I joined back in 2012 after asking my primary care doctor to prescribe Antabuse for me. Quit cold turkey, stayed sober for 5 months, then relapsed. I mainly drink at night before going to sleep.
Fast-forward to a few months ago...my job decided they needed folks with experience at the agency I did IT work for to man the help desk. I got volunteered along with three other people (three close to retirement age, and the mom with the special needs child-me). In short, I hate it. I don't even like talking on the phone. I got one day's notice to report, less than two weeks of very fractured training (holiday season), and got thrown into Tier 2. It's very stressful and I don't stress well. Finally one night I drove to the gym for Zumba class, pulled into a parking space, and burst into tears. Ugly-cried for about 30 minutes while Googling "what to do if you feel suicidal." Reached out to a minister friend on FB messenger and spilled my guts. I realized I needed help and contacted my primary care Dr, who prescribed an anti-depressant and Xanax, and referred me to a psychiatrist. I met with her today and told her about my drinking. She has prescribed Naltrexone (I'll be picking it up later today). I've been researching the drug and the Sinclair Method and actually feel optimistic!
I'm just disappointed because for the longest time, working out 3-4 times a week was enough to keep my depression at bay. I was so happy and positive all the time. Every night, when I'm in bed drinking, my brain knows "This is the wrong thing to do. It's holding up your weight loss journey, and you're going to feel like crap in the morning, and, duh, alcohol is a *depressant*, and your son deserves better." I know I'm doing it wrong. It's just that in that moment, I don't want to have to feel anything. I'll be starting the Naltrexone tonight and I'm hoping it works and helps me get rid of the craving for alcohol.
Thanks for reading, and I hope you all are doing well in your journeys.
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