Screwed up royally

[Panda]

I screwed up pretty bad. Had a Dr n therapist appt today. I got so anxious bc my therapist told me the psych Dr thinks my depression n anxiety aren't an issue n I should just see the primary care Dr (they're all in the same office) yes, I'm in pain from my accident, but I've also been on psych meds for YEARS. I can't just stop taking them. Tried and was breaking out in hives, flipping out on people n not able to get coherent thoughts out in a timely fashion. Both the psych n med Dr have all prescribed the same meds for 2yrs. My therapist spoke to the med Dr and he said he probably won't prescribe all the psych meds. And I need them all. I found enough to last me for last week, but I can't handle being out of them(was calm n rational). That's why I was able to taper down last week. Now I'm freaking out n started drinking wine. I suck. Rescheduled appt for Thursday n hope I can get through to the drs, and my therapist can get through to them. Now I'm going to have to see if I have any more anti-anxiety stuff left. I can't deal with this crap. Sorry about all this......

[NoraC]

Panda - first thing I like to try for anxiety is to stop & breathe.

Stop - take a breath........

breathe.........

breathe.............

Calming breaths...........

I am so very sorry for what you are going thru. I don't know where you live. But, are the doctors aware that you are out of med? You should never go cold turkey. Hang in there. I do hope that you can talk to your Doctors and get them on the same page. Take care.

[Inthesky]

Panda,
Do as Nora says. Breathe! You need to keep your head on and drinking wine won't help I can promise you that. Your here for help right? The Dr.s will sort this out you still have a weeks worth of meds so just breathe and try not to overthink this. The anxiety your feeling is normal, so dump the wine and Breathe. Your stronger than you think! What is your favourite thing to do? One of my relaxing methods is just having a bath with Epson salts, the hotter the better that way when I get out all I want is a big glass of water.
Also, think of this as a learning moment you have found one of your triggers now it's just to figure out how to handle this trigger in a positive way. Please use the toolbox and read, read and read some more. Knowledge is power!
You got this I believe in you!
Sky

[Panda]

Thank you, Nora. Yes they all know in out of med. May as well let it out. Been more on than off since an accident in8pm '95. On celexa, klonopin and trazodone for at least 15+yrs. Had several surgeries (2 tmj, shoulder and more recently hip from all the steroids they shot me up with, n of course it's defective and no one can seem to find the serial # for implants) convenient, huh? I've just been dealing with the hip w ibuprofen,but hurts all the time n radiates to my back and all down my rt leg. But the anxiety is making me clench so bad the muscles look like I have a ping pong ball sticking out of my head above my jaw joints. My therapist said she's concerned that my jaw could lock up. Had a refill on celexa, but not the others. Got a few last week, and if I can't get refills I'm gonna lose it. And believe me, I know there can be serious withdrawals. God, I just don't know what to do there's no reason they shouldn't fill them - never abused them - if anything I've taken less than prescribed. I have relaxation cds and they work for a bit until my mind goes into overdrive. I really don't want to tell them I've been drinking - open up a can of worms. I just NEED to be back on them badly. I want to kick this drinking soooo bad. Even been praying, if you can believe that! Thank you so much for caring. Means very much. And I'm happy you are doing so well. Hopefully one day I can be proud of staying get sober for a long timr....

[paulywogg]

They can't just cut you off of those meds,benzo withdrawal can be deadly, you need to talk to someone else in charge and I wouldn't say anything about the drinking, they might be more hesitant to refill to an active addict,please don't drink anymore though it's only gonna make the anxiety spin more out of control

[Panda]

Thanks Sky. Nothing more to dump out , I'm afraid, but since I've been tapering I can't believe how a few glasses made me feel drunk . Guess that puts it into perspective how much I used to put away. Not even funny. I've been listening to hypnotic cds I got from someone who was a member several years ago. At least im Starting now. Also got the attacking anxiety and depression program. But I have to start somewhere, and I'm so glad I looked up MYO. You and everyone else else have been so supportive. I need to get back on track, and I am determined to do so, so thats what I'm working for. No more backtracks! Thanks again, and I hope you did well on your certification!

