Mother's little helper-mother's ruin?

[uda]

Very presumptuous here - noticed there is a 'guys' section' - would it be possible to have a 'Mum's' section? To talk about the awful guilt that makes us drink even more/again/possibly in the first place?

Becoming a mum (or 'mom' to you yanks lol) is the single most guilt (and therefore possibly drink) inducing thing that can happen to a woman. Forget about being fat, hairy, warty and unpopular - this is the real thing! You suddenly become potentially responsible for all of society's ills - your kid ends up anorexic - your fault - a chainsaw wielding serial killer? ditto. What's more you will never know if s/he is that disfunctional - it can creep up on you 30 or 40 years after you've done your bit!

Combine that kind of societal thinking/belief system with the basic animal instinct/spiritual duty of protecting your young...To be honest, I think all mothers who are not 'unnaturally' self-confident are likely to be potential pissheads - lots of responsibility (feeling guilt)and not much power to change things.

Tear me to shreds but give it a few moments of thought beforehand.

uda

[tawnyfrog]

Mother's little helper-mother's ruin?

Hi uda,

Good points but I think you'll find that about 90% of the people here are mums/moms and another small percentage are dads/dads and an absolute minority are childless/barren/selfish or whatever societal values are place on the non-procreators.

Aren't we just pissheads because we're pissheads? No tearing to shreds involved. We are what we are. (Or were what we were.)

I respect and appreciate your post. Looking forward to more.

(I hate adding those emoticons but would add a "Smile" to indicate my complete lack of hostility ...)

[uda]

Mother's little helper-mother's ruin?

Hi beige frog!

No emoticons needed! Yes I agree that we are pissheads because we're pissheads - still there are some particular background bits, aren't there? We're not isolated weirdos but part of a society that has certain expectations (if not, then why have the 'guy's' section?).

I don't think we exist in a vacuum - read any newspaper and tell me afterwards that the term 'mother', for example, means nothing other than biological procreation.

Not saying it's wrong, not saying it should be an excuse but I do very much feel that what happens around you needs to be talked about too. No man (or woman) is an island.

uda

[tawnyfrog]

Mother's little helper-mother's ruin?

Yikes! Beige? Please - anything but beige. Even brown's better than beige.

OK - my thoughts only ... - the "Guys" section started because the poor blokes were surrounded by a bunch of harridans and harpies (careful here, better add an LoL) so RJ gave them their own playground which, unfortunately, has been totally infiltrated by aforementioned doxies. What started as a safe place for blokes to tell a sexist joke, discuss sport or exchange knitting patterns or a damn fine marinade, has once again beeen usurped by those who have an insatiable need to contribute (LoL, grin)

No. We don't exist in a vacuum and what happens around us needs to be talked about. So - would you recommend a special forum for "Woodcutters", "Shearers", "Animal Trainers", "Pole Dancers", "Existentialists" ....?

Yikes - we could get really busy around here ...

(Don't know what other non-pictorial bits I can add here - I don't even know how to do that sideways grinning thing to indicate I'm friendly)

(that's as wide as I can make it)

[Guest]

Mother's little helper-mother's ruin?

There are plenty of parents on here; me included. I agree the guilt that comes along with being a mother; as soon as you give birth to that child (before that even), everything changes. I feel guilty for almost everything I do these days and worry about the possible effects it may have on my darling girl. But, I also know the men here do as well, they are very devout to their children.

[Guest]

Mother's little helper-mother's ruin?

tawnyfrog;149589 wrote: Yikes! Beige? Please - anything but beige. Even brown's better than beige.

OK - my thoughts only ... - the "Guys" section started because the poor blokes were surrounded by a bunch of harridans and harpies (careful here, better add an LoL) so RJ gave them their own playground which, unfortunately, has been totally infiltrated by aforementioned doxies. What started as a safe place for blokes to tell a sexist joke, discuss sport or exchange knitting patterns or a damn fine marinade, has once again beeen usurped by those who have an insatiable need to contribute (LoL, grin)

No. We don't exist in a vacuum and what happens around us needs to be talked about. So - would you recommend a special forum for "Woodcutters", "Shearers", "Animal Trainers", "Pole Dancers", "Existentialists" ....?

Yikes - we could get really busy around here ...

(Don't know what other non-pictorial bits I can add here - I don't even know how to do that sideways grinning thing to indicate I'm friendly)

(that's as wide as I can make it)

You are a hoot. Completely agree, us chics take over everything and the poor men here are in the minority; they need their own playground.

