It's time for me to quit for good

[ThirdTimesACharm]

I'm a 45 year-old male and I have slowly been drinking more and more each night. I remember in my 20's when I would buy a 6-pack of beer and it would last me all week. I laugh when I think of that now, because 6 beers would be gone within literally 10 minutes. Over a few hours, I either drink a whole 750ml bottle of vodka, 3-4 bottles of wine or 20+ cans of beer (or some ungodly combination thereof). Vodka has been my most recent poison just because a whole week of vodka bottles fit in a garbage bag, whereas 240 cans don't (I've tried it). I have been doing that every single night for the last 10+ years. I'm amazed I haven't killed myself yet.

This will be my third time trying to quit for good. Two other times I quit for anywhere from 3 months to 2 years. But slipped back into the habit for no real reason.

So anyway, I had my last drink on Friday night October 7. This is my third full day sober. No major physical symptoms. Today was pretty tough for me. At around 5pm I felt sure I was going to go buy a bottle of vodka and start my sobriety all over again tomorrow. Instead, I went for a 1 hour drive, got a huge coffee and talked myself out of it. Pretty proud of myself for that! I'm aware of my major triggers, and I know some coping mechanisms that often work, but it is still hard to not give in.

[paulywogg]

Welcome aboard Thirdtime,lots of information and support here,it's great that you didn't have much withdrawal symptoms, those are the worst! Hope you stick around and congrats on your 3 days

[starty]

Hi Thirdtime. A big welcome to you. Well done for getting over the first major hurdle of 3 days! Like Pauly says, there is lots of information and support threads that you can jump in. I find it really helps to track my days and talk about how I am doing along with getting feedback from others who have trodden this path. Good luck !

[available]

Hi Third and welcome. MWO has saved my life for nearly 3 years now and i put it down to logging on here twice a day, morning and night and being accountable to the ones that helped get and keep me sober. I find being accountable is major to us alkies. Its not easy as you know but you sound determined and that is such a good thing.

Your logic and reasoning of drinking vodka and not beer made me chuckle. We will justify anything really to drink.

Head over to the newbies nest there is always someone around for advice and help as we are all in different time zones.

Take care and you can do this.

[Beth641]

just strong your decision power. nothing else can save you .. all the best

[ThirdTimesACharm]

Thank you everyone.

Woke up today feeling really great!! I didn't think I ever really got hangovers because I never once had a headache in the morning (at least not since my mid twenties). But today, the lack of any kind of pain, grogginess or puffiness makes me realize I've been hungover every morning for the last 15+ years. Redness in my face is markedly less too. Hopefully I will have normal skin again soon!

I've decided to take the week off work so that I can give this my absolute best shot. I know from past experience that after a week the cravings subside and it gets a lot easier.

Thanks again. Going to read some more of this awesome website.

[aihfl]

Intentions are great, but what are you actually going to do to stay sober besides just "not drink?"

[SKendall]

Welcome Third Times. It would appear that you haven't suffered serious withdrawal so that's a plus.

aihfl makes a good point, you need a plan because coming off alcohol presents many emotional ups and downs and a plan will help you. Please read the tool box and if you're in the Newbie's Nest, they will help you with that.

Here's looking at a successful recovery for you.

[ThirdTimesACharm]

Intentions are great, but what are you actually going to do to stay sober besides just "not drink?"

I guess that's the million dollar question isn't it!! I'm confident I can get through the next 26.5 days with some avoidance strategies (like going for a long drive, going to the gym to work out for a swim etc.). I don't recall having any cravings at all after 30 days sober in the past and I don't expect to this time.

But there's still temptation, and I'm not sure what constitutes a long-term solution to avoiding it. In the past, I had fallen off the wagon just because I was home alone and bored and just decided to grab some beer, pretzels and watch TV for a few hours - thinking it would just be a one-off. Of course that led to beer the next day, and the next, and..... you probably know how that goes.

The thought of spending the rest of my life constantly "worrying" about this is not appealing to me, so I know I do need to come up with some answers. I have ruled out moderation or controlled drinking as an option. I know that alcohol changes my brain in a way that (insidiously, over time) makes it impossible for me to not revert to daily drinking. It may work for some, but not for me. I could probably tell myself I'm only going to drink Friday nights for the rest of my life. And it might work for a few months, or even a few years... but I know with that constant recent memory of alcohol in my system, I would eventually revert to daily drinking, and based on my past experiences, each time I lapsed would be worse than the last - until I drink so much one night that I poison myself to death. So - not an option.

[frances]

Welcome! Sounds like you're doing well so far, it's the best choice you could make and you've already started to see the benefits. It won't all be easy but it also sounds like you've been through this before. Stay close and stick around even after you think you've got this. It really helps!

[ThirdTimesACharm]

Is it normal to have insatiable hunger around day 5? I don't remember it being this bad the last couple of times I tried to quit. I feel like I am eating my weight in food every day... and things I never normally eat - ice-cream, desserts, candy. I'm just going with it right now, but hoping these cravings will subside soon or I won't be able to fit through my front door by the end of next week.

[Inthesky]

I was just reading your posts and wow seems like you were writing my story. I have really been working on and off with my quit for the past year. But I too have hit the big wall that says you can't keep this up or the consequences will be dire. I am suffering the withdrawals that is only because I had set a date and drank everything in the house so that I wouldn't be temped (that's what I've told myself) it took me 2 days. Definitely not a proud moment. Just cleaning up today and what a good reminder that I don't need to poison myself anymore. Keep on your journey it's alway inspirational to see people succeed.

[Beth641]

I guess that's the million dollar question isn't it!! I'm confident I can get through the next 26.5 days with some avoidance strategies (like going for a long drive, going to the gym to work out for a swim etc.). I don't recall having any cravings at all after 30 days sober in the past and I don't expect to this time.

But there's still temptation, and I'm not sure what constitutes a long-term solution to avoiding it. In the past, I had fallen off the wagon just because I was home alone and bored and just decided to grab some beer, pretzels and watch TV for a few hours - thinking it would just be a one-off. Of course that led to beer the next day, and the next, and..... you probably know how that goes.

The thought of spending the rest of my life constantly "worrying" about this is not appealing to me, so I know I do need to come up with some answers. I have ruled out moderation or controlled drinking as an option. I know that alcohol changes my brain in a way that (insidiously, over time) makes it impossible for me to not revert to daily drinking. It may work for some, but not for me. I could probably tell myself I'm only going to drink Friday nights for the rest of my life. And it might work for a few months, or even a few years... but I know with that constant recent memory of alcohol in my system, I would eventually revert to daily drinking, and based on my past experiences, each time I lapsed would be worse than the last - until I drink so much one night that I poison myself to death. So - not an option.

yes it is.. great