[abcowboy]

Katie, I don't have a lot of knowledge on anxiety or AD meds, but after Googling them, drinking while taking them is definitely not a good idea! Maybe your Dr's suspect your level of drinking? In any case, I think it would be wise to talk to them about your drinking so that they can prescribe a treatment program suitable for you. Hang in there, you can get through this!

[Panda]

Hi Pauly. Hope ur doing well. Believe me, I know what quitting benzos can do, as well as alcohol cold turkey. The only 2 things That can be deadly. That's why I'm tapering off AL even though I had a little setback. I'm going to give to the Dr in the am and demand they look at my chart which will show they've been prescribing me for over 2 yrs. And that's negligence if they won't give me another rx they'll clearly see I don't abuse them. As amatter if fact I'm gonna go to Walmart on the way there and get a printout of everything they filled which includes the Dr names. The only thing I'm scared of, is its a faith based clinic where the drs donate there time so I hope there aren't any loopholes......but their hippocratic oath should still apply, right. My jaw is clenching so bad right now....sucks. I'm trying to put off taking a piece of Xanax but I think it's high time, n I keep thinking 'what about tomorrow" guess I've gotta take it cause I feel my face going numb...next will be my hands n so on....

TY so much for being a sounding board. I feel so selfish and I want to be supportive too. And I was tapering off very well until I found out I couldn't see Dr today. Guess we'll see what happens tomorrow. I'll let u know. Sorry about all the abbreviations and f'd up grammar. Only have my cell at the moment so I'm one handing it. Have a great night n thank you again for the great advice. I need MYO to help me - I want to LIVE again. Katie (panda)

[Beanie]

Sorry panda that you are in pain and anguish. I strongly echo Cowboy's sentiments. I'd encourage complete and total honesty with Drs. I'm worried about the drug combos. I have a history of panick attacks...they started in college which is when I started drinking and it's been a vicious cycle ever since...you know how it goes...anxiety makes drinking worse, drinking makes anxiety worse....such crap! Of course, the catch is that to break the cycle, you've got to go through hell before you crawl out the other side and that is a big ask when you feel so down and crappy and anxious and vulnerable. Log on tomorrow and keep us informed. Cuddle up to a hypnosis tape (even if it only gives you a few minutes peace). And yes...breathe....I'm pulling for you...
B-

[paulywogg]

Beanie and Cowboy do bring up a point Panda,those drugs are not to be used in conjunction with alcohol, I wasn't thinking you were actively still drinking, I thought it was a relapse that just happened recently, however being that you've been taking them for years it's still not right for them to cut you off cold turkey, is there anyway to work out a taper schedule with the doctor? I apologize for my quick assumption earlier, just please be careful and talk to your doctor tomorrow, you're in my thoughts

[abcowboy]

Just checking in on you Katie, how are you making out today? Did you get in to see your Dr?

[paulywogg]

How's everything going today? Give a quick hello if you can

[Eloise]

Hey Panda... wondering how you are doing? Everything okay? Lots of folks looking for you and hoping to hear from you.

:hiya:

[Beanie]

Me too sweat girl..how are you? Please weigh in...tons of friends eager to assist!
Love-
B

[Panda]

Hi B, I'm OK. Just had a few horrible stressed out day since off my meds. When I was freaking out there was only one thing I could think of to quell my panic attacks. I didn't go over bored, but I just couldn't handle my jaw clenching, face n hands going numb n not being able to hold a conversation. That's pretty much why I stayed away for a few. But went to Dr Thurs n just picked up my meds today so I'm on my way back. So gonna taper again for the next few days, listen to relax n hypnotic cds (which I've been doing), and start occupying my time in a positive way. My mind is such a horrible place to be when my thoughts start racing. Ya know....what if this or that happens....if I'm dying. It really sucks ass. Also going to talk to my therapist on Monday, n she's really great.so how are u doing? I don't mean to sound selfish, cause it's not all about me. It's everyone who needs support and friends to help us get control our lives. I'm here for you too, n even though I sound like a basket case I can offer good advice...too bad I don't take my own lol. Talk soon, k? Want to know how u r. Katie