Just need some positive thoughts.

[dyingtobealive]

Big fight with my husband, not alcohol related. I snapped and he said some hurtful things.

My two year old has been sick. She's a total daddy's girl but right now I can't even comfort her. If he leaves the room she cries so hard she throws up. If I leave she tells me: "bye" and turns back to playing.

I feel so useless and it's at times like these I would normally head to the liquor cabinet. The desire is very, very strong right now.

4 (thought it was only 3 but I forgot a day) days in to being sober.

[available]

Great work on 4 days sober. If you realise you said some hurtful things to hubs then apologise. When i drank i didnt feel that anyone deserved an apology as it was their fault now not so much . if i am wrong now i take it and own it and apologise. You are still withdrawing so you emotions are all over the place.

Toddlers are toddlers, she loves you have no doubt about that. Go and have a bath and relax, let hubs look after her. Think of you and have some you time. She will find you when she is ready.

Drinking solves nothing at all and when you are sober again everything is 100 times worse.

[madonmehndi]

DTBA sending you ((((hugs)))) hope you made it through without taking a drink but if you did succumb then know that you don't have to have any more!

Having small children is VERY stressful, my son is now 7.5 years old and the challenge of raising him definitely added significantly to my drinking, he is very much a daddys boy now and I struggle with that as my DD (now 23 and from my first marriage) always was too and it can be hurtful to feel that you aren't appreciated but just know that you ARE, I don't know you obviously but if you are upset that tells me that you are a great Mum! the crying thing when he leaves the room is a toddler separation anxiety thing, my son had that with me when he was 3 and started nursery, it killed me dropping him there as he used to scream the place down and cling to me and they had to bodily peel him away from me and I used to leave in tears every day! it does pass though, as does every annoying phase they go through! - is this your first child? the best piece of advice I was ever giving was from one of my oldest friends who has 3 (now grown up) kids, she said that whenever your child is going through a phase, it usually lasts just till you think you can't stand it anymore then its suddenly over - and a new one begins!!! It has proved true for me in most cases!

Hang in there, you CAN do this and be strong without alcohol, I had depended on my safety blanket for over 20 years and it is very difficult to let go of what you know but it can be done, be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up you are doing great xxx

[dyingtobealive]

Thank you all.

I didn't drink! On day 5! I just keep telling myself: "What does one more night of being sober hurt?" And that usually is enough to get me to stop thinking about "forever" and start to rely on healthy coping mechanisms.

Hubby and I talked. All good now. I did apologize.

And yes, this is my first. I struggled immensely with post partum depression, which I have no doubt contributed to my drinking. But part of me feels like since I was so crazy during those first few months, she learned to rely on her dad more than me. Today has been better. She snuggled with me and came to me when she fell down and kept giving me big hugs. I wish I had more patience though.

Tonight will be hard again, we have tomorrow off from work and that used to mean I could drink whatever I pleased since I didn't have to go in. These last few days have been eye opening but I think I'm feeling the effects a little more than I anticipated. I'm exhausted by the end of the day and irritable.

On the plus side, I have literally everything done I wanted to get done this weekend. We finished up our bathroom remodel. I've cooked and prepared healthy lunches for the week and all the laundry is caught up.

I'm also want to reward myself. I keep telling myself if I make it to 30 days I can do a house project that's on the "want" list, not the "need" list. Use the money I would have spent on wine to pay for it.

That, along with reminding myself of how good I truly feel, should keep me going a bit longer.

Well, said toddler is asleep and I'm out of house chores. Time to raid the candy drawer and pour myself a big mug of hot tea.

