Would appreciate hearing from some old timers in sobriety!

[Kairos]

Hey folks,
This will be my first Christmas and New Year sober. I have about 6 months under my belt and really feel it at times of celebration like this. ( not alone there) But I'm not about to sabotage the progress I've made. I would love to hear from any long term abstainers who can remind me how worth it it l is. I realise that at 6 months I'm a baby and I've been here before a few times. I am ok mostly but I realise how tentative my recovery could be if I start letting any thoughts of returning to booze. So far it hasn't happened. Praying it continues.
Good luck to one and all for a sober smart and happy Christmas.
Peace,
Kairos

[abcowboy]

Congrats on your AF time [MENTION=18021]Kairos[/MENTION], 6 months is fantastic! I’m not sure you’d consider me an old-timer with just under 3 years of a great new lifestyle, but at just shy of being 61, my kids think I’m an old-timer lol.

You’re undoubtedly going to hear many of the old clichés regarding sobriety, and most things you’ve probably heard before. I don’t think anything I’ve experienced is much different than the rest of the folks ‘round here either. I guess the one thing I will tell you about continued sobriety is the freedom you will feel. No longer chained to that first drink.

This past week I’ve politely turned down numerous offers of a Christmas drink, mostly from customers who have no idea that I’m a recovering alcoholic. Some left it at the “no thanks”, others pressured a bit until I explained why I don’t (not can’t) drink. That ability gets easier and easier the more sober time you get in.

I’d like to turn the question back at you, because that’s the only thing that really matters. What makes sobriety the right thing for you? Why are you glad you put the bottle down and never looked back? You’ve probably already been through some “firsts” with 6 months sobriety under your belt, so this holiday season is really no different. If I get to thinking that I wish I could drink normally, I ask myself how a drink or two could really add anything, what makes any occasion better because of a drink or two…

My advice, look at all the good things you’ve experienced because you’re sober! Don’t let that voice try to convince that things could be even better with a drink or two because we know that’s just not the truth.

Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas and continued success in the coming years….

[mollyka]

Re: Would appreciate hearing from some old timers in sobriety!

Hey Kairos and well done on 6 months of sobriety -- like Cowboy I wouldn't consider myself a 'long-termer' - but with a few years under my belt I s'pose I can say that nowadays the norm is NOT to drink or not to even think about drinking so I guess maybe that's the stage you would like to get to?

What finally got me sober after many many attempts was to truly understand the impossibility of me living a 'normal' life and drinking - and no - I had none of those 'biggies' -- no drunk-driving offences, no divorce, no lost job - but Christ my head was a mess, my relationships were fraught and my whole life seemed to be just one big lie... so rather than looking at it as 'maybe I wasn't that bad' or 'one or two wouldn't hurt' or 'I deserve it it's Christmas/birthday/holiday' etc.. I just accepted that if I allowed alcohol back into my life - I was screwed really.

My first sober 'firsts' I navigated (posted this recently actually so sorry if you've read that and I'm repeating myself) with the attitude that yeah it may be boring - hard- sad - whatever... but I WILL NOT DRINK... no matter what.. bored, hard, sad etc never killed anyone. but alcohol was killing my soul.... and then surprisingly - it just wasn't that bad... in fact.. it was grand. and each 'first' I navigated it became easier and easier until truthfully - after just a few short years I don't think of drink at all -- not AT ALL -- I promise you that.

But you really must convince yourself that it's necessary - if we quit grog cos our partner is cross with us or cos we've gotten fat or lazy or because our liver mightn't be too healthy -- all those things will fix themselves with a small amount of sobriety and then what happens? well we go back and drink - that's what happens

I KNOW without ANY doubt that my heart and soul will die if I drink again - I become a shrivelled up mess inside - yeah outside may be grand - I may have dodged all those bullets but there was no self-respect - self-care -- I don't want to become that person again. I love being proud of myself. being respected by my family and friends.

So now -- Christmas -- what is it? It's a day - if we're religious it's got nothing to do with drink -- if we aren't religious -- WHAT IS IT?? A day to lose all our hard won self-love -- OF COURSE NOT -- at worst Kairos you may have a bit of a long boring day -- that's up to you -- or you can think of a few things you'd like to do - and do them -- watch some movies - make a jigsaw - go to bed and cover your head for 24 hours...
and at best -- maybe it won't be a rip-roaring day singing and dancing and thinking you're hilarious.... I dunno bout you - but it was a really long time since alcohol truly made me sing and dance..

It's only a day -- our life is at stake - and I love love love being who I am now... don't throw it away -- it could be a long time before you manage to find yourself with 6 months sobriety under your belt again - each and every relapse makes it harder.. I do know that too!!!
HAPPY CHRISTMAS -- it really can be xxxx

[Pavati]

Re: Would appreciate hearing from some old timers in sobriety!

Hi, Kairos:

I just hit the four year mark. I'd call that medium-term sobriety, but I'll chime in anyway...

The ONLY thing that worked for me was absolute acceptance. I was able to gain acceptance by reading everything I could about alcoholism, drinking, moderating, etc., and by thinking and talking about my drinking A LOT. My last weekend of drinking was bad - drinking, hangover, drinking, hangover... I felt really terrible, out of control, and scared. At the end of that, I came here, signed up with a therapist, and said enough is enough. There was no way I could live the life I wanted and still be a drinker.

Once I had acceptance, I had to set about finding other ways to relax, celebrate, calm anxiety, and fit in. I don't drink, so what else was there to do in any given situation. After the initial euphoria about quitting, losing some weight, and having everyone tell me how great I look, I had a hard time. From about 3 months until about 11 months I was frequently having pity parties - why me? Why did this happen to me? Is this all there is to sober life? The same bad things keep happening, and now no booze? The only constant was that I kept in my mind that I had accepted I couldn't drink. Even through the pity parties, I had to say "oh well, you can't drink."

