bed by 10 because of the AL. I can't believe how different this is! Strange and wonderful!

Choices - I am excited that all 3 of us are on the same (essentially) timing!! It's soooooo helpful to compare notes, cheer each other on and be here for each other. It is just awesome!!

Mad - will be waiting to hear how today went for you!!

[madonmehndi]

Choices, 20/20 thank you for being here for me, I too am glad we are all around the same stage in our quitting it is good to know that we can share our experiences good or bad !

I had a bad day yesterday, just not feeling well in general and felt really depressed, was in a rubbish mood all day and didn't really enjoy the cinema or our dinner out (partly because I didn't like where we sat in the restaurant or the place itself and the food wasn't that great!) My hubby asked if it was because I wasn't having a drink and I said it wasn't but actually it really was, I so wanted a glass of wine but ordered an elderflower presse instead, all the way home I was thinking how we would have usually called at a shop for wine! My hubby told me he was proud of me and I couldn't just say thanks I had to say 'oh you don't have to say that' which caused a row as he said he couldn't do right for doing wrong! When I got home I didn't know what to do instead of pouring a glass so I just sat on the sofa and stared into space for half an hour feeling sorry for myself = I know I was being ridiculous and behaving like a spoilt child who hadn't got their own way but I couldn't help it!!! I spent the evening downloading giving up AL books from Amazon and then read a bit from a couple before heading to bed just after 10 feeling miserable!!!

Ok rant over!! today I woke up feeling much better and we went on a lovely family walk in the countryside for an hour this morning, have just eaten a lovely tapas style lunch with homemeade flat breads, hummus, tzatziki, olives and cold meats and a glass of my homemade elderflower cordial - yum!

I am trying to spend today reminding myself why I started this quit and of all the times I have regretted drinking too much or just wished that I could stop and being grateful for the 6 days I have under my belt already! Just a few more hours and I will have reached my one week milestone which is a very big achievement for me!!

Possibly should admit to the extent of my addiction about now - I usually drink 1- 1.5 bottles of white wine at least 5 times a week, have the odd day off and sometimes drink more than that!!!

[Choices]

Hi Mad,

I read your post and got pulled away by my little miss before I could respond but I couldn't stop thinking about it. Very well done just sitting literally sitting with that terrible feeling. I have been there and it is not easy. It sucks. But you did it. I often underestimate that strength in myself but reading it made me recognize how tough it is. Making it to one week it huge too. From my quitting before, the first week is the toughest. Especially after the amount you said you'd been consuming.. Only because it was a habit and your body is accustomed to it.. I'm about the same with my consumption to a T. But I'd just recently quit for a wee while so this week doesn't feel as tough for some reason... When I started again, I was about a bottle a week... Down in one evening. Slowly at first...over the evening. But gaining speed, maybe down in 3 hours? This was for a good month.., then just recently my last week of drinking was a bottle a day skipping a day (maybe) which was getting harder....But gaining.. Adding a beer or so, if it was there. My last drunk was two bottles of wine and six beers..... Yuck. I'm embarrassed to admit that! And I was so sick.. On day 5 here. Feeling less bloated finally! I still think I'm recovering.

[20/20]

So Proud of you

Mad - What a break through. I'm so hugging you right now. :hug: Like Choices said - it is the hardest thing to do ...... Just sit in your misery .... but it is the most cathartic thing to do. The step "before you just sat down" is when we all RUN to the bottle to numb any "feeling" we are having. It is possible that you were just "feeling" for the first time in a long time. When we pour alcohol into our bodies on a daily basis - we put all true feelings on hold. Read my signature line .......... That's exactly what was happening to you! The feelings will start coming out of us ... pent up feelings. The trigger was the pity party (which goes hand in hand with quitting drinking) - and instead of pulling out a "bottle" --- You let the feeling do what they needed to do ...... just slowly evaporate! SO PROUD OF YOU!! The next time that happens to me ........ I'm going to sit and do nothing but stare. I honestly am!

Amazing how this morning the "aftermath" was a beautiful morning. Ahhhhhh .... such great growing lessons!! Hope the rest of your day was wonderful.

[madonmehndi]

Thanks both of you Day 8 today and I woke up feeling full of optimism and strength of will, I am so determined to reach my goal, I feel like this time is different from my other quits, I am more aware of the depth of my addiction now, I never thought it would be this hard to quit for a week, it really hit me hard last week and I appreciate now how AL has been affecting me!

Just off to pick DH up from Karate now, will check back in later