[Lost Soul]

Hey Alive,
Your sounding great today - congratulations on day 5! Each & every sober day you achieve gives you more confidence & self belief that you can do it and in the meantime you did the right thing coming here & asking for support until you feel stronger x
Being a parent at any age has it's challenges but it's hard when they're small & your first because your life is so different to 'before' and the constant needs of a small child can feel like there is nothing else or anything beyond. Of course this very intense level of caring doesnt last forever but it doesnt feel like it at the time! Making friends at toddler groups or read along groups can help I found x
When I first joined MWOF, after my first child and two years sober - he was 3 years old and I felt like a failure as a mum & that I was letting him down and really ashamed of myself for drinking. I view it slightly differently now, in that I feel it is important to acknowledge that my alcoholism has/may have an impact on them and (age appropriately) ensure if necessary that they know they are not to blame for it & I am seeking help to get better...(and as nobody transforms from a normal person into superhero when they become a mum, it's a more healthier role model to not be perfect/make mistakes but be confident any problems can be overcome? If that makes sense as it relates to both drinking & general stuff!
As I'm a lone parent it helps to see parenting as a 'long term investment' haha! At the end will have grown two happy healthy adults! But as it's a very (rightly so) one way in terms of effort & support alot of the time so I really need to take time to reward myself.
Take it easy
LS

[dyingtobealive]

Hey Alive,
Your sounding great today - congratulations on day 5! Each & every sober day you achieve gives you more confidence & self belief that you can do it and in the meantime you did the right thing coming here & asking for support until you feel stronger x
Being a parent at any age has it's challenges but it's hard when they're small & your first because your life is so different to 'before' and the constant needs of a small child can feel like there is nothing else or anything beyond. Of course this very intense level of caring doesnt last forever but it doesnt feel like it at the time! Making friends at toddler groups or read along groups can help I found x
When I first joined MWOF, after my first child and two years sober - he was 3 years old and I felt like a failure as a mum & that I was letting him down and really ashamed of myself for drinking. I view it slightly differently now, in that I feel it is important to acknowledge that my alcoholism has/may have an impact on them and (age appropriately) ensure if necessary that they know they are not to blame for it & I am seeking help to get better...(and as nobody transforms from a normal person into superhero when they become a mum, it's a more healthier role model to not be perfect/make mistakes but be confident any problems can be overcome? If that makes sense as it relates to both drinking & general stuff!
As I'm a lone parent it helps to see parenting as a 'long term investment' haha! At the end will have grown two happy healthy adults! But as it's a very (rightly so) one way in terms of effort & support alot of the time so I really need to take time to reward myself.
Take it easy
LS

Thanks, LS! I made it to day 6.

Parenting is so hard, I'm not sure anyone is properly prepared - lol. I've thought about toddler groups. I'm not great with people, especially other women. Gaining back my confidence I hope. I live in a super "crunchy' area and my parenting views don't mesh well with most of the mommy groups around here. I know ultimately I need to not let it bother me, but I'm kinda vulnerable so when other moms attack me for my parenting skills it's not pretty. Just one example, breastfeeding didn't work out for us. I did everything I could think of - consultant visits, special diets, lots and lots of research and it just didn't work. I've been told: "Moms who don't breastfeed their kids just don't love them as much." Not something a new mom with PPD needs to hear!

But I'll get there. I have a few good friends who have toddlers that I can rely on, but most of our outings without our kids revolve around alcohol so that'll be something new to get used to as well.

Hope you are having a great day!

[madonmehndi]

Thanks, LS! I made it to day 6.

I know ultimately I need to not let it bother me, but I'm kinda vulnerable so when other moms attack me for my parenting skills it's not pretty. Just one example, breastfeeding didn't work out for us. I did everything I could think of - consultant visits, special diets, lots and lots of research and it just didn't work. I've been told: "Moms who don't breastfeed their kids just don't love them as much." Not something a new mom with PPD needs to hear!



Hope you are having a great day!

We all have our own parenting styles and breastfeeding isn't for everyone, I tried desperately hard to be a success story at it but had to admit defeat at 3 months as I was spending my entire life doing it and my DS was just a big baby who was never full! It is utter BS to think that someone loves their child any less if they dont do it so just pay no attention to the ignoramus who said that!!!
Well done on 6 days of sobriety :sohappy: xxx

[Pavati]

Hi, Alive:

So glad you keep making it day by day. My patience is exponentially better now that I don't drink. It did take a while, though.

One thing to think about - even sober, life is going to deal you lots of crap. That's just life. As you are in your early days of not drinking, maybe consider what you could do or use to sooth yourself instead of drinking so that you're not just white knuckling until 30 days. I like the suggestion of a bath (if your toddler wants your husband now, perfect time!). What else makes you feel good? Knitting? Reading People magazine? A run around the block? You will appreciate having those skills when you really feel like you "need" a drink.

