Big apology and lots of disgust.

[Cinders]

I have no idea what I posted last night, except apparently I did post some stuff.

I was completely toasted.

Apologies for anything I may have said.

Today, once again, I am totally filled with disgust at myself, embarrassed that I cannot seem to get a grip on this thing and don't know what the next step is.

Thanks for listening.

Cindi

[Guest]

Big apology and lots of disgust.

Ah, darling girl. I am sure we have all done that, I do know I have. And like you I woke up the next morning sick to my stomach worried about what I possibly have said as I have no recollection. I'm sure you probably have nothing to worry about..

My next step would to be to OD on water; take your vitamins, have a good meal and just be kind to yourself today. Today is a new day.

[Rocky]

Big apology and lots of disgust.

It is perhaps this desire to control your drinking and the current inability and resulting remorse that will build up each day and each week to form in your mind the resolve and reasons to control it and stop. At least it was for me. It is a process and a journey, not arrived at overnight.

Being here, sharing, reading and devising a plan is a great start and the beginning of the new you...

Day by day... do not give up!

[paula]

Big apology and lots of disgust.

DB, I have not read anything that you need to apologise for, so stop worrying about that.
Some times we are so busy beating ourselves up we expect others to join in. I have been
in your position so many times, self disgust and loathing but believe me things do get
better. I had been drinking for years until I suddenly hit rock bottom, I woke up after
a drinking bout and thought, I can't do this any more. MY husband was so angry with me
so I wrote him a letter telling him exactly how I felt and how I had no control over my
drinking, how scared I was and how depressed I had become, I had to write it down as
I could not put it into words. The next step I took I went to see my gp, I told him I was
feeling depressed and had been drinking, I did'nt tell him I was a regular drinker because
I also know him professionally. He prescribed antidepressants, which have really helped
me to feel better, and I have been af for 4 months now.
You will feel better, I really wish you well because I know how you feel.
Love Paula.

[retteacher]

Big apology and lots of disgust.

Dear db: I too have been where you were. The unbelievable aspect of this site is that nobody judges. Last week was a very bad week for me in terms of drinking, but I'm back to trying today. One day at a time, as the AA's say. Mary

[louise]

Big apology and lots of disgust.

db you made only 1 post last night to amazed and there was nothing wrong with it. The posting appears to have been in your head. You can see all your posts by clicking on your name. So drink lots of water, take your sups, listen to your cds and have a good day. Hugs

[rottrod]

Big apology and lots of disgust.

Well said Rocky, that's what happened to me. I lurked here night after night, drink in hand until I made the appointment with the doc and ordered the supps. Best thing I ever did. Then I still did it until they kicked in. I'm very glad to know that when I fall down and I'm sure those times will come, that I can come here to thes open arms and start over.

So can you DB.

[buffy]

Big apology and lots of disgust.

It is much better to be here posting than in a car or at the bar...! have a better day today DB...buffy

[cassy]

Big apology and lots of disgust.

Hi Db..i try to keep a coiple of disgusting images of my behaviour in my head if i get tempted to have a few extra wines.......nothing as gross as looking at me drunk(havent doen it for months and months though since coming on here)
Still doing mods..but the thought of some past behaviours mKWS ME BLUSH(mainly hidden in my own home..hence i am not doing home drinking at present...too easy to hide away and go into denial for me).

i HAVE DONE THE HOLE RANGE IN THE PAST..VOMITING, GETTING THE RUNS(ONLY JUST GETTING TO THE LOO!)ARGUING WITH HUBBY FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN OVER BOOZED UP......HAD A WEE ON MY BACK LAWN TOO..SEEMED REASONABLE AFTER A BOTTLE OF WINE!!!!

THANKFULLY I DONT RING PEOPLE WHEN BOOZED UP...TEND TO START NODDING OFF TOO..VERY EMBARASSING IF OUT IN COMPANY!!

MY WORST OCCASIONS OVER THE YEARS HAVE BEEN WEDDINGS AND PARTIED..2006 WAS THE FIRST YEAR IN DONKEYS YEARS I WENT TO WEDDINGS AND DIDNT GET SLOSHED..HOW DISGRACEFUL IS THAT.

The good thing is like Rocky said the gradual changes i am making are now showing and i feel more positive .

i realise i was living a life that was so contrary to what i believe in yet seemed helpless to change....i was looking in the wrong places for help thats what the problem was!!!!


no i have so much support from hubby, a close friend. power of prayer and this site..hence the ability to make small steps regularly.

good luck to you all on this changing journey we are all on

Cassy

[DidItForMe]

Big apology and lots of disgust.

DB:
This site is to help people with a problem, and all of us have a problem. We understand how you are feeling. Don't beat yourself up to bad. Learn to hate the feeling you have right now, don't hate yourself. I'm glad you are still here today and I'm sure it's not as bad as you imagine!!!

[bootcampbarbie]

Big apology and lots of disgust.

hey DB; tis all really great and beautiful feelings and words coming your way. and tis right hate the feelings or recognize the actions but don't hate yourself. it may be just the thing that has you never drink again. it is the blessing and the curse. we all have a darkside even if we aren't drinking. it isn't even like being sober will take away the dark side. it is just trying to stay above the line everyday so i don't have to drink. my heart feels for you. i'm sending you lots of love and light today. douse yourself in lots of water, electrolytes and aminos. it is a good day to be clean