concussion bruises,memory lose

[chilli]

Hi Guys
well hear i am back to day 3. Got totally wasted the other night, rang my ex told him to take the kids i couldnt do this any more, feel over in the bathroom, ex came over have no idea what i said to him, can not remember a thing woke up in the morning, with a really sore head and hip, have masive bruiseing, on my head and hip, have spent the last two days kicking the shit out of myself, and the cycle begins again.
I thank you guys for you words of wisdom, just read them to late. I know you guys said i can go out and not drink, but thats my point no one asks me out, they all have there own lives or live to far away or go to pubs and clubs, just cant do that yet.
i dont really have many friends, and have no close family other than my kids, and even thought i love them to death, they just want want want , i guess what iam saying is i just need someone who cares, and i can off load on, and laugh with, i guess i must be a real shit person, most people have friends, thats why i got shatted the other night one of my only friends i have left is moving 3 days drive away, and i feel totaly alone, god i can not take losing every one anymore. I just dont know were to turn for help, i dont think i am a bad person, but i must be if i cant keep friends, anyway i am depressing my self, and i bet half of you have slit your rists by now, i have spent so much money on selfhelp books, councelling , vitamins, anti depressants, nothing seems to help, then when i just keep failing it just brings me down more, i just hate myself, wish there was a pill to change who you are. I dont want my ex to take my kids, but he is just having so much fun and has heaps of friends, here i am bringing up his kids, going insane, i would die if the kids were not hear.

[paula]

concussion bruises,memory lose

Chilli,
So sorry your feeling like this, you are losing your friend so it's understandable how you
feel. All I can say is Iv'e been there and you will feel better soon.You do have people
who care, we are all here, so keep posting. Hope you feel better soon
Love and best wishes Paula xx

[nancy]

concussion bruises,memory lose

I was so sad to read your post that I almost cried. I really feel for you, wherever you are!

Things seem bad now but no doubt the horrible depression is alcohol induced to a large degree. check into posts on that and you will see that I am right. Morrison posted a really depressing one after a bad binge, for example.

Keep remembering that you are probably going to feel better in a few days. sounds like you need some life changes to improve your social situation but you are in such a bad frame of mind now, that it is best not to dwell on these at the moment. put that aside for when you are feeling better.

There are a lot of bad things about alcoholism that we cannot control. you can't control your bruises. you can't control the embarassing incidents from the past or the lost relationships. there is one powerful thing you can control, your reaction to it and how you treat yourself. no matter how bad it gets you need to be a good friend to yourself. show yourself some compassion. imagine how you would react if you saw a close friend selfdestructing and seemingly incapable of stopping it. what would you say? then turn that positive energy inward toward yourself.

then you can work on changing this a little bit at a time with all the rest of us.

take care.

[sammys]

concussion bruises,memory lose

HI Chili, by the way I love chili all kinds, winter and summer. It is one of my favorite things to have a big bowl of. Thats what we are here for, so post away. I know you feel lost right now and I tell you I think most of us have felt that way to.

We are here for you!!
Sammys

[SKendall]

concussion bruises,memory lose

Hi Chili, sorry that you are feeling so bad. Once the cycle has started it's tough to get off it. Just do the best you can detoxing and I think the depression may lift. Take care of yourself, baths, healthy foods, non-alcoholic drinks, herbal teas, etc.

We are here for you.

[louise]

concussion bruises,memory lose

Chilli, I'm so sorry your friend is moving away. I know with your dad dying recently that one more loss seems like too much to bear. I have had times in my life when anyone I felt close to was hundreds of miles away and was very lonely. It feels terrible, but it does not mean there is anything wrong with you. Please stay connected here and join one of the threads with a daily check in. Lots of people here care about you.

[Guest]

concussion bruises,memory lose

Hi Chilli, I am so sorry you are going through such pain. I don't make friends easy, I never have and I don't think I have any 'real' friends at the moment. I have a couple girls I talk to every now and then and that's about it. I'm isolated here in France raising my baby girl pretty much on my own as my husband works so much, I understand the lonliness you are feeling. Being a mother is the best and the hardest job to ever do, and with no support it is sometimes unbearably painful to have to go through it all alone. As much as you love your child, you still need someone to love and support you.

