Hi all
At this point,after 5.5 months I feel rather strange.
I keep thinking about all the stupid drunken shit I've done, even from years ago. It makes me sad, and makes me wonder why I didn't stay sober before. But I guess it doesn't really matter.
I sort of don't know what to do with myself at times. Drinking was so pervasive, even though it wasn't every day.
I'm so feeling resentful about the situation here with my daughter and granddaughter. I find that I am keeping the baby ( actually 3 years old) while Hanna works sometimes and frankly I am tired of it. Of course I could not,lover her more, but I resent having no life. I realize that it's up to me to get going with all this cognitive dissonance but I'm a bit overwhelmed?
One of the worst parts of it is that I like a clean environment, and my daughter does not en of course I blame myself for raising her better, for not instilling in her this ethic. SO tired of cleaning up their messes.
I might have mentioned that before she came here (2014) I wen to see her in Fresno. Her apartment was absolutely filthy.
I was stunned. I actually did not even want to stay there. If not for me the situation would escalate here, where she lets things go until they are unbearable.
A part of the little ones disability is her constantly chewing on her fingers, so to speak, so there's a gloomy mess on
the furniture and elsewhere. She cannot help that but I should not be the one cleaning it up.
NO desire to drink, but I think I'd better get some help to sort all this out. Depression maybe....
Just feeling very troubled and conflicted. I seem to be unable to " look on the bright side"-
I got a card from a friend the other day that said "You are loved by many." I was thinking "Really? Who would that be?
Where are they?"
Sorry to be so gloomy
Peace and love
Ann
At this point,after 5.5 months I feel rather strange.
I keep thinking about all the stupid drunken shit I've done, even from years ago. It makes me sad, and makes me wonder why I didn't stay sober before. But I guess it doesn't really matter.
I sort of don't know what to do with myself at times. Drinking was so pervasive, even though it wasn't every day.
I'm so feeling resentful about the situation here with my daughter and granddaughter. I find that I am keeping the baby ( actually 3 years old) while Hanna works sometimes and frankly I am tired of it. Of course I could not,lover her more, but I resent having no life. I realize that it's up to me to get going with all this cognitive dissonance but I'm a bit overwhelmed?
One of the worst parts of it is that I like a clean environment, and my daughter does not en of course I blame myself for raising her better, for not instilling in her this ethic. SO tired of cleaning up their messes.
I might have mentioned that before she came here (2014) I wen to see her in Fresno. Her apartment was absolutely filthy.
I was stunned. I actually did not even want to stay there. If not for me the situation would escalate here, where she lets things go until they are unbearable.
A part of the little ones disability is her constantly chewing on her fingers, so to speak, so there's a gloomy mess on
the furniture and elsewhere. She cannot help that but I should not be the one cleaning it up.
NO desire to drink, but I think I'd better get some help to sort all this out. Depression maybe....
Just feeling very troubled and conflicted. I seem to be unable to " look on the bright side"-
I got a card from a friend the other day that said "You are loved by many." I was thinking "Really? Who would that be?
Where are they?"
Sorry to be so gloomy
Peace and love
Ann
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