Yesterday was ONE WHOLE YEAR!!
365 days!
52 weeks!
12 months!
Thank you MWO for being my beacon of light and never giving up on me. Every time I came crawling back ashamed, broken, desperate for understanding, and hoping to find a way...you were here.
And I did find my way because of MWO.
Literally one fricken day at a time.
That last night I drank a whole year ago...I still think about it. It was a Friday. I stopped after work and bought wine. I was crafting for an upcoming Scout event. I was drunk when my husband and son came home. But I was happily crafting away.
Safe in my home with my family.
Suddenly it was 3am the next day and I woke up with a terrible fright. What happened? OMG my head...oh I did it again...you get the picture. I stumbled into the kitchen to drink water and I saw crafting stuff all over. I walk past my living room and I don't see my car. WHAT? Where is my car? THINK!!
Tiny flashes assault me...liquor store, then driving to a bar as to not upset the family apparently..drinking vodka in my car...drinking at the bar...OH! That's where my car is!
Somehow I had the sense to call my brother to come get me and bring me home. He did. The next day my husband took me back to get it. Inside the car, on the front seat lay the half drunk bottle of vodka in the paper bag.
I went home and drank that vodka. I knew that I was saying goodbye to alcohol but I drank it anyway. I finally accepted that I could never just have one, and that I could never go back again.
I slept for the weekend. I'm pretty sure I checked in here. I still don't remember everything that happened, that night was all a black out. I do know that I am not allowed back in that bar. I do know that my husband refused to come and pick me up. I do know that I could have had an accident or DWI.
I do know that something snapped inside of me and I did not care what happened to me. (Others yes, but not myself) And I had a gut wrenching feeling that I was spared some terrible catastrophe. I could have easily died in a horrible crash just like my dear brother did. I could have killed someone. But somehow, God helped me get home and I never drank again.
And I pray every day that I never will again.
365 days!
52 weeks!
12 months!
Thank you MWO for being my beacon of light and never giving up on me. Every time I came crawling back ashamed, broken, desperate for understanding, and hoping to find a way...you were here.
And I did find my way because of MWO.
Literally one fricken day at a time.
That last night I drank a whole year ago...I still think about it. It was a Friday. I stopped after work and bought wine. I was crafting for an upcoming Scout event. I was drunk when my husband and son came home. But I was happily crafting away.
Safe in my home with my family.
Suddenly it was 3am the next day and I woke up with a terrible fright. What happened? OMG my head...oh I did it again...you get the picture. I stumbled into the kitchen to drink water and I saw crafting stuff all over. I walk past my living room and I don't see my car. WHAT? Where is my car? THINK!!
Tiny flashes assault me...liquor store, then driving to a bar as to not upset the family apparently..drinking vodka in my car...drinking at the bar...OH! That's where my car is!
Somehow I had the sense to call my brother to come get me and bring me home. He did. The next day my husband took me back to get it. Inside the car, on the front seat lay the half drunk bottle of vodka in the paper bag.
I went home and drank that vodka. I knew that I was saying goodbye to alcohol but I drank it anyway. I finally accepted that I could never just have one, and that I could never go back again.
I slept for the weekend. I'm pretty sure I checked in here. I still don't remember everything that happened, that night was all a black out. I do know that I am not allowed back in that bar. I do know that my husband refused to come and pick me up. I do know that I could have had an accident or DWI.
I do know that something snapped inside of me and I did not care what happened to me. (Others yes, but not myself) And I had a gut wrenching feeling that I was spared some terrible catastrophe. I could have easily died in a horrible crash just like my dear brother did. I could have killed someone. But somehow, God helped me get home and I never drank again.
And I pray every day that I never will again.
Comment