That's why most mothers turn to alcohol, I believe anyway. It makes the pain dull somewhat, but the effects of it don't provide any benefits.

Hold you head high and know that this will pass.. we are all here for you.

[buffy]

concussion bruises,memory lose

Hi Chilli, I wish I were there in Sydney because I would love to have you as a friend. I am a mother with 3 kids at home too, it is hard to have friends right now. I am driving someone somewhere or cooking dinner or cleaning up after them constantly. I don't mind not having alot of friends. I moved around alot as a child and got used to leaving places and people usually every 2 years or so. Maybe you could take and art class if you like art, or something like that. I am thinking about getting a job...That has been where I have made most of my friends in the past. One thing, don't measure your self worth according to your number of friends. It is better to be alone than with people that are going to drag you down...take care of yourself. Some friends that I have had in the past were worse than lonliness. Love ya...Buffy

[Rocky]

concussion bruises,memory lose

Chilli

"What a friend we have in Jesus"..

[Guest]

concussion bruises,memory lose

buffy;150049 wrote: Hi Chilli, I wish I were there in Sydney because I would love to have you as a friend. I am a mother with 3 kids at home too, it is hard to have friends right now. I am driving someone somewhere or cooking dinner or cleaning up after them constantly. I don't mind not having alot of friends. I moved around alot as a child and got used to leaving places and people usually every 2 years or so. Maybe you could take and art class if you like art, or something like that. I am thinking about getting a job...That has been where I have made most of my friends in the past. One thing, don't measure your self worth according to your number of friends. It is better to be alone than with people that are going to drag you down...take care of yourself. Some friends that I have had in the past were worse than lonliness. Love ya...Buffy

I couldn't agree more Buff, I would rather have no friends than ones that are toxic. I moved around a lot like you as well.

[ducky]

concussion bruises,memory lose

Chilli, hope you are feeling a bit better by now. I also know all about the lonliness. I lived alone for 15 years and it was hard. I used my wine as entertainment, which is what got me here. I don't know your situation, i.e., can you have someone watch your children once a week so you could take a class or pursue a hobby? It sounds like getting out and doing something for yourself might be a good thing...

((((((((((hugs))))))))

[bluesky]

concussion bruises,memory lose

Chilli

We are all here for you, life has been giving you some hard blows recently but things will improve, they really will, please try to get a few AF days under your belt just so you can see things in a clearer light and we will take it from there. Hang on in there, you have many friends here at MWO who truly care about you.

Please take care

Blue

[hart]

concussion bruises,memory lose

(((Chilli)))

I too have woken up w/bruises I didn't know whence they came from. You did good calling your ex to handle the kids. You did good posting on here.....we are your friends and we all have gone thru similiar OR WORSE things. I am starting AF day 1. Had 30+ under my belt....will again.

Sometimes we have to stub our toes a lot before we simply decide to either put on shoes or go another way........

[tea]

concussion bruises,memory lose

Hi Chilli, that really touched me - I so relate to the feeling of total isolation, not belonging and having no-one. Thankfully I moved back to where I come from but as you say in your post everyone has their own life and have been getting on with it. I joined a couple of evening groups, some I stayed with some I didn't, they were not alcohol related more spiritual. I don't make friends easily either as I always feel 'different' from other women my age and as buffy said I really would rather have just one friend or even none than the 'people' I have called friends in the past who were anything but. I love this site, one of the biggest reasons is that I can be myself, say what I feel whever I feel like it. I feel I have friends here whenever I log in. I wish you happiness Chilli. Please please please remember that there is nothing you have or are going through that at least one of us can relate to. Thanks so much for posting that, it has really made me think.

Take care.

Lorna xx

[buffy]

concussion bruises,memory lose

Yes Chilli we are your friends and none of us will ask to borrow money, move into your house and eat all your food, borrow your car and wreck it, ask you to take care of our kids while we go out, ask you to fill in for them at work while they get paid, expect you to give them a birthday gift while forgetting about yours,borrow your clothes and not return them, flirt with your husband,critiize your kids,tell you you need to loose weight, want you to drive them around because they can't drive and never offer to give you gas money, etc....I really like my dogs!