this is it

[chilli]

Well guys
had another night last night, went out to lunch with a girl from work we went to a pub, first mistake, didnt want to tell her that i have a problem with alcohol (might scare her off) so i had glass of wine with lunch, then another, then sugested she come back to my place for a drink bottle and half of wine later, woke up this morning dont remember her living ,daughter told me was was acting like i was persessed, throw up must have fallen over again because my arm is sore, through the guitar broke it, thank god all this happened after she left. There are no feelings to discribe how i feel today.
but have made a really major disition moderation is not for me i am an all or nothing type of girl so i guess it is nothing.
Had a phone call from my girl friend who is moving away asking were i was last night , she had rung the other night when i was pissed and told me about a fairwell dinner, well i didnt remember and hence didnt go she was really upset with me, and said she is really worried about my drinking , says this site is not good eought and that i should give aa a try (she has been sober for about three years) and said she could not have done it alone, she went to a parenting group and her husband really helped her, and she defantly thinks moderation is not for me so here we go day one again , god help me get through this time i dont want my kids to remember me like this horrible lush, i wish i could erase ther memories and only have the good times.
Thanks for all your wonderful posts i know you are all there for me i just wish we could go out for lunch or something , i dont mean to make you all feel unworthy i think you are all amazing, and i promise to try really hard to be positive , happy and SOBER........
ANY POINTERS WOULD BE GREAT

[louise]

this is it

Hi Chilli, It sounds like your friend really cares about you. I know she is going to be a long way away but I hope you will stay in touch with her. It sounds like she would really be good support for you. It does sound like the support of people you can meet with would be helpful. I was in a wonderful women only AA group once. Does your friend have suggestions of groups since she has been through this? Please keep coming here as well and take all your supplements and stuff. Were you able to get medication from the dr.? I wish you the best Chili. It sounds like you have made a healthy decision for yourself for now.

[Guest]

this is it

Sorry to hear you`ve been upset chilli, but hang in there -we`re all here for each other.
I think so very many of us are literally terrified by the thought of abstaining from our beloved booze forever, which is why we opt to moderate. I too hope to moderate, but is very early days for me. However, at the end of the day, I think if we try mods several times and can`t commit to it, then I think we need to seriously consider going abs.

Kind regards,

Starlight Impress

[beatle]

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Chilli,

Sorry to hear about that. I also wish we could erase the bad memories and keep just the good, but do remember the bad ones will fade with time as long as you keep making more and more good ones. As for moderate vs. Abs, I tried AF for a few weeks followed by trying moderation and I couldn't do it for more than about a week or two. So now I am focussing on just AF, no mod, but I don't rule out trying again, maybe after a few months or a year or something. Maybe if it is just too hard to imagine NEVER drinking again, you could try AF for the foreseeable future (don't decide yet if it is forever) but rule out trying mod for a good long while, maybe it will be easier. I don't know, it seems to be working for me, though it's too soon to tell for sure (only at 4 weeks now).

[Cinders]

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Chilli,

It sounds like you have a wonderful friend who has gone through this herself. You are very lucky!!

I have only been on since May 2007, myself, and am just now making the step. (2 Days AF and goin' on 3)

Use every resource at your fingertips, including this one if it helps, research and plan. Find the combination that works for you.

Take heart in all the successful stories you see here and empathize with the ones who misstep. I believe both of us for sure will misstep and then pick ourselves back up again and go forward.

This group is a Godsend for me but I also have the support of family and friends around me. However, in the end it is up to us to take the steps.

Keep fighting the good fight because you are right, your children are worth every effort you can make!! You sound like a truly caring and loving mother, which makes you a special person in my eyes!!

Cindi

[Kitty]

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Sorry to hear you are hurting Chilli,

I think some of us just can't moderate. I'd love to be able to but I'm going to give af a serious try. As DB2 said use all the resources you can and just keep trying until you find the right formula for you.

Take care,

Kitty

[buckledown]

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Good Morning chili...i too tried moderation...it didn't work for me either but i just could not think about never drinking agian ...i am AF 12 days today...a true miracle for me...its only with the help of this site...supps .....and the topa has made a huge difference...but i truly believe the buggest difference is my desire...i really am just so sick of being sick and tired ...and i could not do it to my kids anymore..they had seen enough...i am resposible for the people they are becoming ....so here i am and i still cant think about forever...just today..i know i wont drink today...and i know i can do that....the whole forever thing...way too heavy for me...The biggest gift we are given is that eveyday you can start again...make this your new day.. you can do this....together we can do this... keep posting...:l Buck