I am a strange sort of problem drinker...well maybe not that stange. I am not a daily drinker, but more of a binger and I never really know once I start drinking how far I will go with it. Sometimes I make myself a drink, have a few sips and think...I don't really want this and pour it out..or have one or two and stop. Other times, yesterday for instance I stated drinking a bottle of wine in the afternoon while cooking for some friends, kept it going and got utterly smashed by the end of the night. I sometimes go a couple of weeks without drinking, usually one week and then have a big binge, sometimes more than once a week, but not often. The past 6 weeks or so, almost everytime I drink I drink till drunk. I never seem to really know what decsion will be made and when I do binge it does seen physical and compulsive. I also smoke compusively when I am drinking and typically don't smoke at all any other time. The thing that has been really freaking me out lately is that after a short stint on the antidepressant Lexapro I started having blackouts, since I was not willing to stop drinking I have since come off of the antidepressant, but am still experiencing blackouts, albeit not as severe as on the meds.
I'm not sure if I can, but I would like to learn to moderate. Sometimes I can be moderate I just don't really understand why I am sometimes and not others. I was a very abusive drinker as a teenager and stopped drinking completely for about 13 years. In some ways that was good and in some ways I was incredibly uptight and worked all the time and I don't want to go back to that again either. I started drinking again when I was 31, I am now 38. I have connected in the past with someone from a moderation mangement movement and in the past I have done thier 30 abstinence recommendation. I am feeling particularily crappy today, because of the hangover and the guilt. I had set out to do another 30 day last week and whatever happened yesterday I just said F*** it and drank even more than I probably would have if I hadn't made the commitment to stop for a while in the first place! Crazy eh? I also did this in front of a good friend's new girlfriend who I was meeting for the first time.
I have been reading some posts for a while now and I just decided today I need to post and just get this stuff off my chest. It's not like my drinking habits are a big secret to my friends and family, but how embarrased, worried and tortured I feel over it sometimes is a secret. And with the mini blackouts I am terrified of things I may say or do under the influence.
I am wondering a few things about the program here for someone who has my habits...like Topomax...would that be something needed or helpful for someone who is not an everyday drinker?
If someone who has had experience using the cds to moderate I would love if you would share that with me.
I am making an appointment for cognative behavioral therapy with a therapist who is supervised by a well known guy with a harm reduction philosophy.
Thanks for reading.:new:
I'm not sure if I can, but I would like to learn to moderate. Sometimes I can be moderate I just don't really understand why I am sometimes and not others. I was a very abusive drinker as a teenager and stopped drinking completely for about 13 years. In some ways that was good and in some ways I was incredibly uptight and worked all the time and I don't want to go back to that again either. I started drinking again when I was 31, I am now 38. I have connected in the past with someone from a moderation mangement movement and in the past I have done thier 30 abstinence recommendation. I am feeling particularily crappy today, because of the hangover and the guilt. I had set out to do another 30 day last week and whatever happened yesterday I just said F*** it and drank even more than I probably would have if I hadn't made the commitment to stop for a while in the first place! Crazy eh? I also did this in front of a good friend's new girlfriend who I was meeting for the first time.
I have been reading some posts for a while now and I just decided today I need to post and just get this stuff off my chest. It's not like my drinking habits are a big secret to my friends and family, but how embarrased, worried and tortured I feel over it sometimes is a secret. And with the mini blackouts I am terrified of things I may say or do under the influence.
I am wondering a few things about the program here for someone who has my habits...like Topomax...would that be something needed or helpful for someone who is not an everyday drinker?
If someone who has had experience using the cds to moderate I would love if you would share that with me.
I am making an appointment for cognative behavioral therapy with a therapist who is supervised by a well known guy with a harm reduction philosophy.
Thanks for reading.:new:
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