Toddlers love their moms - period. Your daughter knows that no matter what you'll be around, so she's playing the heart strings of your husband to check him out as well. Teenagers are very good at this as well. Pushing away those they know will never actually leave.

I'm sorry about your PPD, and the bitchy moms in your area. My sister had it very badly also. Her kid is 11 and all is well. Another unexpected benefit I have gotten from not drinking is confidence to call bullshit on nasty people. You can't change what people say or do, only your reaction to it.

Great job getting to 6 days. Good for you for checking in here when you needed support.

Pav

[dyingtobealive]

Happy to report I made it to day 7 - one whole week! I truly didn't think this was possible. Last night was very difficult, not even sure why - nothing 'bad' even happened. But, I kept strong and waking up this morning I thought: "I am so happy I did not drink last night." I put an app on my phone that tells me how many days it's been and I kept envisioning that number going back to 1. Helped a bit.

Pav - A run around the block would be the perfect de-stressor. Unfortunately, it's winter here, and it's been gray and rainy and cold for a couple of weeks (or so it seems). I love outside running more than anything, but I do have a backup treadmill. There is a break in the rain today - so I plan to go for a nice long run on my lunch hour!

I did manage, however, to take 30 minutes to do some stuff around the house and that helped get my mind off things significantly. Helped me calm down, focus and I was able to come back with a better attitude. I know I won't always be able to go do stuff around the house or take a run whenever I get stressed so I do need to figure out something little I can do. I get overwhelmed by a lot of people in the same space a lot of times, so I think removing myself from them (finding an empty room, going outside) and just taking a 5 minute breather should help.

This weekend is my daughter's birthday party and we are having alcohol. I haven't had the balls to tell my husband or family what's going on, so if I was adamant about not having alcohol there it would be 'weird.' So, I'm preparing myself this week for that day. My plan so far is to 1) have lots of food I like to eat and 2) to focus solely on my daughter. If I can keep my focus on her, alcohol won't be so prevalent.

[Lost Soul]

Congratulations managing through to day 7 Alive :happy2: Even more so getting through the desire to drink - I think when they pop up & we use whatever tools/techniques work for us to get through - it definately gives us more confidence that we manage each time.
I'll be thinking of you at the weekend, with your daughters birthday - I'm sure it will be tough but you've got a good plan in place & have all of us rooting for you! I hope you enjoy her birthday too - such a special day for you all!
Sorry to hear the other parents near you are nasty, It definitely says more about their insecurities to not be nice to someone for not feeling confident or having different parenting ideas! There is a huge emphasis on 'breast is best' here too. But very little support for mums with it. I remember hearing about 90% of mums intend on breastfeeding but at three months old only a third are still breastfeeding x
Your doing great!
LS

[Pavati]

Hi,

I'm not sure what your drink of choice is, but maybe you could keep a cup of something delicious and non alcoholic in your own personal cup (don't confuse it with others!) to avoid the "What? You're not drinking?" questions that might come up (if they will make you feel confused or uncomfortable.) And give yourself license to eat like there's no tomorrow.

Pav

[dyingtobealive]

Well...I haven't met a drink I haven't liked yet Except vodka. Never could to vodka.

Anyway, we will most likely just have wine. And we are suuuuuuuper classy folks and drink out of solo cups when we have people over (because...dishes). I doubt anyone will even notice. They'd literally have to look in my drink to know. I'll make sure to have plenty of iced tea and hot tea, which should make it easier. In fact, I might hit up the grocery store for a couple different types of herbal tea to keep my options open.

Hopefully the distractions will keep me away from it. There will be about 8 kids under 5 and 18 adults. And I need to keep reminding myself of how I made a drunk fool of myself on Christmas in front of my in laws and I don't want to do it again.

[mario]

How you doing dyingtobelive

[dyingtobealive]

Hi! Quick check in - haven't had time to catch up until the nest.

Suuuuuper busy weekend, but I'm on day 12. Last night was almost a deal breaker. All day yesterday was probably the hardest day yet.

But I made it!

[paulywogg]

Excellent job Alive