[roxane]

Mother's little helper-mother's ruin?

as an absolute minority, can there be a section for non-procreating existentialist woodcutters please.


maybe not i think i may be lonely. lol lol lol

i understand what you're saying uda, but we are all people with the same problem and thats why we are on this forum.

roxane

[uda]

Mother's little helper-mother's ruin?

No idea how many pole dancers or woodcutters there are here - if there are quite a few and they have particular problems that they feel need supporting - yes, I would support that.

Seems a bit illogical to me to be on the one hand defending the 'guy' bit and on the other going against the 'mother/parent' bit.

Anyway, just a thought. You'll have to imagine whatever smilies are appropriate at this point - come to think of it, that's possibly quite a good way of dealing with the little pests as far as socially inept people like me are concerned!

Take care
Uli

[tawnyfrog]

Mother's little helper-mother's ruin?

... and at what point did anyone go against the "mother/parent" bit?






Geesh - when will I learn just to pull my bloody head in and shut up?

I'm sorry Uda - I was being flippant. I apologise.

I hope more serious posters will contribute to your train of thought. Please excuse and ignore my frivolous interjections.

[YoungAtHeart]

Mother's little helper-mother's ruin?

I think that GoingSoberMom has a blog for moms. You might try private messaging her. She would probably know if there is a forum or space for moms. You could also start your own thread about your feelings as a mom. You'd probably get lots of responses.

Good luck, Uli.

Kathy

[louise]

Mother's little helper-mother's ruin?

Uda, There is a special cd set for moms, which might be helpful and tons of people on the site are moms, probably the majority which is why no one has started a special section. Have you read the book yet? RJ talks about her feelings about that, as do many posts here. Start a thread about mom looking for support or something to this effect and you will find lots of company. And the guys are outnumbered and I felt guilty getting on there but couldn't resist the best movie one but I have been good since and stayed off. Roxanne, I'm not a woodcutter, but if we broaden it a bit to non-procreator existentialists do you think RJ will go for it? P.S. Uda - I just reread your post. Pests? laughing laughing laughing I work with special education students and most the time they are great but some days..........Go to the joke thread for a good laugh.

[paula]

Mother's little helper-mother's ruin?

I'm a parent/grandparent and have had drinking problems all my life. I have always felt guilty about this, but in spite of my problems (my drinking mostly done when kids in bed)
my kids have grown up to be healthy happy adults, my daughter happily married with 2
children, my son living in his own house with a partner. I'm very proud of my family
but yes I do still feel guilty at times, but I think that is the alcoholic in me, I think I am
programmed to feel guilt and remorse, as is any one male/female, mum/dad who has
a drink problem. I think MWO is the best thing I ever found and if people think they can
make suggestions to help others thats a good idea. For me I have found what I was
looking for.Paula.

[rottrod]

Mother's little helper-mother's ruin?

Uda,
I'm so glad you felt comfortable just jumping right in on your 2nd or third day. I think you have a valid point but I'm not one of the powers that be.

I'm one of those selfish non procreators, thanks tawnyfrog, your grasp of the english language turns me verde with evny. LOL

[uda]

Mother's little helper-mother's ruin?

Feel this needs a blushing pesky thing (also known as smilies) - I'm not normally forward like this at all and am feeling quite embarrassed about having started a debate of sorts.

It was never at all intended to be like this. For me guilt is a huge drinking trigger (once I start feeling a bit braver, I'll post my story) and motherhood, to some extent, is almost institutionalised guilt. I hear what people say about fathers but it's not the same. For fathers it's hell too but it's much more personal - for mothers it's all of society's expectations as well as that personal hell. Anything, absolutely anything, that goes wrong in an individual child tends to be blamed on bad 'parenting' for which read 'mothering'.

For fathers the societal expectations are much more geared towards the financial provision for the family, so maybe that (lack of promotion/recognition etc.) is more of a trigger point for them?

I don't know, I was just talking about my own experience of guilt being a trigger and motherhood being about guilt.

I have no problems btw with non-procreating pole dancers/woodcutters etc. - well not until it comes to my pension anyway lol.

[paula]

Mother's little helper-mother's ruin?

Uda, please don't feel embarrassed, it's good to air your views would'nt we be a boring
crowd if we all agreed. I do understand what you mean, it's easier in some ways to be
a dad who makes mistakes than a mum who does. I would'nt mind being a pole dancer,
but afraid I'm past my sell by date!