Evening everyone,
Today has been awful for me, it has been killingly hot here in London and our homes don't have air con, so that alone is really hard. I have really done well these last few weeks, I have made up my mind that I will never drink again and I have stuck to it. (Thirty days, exactly one month sober today).
During the last few weeks I have sorted out very worrying financial and legal things (very complicated and time consuming) to do with my wonderful but elderly and frail dad.) This is still ongoing, huge decisions have to be made, but I am taking it a day at a time and seeing how his health and emotional well being progress. I love him more than I can express and all this is difficult for me especially when he is in mental or physical pain.
During the last couple of years I have come through cancer, had three lots of surgery, chemo, radiotherapy etc, while I was going through chemo my mother died, that was very hard, I miss her so much.
Today I realised that one of the drugs I am on (to block oestrogen from my body and stop cancer coming back) is causing very distressing and irreversible side effects, so now I have another major decision ahead...... to continue or stop taking it, this is hell. Even if I stop taking it the side effects will almost definitely be there for life and get worse. I have already lost my lovely long hair once through chemo, it grew back very healthily but now it is falling out again, because of these drugs. The only treatment for this type of hair loss, where hair starts falling at the front and gradually falls out everywhere, is expensive lotion that you have to massage in twice a day forever, otherwise you lose all your hair. Have researched extensively on this so I know what I am talking about. Utterly depressed .... I don't mind having one breast, I coped with losing all my hair the first time, but now less than two years later it is all going to go forever, this is too much. (Crying)
I am on holiday at the moment, today I was going to re paint my garden furniture and a little brick wall outside. I have done nothing, achieved zilch!!! I have made an appointment for a consultation about hair loss in London (it is free so why not!!) I have put the bins out, been for a medical appointment and eaten a bit, that is all I have done. (Also had a conversation with neighbour, she was kind.)
Before anyone suggests wigs, I have nine!! I kept them from when I had no hair with chemo, they are lovely but too hot for this weather.
Utterly fed up and feel this is one thing too much for me. I don't feel I can cope. The oncologists never tell you that you can lose your hair forever on these drugs.
Anyway I am not going to drink, that would not solve a thing. I am going to have a bubble bath, watch some TV, eat and drink lots of water, sorry to be so self indulgent, and moan so much, I will pray for a miracle,
DD
Today has been awful for me, it has been killingly hot here in London and our homes don't have air con, so that alone is really hard. I have really done well these last few weeks, I have made up my mind that I will never drink again and I have stuck to it. (Thirty days, exactly one month sober today).
During the last few weeks I have sorted out very worrying financial and legal things (very complicated and time consuming) to do with my wonderful but elderly and frail dad.) This is still ongoing, huge decisions have to be made, but I am taking it a day at a time and seeing how his health and emotional well being progress. I love him more than I can express and all this is difficult for me especially when he is in mental or physical pain.
During the last couple of years I have come through cancer, had three lots of surgery, chemo, radiotherapy etc, while I was going through chemo my mother died, that was very hard, I miss her so much.
Today I realised that one of the drugs I am on (to block oestrogen from my body and stop cancer coming back) is causing very distressing and irreversible side effects, so now I have another major decision ahead...... to continue or stop taking it, this is hell. Even if I stop taking it the side effects will almost definitely be there for life and get worse. I have already lost my lovely long hair once through chemo, it grew back very healthily but now it is falling out again, because of these drugs. The only treatment for this type of hair loss, where hair starts falling at the front and gradually falls out everywhere, is expensive lotion that you have to massage in twice a day forever, otherwise you lose all your hair. Have researched extensively on this so I know what I am talking about. Utterly depressed .... I don't mind having one breast, I coped with losing all my hair the first time, but now less than two years later it is all going to go forever, this is too much. (Crying)
I am on holiday at the moment, today I was going to re paint my garden furniture and a little brick wall outside. I have done nothing, achieved zilch!!! I have made an appointment for a consultation about hair loss in London (it is free so why not!!) I have put the bins out, been for a medical appointment and eaten a bit, that is all I have done. (Also had a conversation with neighbour, she was kind.)
Before anyone suggests wigs, I have nine!! I kept them from when I had no hair with chemo, they are lovely but too hot for this weather.
Utterly fed up and feel this is one thing too much for me. I don't feel I can cope. The oncologists never tell you that you can lose your hair forever on these drugs.
Anyway I am not going to drink, that would not solve a thing. I am going to have a bubble bath, watch some TV, eat and drink lots of water, sorry to be so self indulgent, and moan so much, I will pray for a miracle,
DD
Welcome back and well done on your month.
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