I'm slowly approaching one year sobriety. It's so crazy to type that out. ONE whole year. The longest I've gone was nearly 8 months. And when they say that you go back harder then ever they weren't joking. I remember the day I went back drinking as if it were only yesterday. It didn't start off that bad. I could have a beer or two and be fine. I would pat myself on the back and tell myself what a good job I was doing. How ridiculous. Slowly it went back to the way it was. Actually that's a lie. It wasn't slow. After a week or two it went back to the way it had been and more. I hid it a lot more. I drank morning, noon and night. I drank as much as I could. I was hungover more often then not and my anxiety was at an all time high. I gained a lot of weight and I was so depressed that there were days where I felt like it wasn't even worth it anymore but I never had the guts to do anything. I was so lost. And trapped.
At the same time. I woke up every morning telling myself that today would be a new day....only to be going back to the liqour store as soon as work was out to buy more and get unimaginably drunk to forget the pain that I thought I was in.
It really was the alcohol that perpetuated it all. I mean, there are still things I need to work on. Many things that I have worked on...that I couldn't have done with alcohol in my life.
What was my turning point? I didn't necessarily hit rock bottom - text book rock bottom, if you will. But everyone was getting sick of me. My friends left me. My boyfriend was on the verge of leaving me. My parents were disappointed. I had accomplished nothing in life at that time. I wasn't even living. I was wasting my own time. Wasting other people's time. Wasting societies time.
I was a complete shell of a person. That's what addiction does though....robs you of pretty much everything.
Was it hard ?? Hell yes it was hard.
But it was and is so damn worth it. It really is worth it. I couldn't be more happy or more proud of myself to get to this point. To grow from my past experiences instead of allowing it to get me down and give me an excuse to continue drinking.
To all the people that thought I couldn't do it? I only have one thing to say to you....take care of yourselves. Don't worry so much about other people's journeys. We will all get there in and on our own time. It's our own life after all, but if I could leave everyone with one piece of advice with regards to that?
Sobriety really is the only way to get happy.
I know how freakin HARD it is. I know how you all know and feel like sometimes it's just impossible. But it isn't. It's definitely doable.
There will be a helluva lot of blood, sweat and floods of tears. But I wouldn't take that back. I do not regret getting sober. I never will.
Two more weeks for me.
Bri
At the same time. I woke up every morning telling myself that today would be a new day....only to be going back to the liqour store as soon as work was out to buy more and get unimaginably drunk to forget the pain that I thought I was in.
It really was the alcohol that perpetuated it all. I mean, there are still things I need to work on. Many things that I have worked on...that I couldn't have done with alcohol in my life.
What was my turning point? I didn't necessarily hit rock bottom - text book rock bottom, if you will. But everyone was getting sick of me. My friends left me. My boyfriend was on the verge of leaving me. My parents were disappointed. I had accomplished nothing in life at that time. I wasn't even living. I was wasting my own time. Wasting other people's time. Wasting societies time.
I was a complete shell of a person. That's what addiction does though....robs you of pretty much everything.
Was it hard ?? Hell yes it was hard.
But it was and is so damn worth it. It really is worth it. I couldn't be more happy or more proud of myself to get to this point. To grow from my past experiences instead of allowing it to get me down and give me an excuse to continue drinking.
To all the people that thought I couldn't do it? I only have one thing to say to you....take care of yourselves. Don't worry so much about other people's journeys. We will all get there in and on our own time. It's our own life after all, but if I could leave everyone with one piece of advice with regards to that?
Sobriety really is the only way to get happy.
I know how freakin HARD it is. I know how you all know and feel like sometimes it's just impossible. But it isn't. It's definitely doable.
There will be a helluva lot of blood, sweat and floods of tears. But I wouldn't take that back. I do not regret getting sober. I never will.
Two more weeks for me.
Bri
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