Dropped the ball

[lizker]

16 months of sobriety down the drain. I took a long vacation and travelled to see family i hadn't seen for years. I had a feeling was going to relapse but i let my guard down and did not do what i knew worked. Part of me i guess really wanted to try to moderate. Can't do it. Went right back to the same crap i used to do. Iam not really beating myself too much as i know that this is a life long battle. My frustration though is that iam only able to string 4 to 5 Af days before i start over. Will hit the gym again and STAY there and stay close to MWO.

[paulywogg]

Re: Dropped the ball

Liz!!! So great to see you but so weird cuz I just barely bumped your magnesium thread,are you OK? You were doing so great last time we saw you, get back on it hon

[lizker]

Re: Dropped the ball

Thanks Pauly, it took me a while to get the guts to come back here to admit failure as i really felt that the dark days were behind me. I started to relax and entertain thoughts of alcohol free beer just before my relapse. How has your journey been? I love magnesium. Been taking v8 juice in my spinach and flax seed shakes to maximize my magnesium intake naturally. It really helps withanxiety and insomnia.

[Marylou123]

Re: Dropped the ball

Liz...I'm so glad you came back. You are always welcomed and loved here. No guts required; just the desire to move forward. Your 16mos is certainly not down the drain! You've learned (and shared) so much. I've learned a lot from your posts and I know you can "string together" the days moving forward.
Hugs -- ML

[lizker]

Re: Dropped the ball

Thanks a lot for that Marylou. I definitely learnt a lot and realize what my strength and weakness are. Im rereading my posts to get that person back. Just felt really strong spiritually and physically then. I know she's in there somewhere, it'll just be a tough fight.

[SKendall]

Re: Dropped the ball

Lizker, you are not a failure. I know it's hard to come back, but there are always open arms to welcome you.:hug:

[Pavati]

Re: Dropped the ball

Hi, Liz:

Good on you for coming back. 16 months not drinking? A win!

They say that the drinking in relapse is the last step - there are a lot of signs that come before then. It seems you noticed that...

Stay close - take good care of yourself.

Pav

[mario]

Re: Dropped the ball

Good for you for coming back Liz, let's move forward.

[Snoopy56]

Re: Dropped the ball

Liz, the fact that you came back right away and want what you had for 16 months shows you are moving forward and using what you learned in the AF time. Me too. As time goes on you just feel better and better AF, drinking turns into such an abyss so quickly.

[ThirdTimesACharm]

Re: Dropped the ball

Hey Lizker,

While it's natural you are disappointed at falling off the wagon, 16 months of continual sobriety is never time down the drain. Think how many billions of brain cells you saved!! Think how much you learned about yourself during that time. And think how much better equipped you are now to start up again and this time make it a forever quit.

ThirdTimesACharm

[lizker]

Re: Dropped the ball

Thanks Kendall. MWO is a wonderful place. Just coming back here already makes me feel like I'm back. It can be incredibly lonely to not have anyone who trully understands what you are going through. In the real world you have to keep up the front that you got it all together.

Pavati....So true about that. The relapse starts when you start to allow thoughts of getting that feeling you get from drinking. I recall taking supplements such as chamomile, passion flower all in an attempt to get that "relaxed" feeling. I know they weren't cutting it, so my mind naturally gave in to the real thing. I know i must not entertain any thoughts of getting a buzz for as long as i live. Just good ol nutrition and exercise is all i need


Thirdtimecharm.....absolutely right.I just hope the this one month of beinge drinking hasn't undone all the healing. It takes along time to rebuild. A very short to undo all the hard work

Thanks Snoopy and Mario. Back to the drawing board. Focus on the future and quite the regret and condemnation i've been carrying

[Wildflowers]

Re: Dropped the ball

Hi Liz,

Its good to see you, but am sorry its due to a lapse.

Made it 19 months, then three, then two wks , then a month. Then just drank for quite a while. Recently AF for about six wks. Then recent three day lapse. So glad we all have the opportunity to become stronger in our recoveries. Happy your jumping right back into sobriety! :smile:

Sounds like, you enjoy juicing and eat healthy. Have also been trying to do the same. If any ones willing to share recipes, I'm in. Understand if nobody is. Time constraints, etc.

[lizker]

Re: Dropped the ball

Wildflowers. 19 months was pretty remarkable.You are an awesome person and very supportive. We seem to be really in the same boat. We did it once, we can do it again. The frustration this time is how much the will power shift. I do eat healthy but i feel that the alcohol undoes all that good. But then i could be in much worse shape if i didn't try to eat right and exercise . I guess the bad and good even each other out. Sharing recipes is a great idea, especially smoothie recipes. Looking to start a detox cleanse pretty soon.

[Wildflowers]

Re: Dropped the ball

Thank you. I think the same about you and member your kind, smart and loving support!.. Thank you Liz!.. Hope we can be sober buddies. Congrats on your awesome 16 months!.. :smile:

Don't like to think we've undone all the good. Hope not. Glad your participating in other healthy life style choices. Would enjoy hearing about your detox plan if you have time.

My biggest frustration is severe anxiety and depression at times. Alcohol is just medicine to me. Thankfully, my Dr recently RX'd a non addictive med. There was a time I could exercise rigorously. Heat intolerance, muscle problems. But, I'm doing what I'm capable of.

Here's a smoothie I drink regularly. Any variation can apply.

Kale or spinach, organic plain yogurt, ACV, flaxseed, sometimes beets, carrots, apple and maybe a banana, or berries, raw honey. Sometimes I add pumpkin or sunflower seeds and nuts. Just recently learned you could freeze bananas up to three months. Tho, some people think bananas aren't healthy. Think the jury is still out on that one.

Invested in a Vitamix a few yrs ago. After hubs DX'd cancer. Bought it out of box, plus 20% off.

Anyway, there are many recipes out there and have read the greener the better. Going to experiment more. Using raw ginger for tummy issues. Haven't looked hard, but would like to find raw tumeric root.

[Pie]

Re: Dropped the ball

Glad you're back, Liz!