New, confused, unsure and a bit scared of what this first step means.

[dyingtobealive]

Hello all -

I'm not sure how to start, other than saying I'm new and telling you a little bit about myself. I don't have much time at the moment, so I'll try to keep it short.

I found this site awhile ago when I was desperately searching for someone with a story similar to mine. I had become pregnant (found out around 4 weeks) and quickly realized I had been binge drinking much of that 4 weeks. I was terrified out of my mind. After sorting through the usual 'you are a terrible person, you've messed up your baby for life' mommy blogs, I came across some stories on this site. I never posted, but read them and was overwhelmed with the positivity and support I found. Nothing like those mommy blogs. My daughter is now 2 and perfectly healthy, which is amazing. She's absolutely incredible.

So, as things have come crashing down around me in the last year and a half, last night I remembered this site and searched for about a half hour trying to find it. Here I am. With an anonymous username and even new email address because no one in my life knows about this part of me.

I don't know that I'm ready to admit that I have a problem. I don't doubt there is a problem, but like I said, no one knows. And I'm not ready to label myself outwardly or attend meetings or whatever. I've always struggled with some sort of mental health issue - depression, anxiety, cutting, anorexia. Honestly I still have a hard time admitting to those things, so adding this onto it is hard.

Outwardly - to my friends, husband, coworkers, family things are great and I'm the epitome of happiness.

I'd love to open up, but I don't know where to start and what is appropriate. I'm really struggling and I'm feeling a bit lost.

Anyway - hello. My journey begins today.

[Marylou123]

D2BA -- Welcome! You've to to a safe place - here you'll find support, love and help. But no judgement. Nearly three years ago I was searching too - I knew, without question, I had to stop drinking. With the support if others here, and determination and desire, it can be done. Hugs - ML

[madonmehndi]

HI and a very warm welcome Dyingtobealive, you are in the right place and you have taken the first and most important step to recovery which is admitting that you have a problem, the people on this site are non-judgmental, compassionate and so so helpful, read as much as you can and post whatever questions you have and someone will give you any advice you need or want

[narilly]

Hey, if you are reading on this site then you probably aren't a 'normal' drinker. It is great that you are here and looking for support. I drank in the first 4 weeks of my pregnancy and then quit as soon as I knew I was pregnant. I probably drank a bit at the very beginning of my next pregnancy too. I did not drink at all after I found out I was pregnant and my kids are great. 20 and 21 years old now and very nice, intelligent young people.

I tried to quit so many times over the years and tried to moderate. I never could do that. I finally quite at 49 years old and am so glad I did. No more black outs and apologising to people the next day. I am glad you are here. Just keep reading and posting, we are here for you. Try the Newbies Nest, that is a busy thread and you will get lots of advice there.
Hang in there.
xo

[canyouhearme]

Hi to you -2Believe.
Thank you for this thread and your post. You are not only helping yourself by creating this post and thread, you are also helping others. You can and will find the freedom you are seeking if you just keep seeking and trying.

[dyingtobealive]

Thank you all - I appreciate the support. This is just all very new and very scary. I will check out the Newbie's Nest.

[wagmor]

Welcome D2BA - You're in the right place. The Nest is a great place to find lots of support. We understand being new and scared and uncertain about what comes next, and we're here for you. So glad you found this site again. You can have all the anonymity you want or need, and there's no judgment about that. Hugs to you :hug:

Wags (Jami)