50 - and need a new start

[Kokai]

Hi everyone - I'm new here and would love to have some help and support quitting alcohol.

I have been a heavy drinker for years - just white wine - but by the bucket load. I turned 50 last month and just saying that makes me feel old. But looking in the mirror every morning with puffy eyes from downing two bottles a night makes me realise that time is running out for me if I don't stop this stupid habit now.

It's funny - I seem to have a sort of romance with that glass of ice cold white. I'm never tempted to have a beer or a vodka or even a glass of red, but just thinking about that white makes my mouth water. I think of countryside walks and sitting outside a pub with that glass, eating a meal out with that glass, eating at home in the eve - with that glass. I've almost put it on a pedestal and it has become such a priority that it's hard to imagine life without it.

The last week I have woken every morning in the early hours, sweating, feeling sick, pains in my side and I keep thinking, why the hell am I doing this to myself. Is it really worth it? My husband hardly drinks and hates me drinking too much - I know I still stink of alcohol even when I wake up. It must be disgusting for him.

Anyway - here in the UK they keep advertising Dry September for Cancer research. I'm really tempted to sign up - but don't have much faith in myself and am frightened I won't be able to do it and will make a fool of myself. I work abroad quite a lot with a team of boozy colleagues and will be working in Germany mid-September for a week. I don't know if my will power will be that strong. However, I am going to try quitting TODAY. If I can make it to 1st September, then I will sign up.

Sorry for a long post - hope I can get the encouragement I need to DO THIS!! :happy2:

[paulywogg]

Hi Kokai,take the plunge and sign up! What have you got to lose besides the early morning sweats and pains you don't want anyways,believe in yourself you can do this and welcome

[abcowboy]

Hi Kokai, can't add much more to what Pauly said, she's right, just do it. One day at a time is how we all do it...

[Samstone]

Kokai
good for you to want to stop the madness. If your body is telling you stop, there's a good reason. Our bodies tell us things our minds don't want to hear. The romantic voice you hear is nothing more than that voice that wants to be buzzed and will tell you anything you want to hear in order to get a buzz. But if the body is saying "hey wait a doggone minute" it's damn good time to step back and take a hard look in the mirror. You have nothing to lose but the guilt and shame and the expense of the buzz.

Suggest you head over to the newbie nest forum where there are folks helping each other day in and day out to achieve their freedom, because freedom it is once you see how much time is wasted on being wasted. It's a wonderful feeling not to have to worry about whether drinking too much, saying the wrong thing (or wondering the next morning "what did I say/do?), waking up feeling like crap!!!

It is a lifestyle change and one that is worth having!
best to you
Sam

[Byrdlady]

Links to the Newbie's Nest and the Tool Box are in my signature line below. Both are how I got sober. A couple things struck me about your post....'just white wine'. Funny thing that. The beautiful beverage you are describing is but a carrier for the actual problem. Alcohol. I drank vodka (because it was more economical, easier to hide and I thought it was odorless). However, I was debunked by my hubs who could smell it a mile away. So I promised him I would quit vodka and move over to wine, after all....I didn't have a problem with that.....until I did. I was chasing the buzz....so there at the end it didn't matter what the carrier was, I needed the buzz. You've never been sick til you hurl peppermint schnapps! UGG! Samstone is 100% right, the romance you are imagining is the AL Voice talking. Trust me, there is nothing romantic about a 50 year old (as I was) in my closet gulping vodka/wine from a hidden bottle. In your mind, substitute 'FLAKY PASTRY' for wine in the sentences above.....does that make any more sense? Is it REALLY the WINE that makes the countryside walk or the meal or is it the people and surroundings? We all know the answer. So you've made a really big first step in recognizing that you place too much importance on it. Plus, you joined us here! If you want to be AL Free we can sure help! We can give you the tools and skills you need to make it happen! It has been the best decision I ever made! I'm 2044 AF days today and I couldn't be happier! We are so glad you're here! Byrdie

[Eloise]

Welcome Kokai.
There is some sound advice from Sam & Brydie, both whom played a significant role in my sobriety! I have said it before and will again, mucho thanks to both of them.

Only way to get these sober days rolling is to just start. Don't worry about September now, you will deal with it when it is here. Worry about today, I think that is already enough to handle.

[lifechange]

Welcome!!!:welcome:

[frances]

Welcome Kokai! Your 2nd and 3rd paragraphs describe perfectly the myth and the reality of AL. Feeling like crap daily, feeling like you NEED that wine, feeling like you are not normal until you've had it...all that is the trap of AL and it just keeps getting worse and worse, never better.

I'm 50 too and seeing a 50 year old buzzed/drunk lady is really not at all romantic or appealing to anyone!

I'm glad you're here! Take it one day at a time - I really think that is key. Even one hour or one minute at a time - whatever is needed. Once you get past that voice telling you you want a drink (an you will hear that voice) it will be better! It won't all be easy, and some benefits take time, but you'll feel so much better, you'll be surprised at how clear you are and feel and look! And a bonus that your husband will be happier too! I'm pulling for you!

[Pavati]

Hi, Kokai:

I have the same reaction as Frances - I see myself there. I read through my journals for the months before I quit, and they sound a lot like your post. So much fear. So much feeling like crap. It was SO FREEING to get rid of the beast once and for all. I credit my joining here as well as seeking some one-on-one counseling and telling my husband everything. Three levels of accountability - I could lie to myself, but I couldn't lie to them.

Hope you join us in the Nest.

Pav

[starty]

Hi Kokai, I too am in my 50s and also have signed up for Dry September (started on the 3rd actually ) and beyond. I too am fed up with feeling below par, overweight and quite frankly OLD! I too work with boozy colleagues and I know how hard it is. But still, anything is better than this right?

Give it a lash and then you can go on to Stoptober Good luck and let us know how you get on

[lex]

Well Starty you don't look overweight in your picture!

[starty]

Well Starty you don't look overweight in your picture!

Thank you Lex. I must say that picture was taken some years ago

[lex]

Before you stopped the heavy partying I'm guessing?

(Well who says we can't have some fun around here!)

[starty]

Before you stopped the heavy partying I'm guessing?

(Well who says we can't have some fun around here!)

Of course lex. No way would I wander round in my undies these days

[Eloise]

Silly! Made me laugh, thanks!