But also through that time, I found myself benefitting from and enjoying my sober life in ways I never thought possible. I love live music sober. Sex is better. Camping is more relaxing. My birthday was memorable and I celebrated during the day with my kids. My relationship with my husband calmed down. I enjoy dancing, etc. etc. As time went along, my gratitude increased, and my pity parties decreased. I followed the advice of the sober people I connected with (many of them here). Develop a practice of gratitude, practice self care, exercise, read, etc.

My favorite tools are my sober community (MWO mostly, but also a couple of in-person friends), exercise, and reading blogs/listening to podcasts/watching videos about sobriety. I also keep a healthy fear of alcohol. When I need to, I read through my journal from the last year. Fear is the most often used word. I recall that weekend, how bad I felt, how afraid I was. I read about the stages of relapse, and take care to notice how I'm feeling. I really, really don't want to start drinking again. Really. Because I have accepted that I can't drink and have the life I want. It is that simple.

I can attest to the fact that everything gets easier and easier. Hang in there, and don't leave that door open. Accept that you don't drink and set about making a life for you that helps support that. Life doesn't suddenly become rainbows and unicorns, but dealing with the pain, the anger, anxiety, sadness and the negative situations sober makes getting out of those feelings and situations easier.

I wanted to write this more coherently in the morning, but I felt compelled to write tonight in case you needed it.

You got this. You're worth the effort. Sobriety is freedom, really and truly.

xo
Pav

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Re: Would appreciate hearing from some old timers in sobriety!

Hi Kairos, thanks for starting this thread and thanks to AB, Molly & Pav for posting. I too am heading into my first Christmas & New Year sober and very happy about that. Your taking the time to post is a valuable part of the jigsaw that make it possible for others to follow this well trodden path to freedom and for that I am grateful. Have a good one folks.

[available]

Re: Would appreciate hearing from some old timers in sobriety!

Kairos, i am in complete agreeance with everyones posts. I just needed to accept that i could not drink, i wasnt happy about it at all but i could fail yet again or i could plod along and listen to the oldies and believe that life got better.

I was 24 days sober my first xmas and boy was i feeling deprived and angry but i knew i couldnt drink. i did have a lovely day but i did also log on to mwo when the f#ck its were about to occur. to see everyone having a drink and being happy was what i wanted but there was no happiness and fun in my drinking, there was an empty shell of a person living inside a body (like Molls). That al voice enticed me constantly my first xmas to drink but i had the love and support of my children and they were on 100% guard duty with my not drinking. to have that accountability kept me going, to have mwo as a back up kept me going and my sane brain kept me going.

All firsts are hard sober but the amount of achievement and proudness we feel to get through it more than makes up for the angst beforehand. have all your af drinks on hand, do not let others get your drinks and if it all becomes overwhelming remove yourself from the situation and breathe. Now i realise that in the early days we make mountains out of molehills but it does make us prepare for events that worry us.

You will look back on this xmas and wonder why you worried so much but keeping your quit as your number one priority is a must. There is no one worth drinking AT, there is no situation worth drinking AT. Today at 4 years sober i am so looking forward to spending time with the family who are so proud of me, they still all say "how the f#ck can anyone not drink any al for 4 years?". The answer is easy, i wanted to live and i am. I will remember everything tomorrow, i will drive there and home, i wont feel deprived, i do know that i will check on here as i do each and every day.

Have a lovely christmas and enjoy your day x

[Mr Vervill]

Re: Would appreciate hearing from some old timers in sobriety!

This will be my first sober Christmas, too. I'll be 7 mos. Jan 1. Thanks for all the thoughts, all. It helps to reaffirm my decision. That lost soul within, yes I know it well, and don't want to go back there.

[Kairos]

Re: Would appreciate hearing from some old timers in sobriety!

Thank you all for your valuable input The internet is groaning today and I'm having to reply on a small cellphone which is not ideal. I'd like to pick up on your comments but it'll have to wait till after Xmas Meanwhile happy Christmas to one and all I'm in a good mental place so bring it on �� I wish you all the joys of the season Kairos

[Kairos]

Re: Would appreciate hearing from some old timers in sobriety!

you for replying to my post Abcowboy. You are right. At 6 months sober I am already beginning to feel the freedom of not being chained to the first drink and have done for the last 3 months or so. It’s a difficult feeling to describe because rather than feel something positive you actually feel an absence of the slavery! Not until someone mentions it like you did that you recognise the wonder of that freedom.
Thank you for making me think about what makes sobriety right for me.
I guess it was just time.
I was sick of the same old same old promises to myself that I should really drink less. I was sick of the occasional bingeing which gave me horrible hangovers and stomach pains.
I was sick of lying to myself that I could control it anytime I wanted to. (those times were getting fewer and further between)
These and a whole lot of other reasons.
But the real reason that makes it right for me is that I want something better. I want my health back for the rest of my life. I want to eat better and exercise better and to be better for those around me and I want to enjoy life to the full without being chained to a form of highly addictive social poison.
Six months later I’d like to say it’s been a walk in the park but of course it’s not without its challenges. Number one issue has been my sleep pattern. It was bad when I was drinking but since I’ve stopped it’s gotten worse – though I might be beginning to see a slight improvement, less frequent awakenings in the night and more restful sleep when it eventually comes. I hope so at any rate. I also have massive sugar cravings which I’m working on. But at the end of the day I really don’t think going back to drinking will solve anything. In fact I know for sure that I won’t readily forget the hell of the insomnia I endured in the first 4 months or so. I’m not that big of a masochist that I want to repeat that again.

Mollyka, thanks. You guys with a few years under your belt are awesome- all the more so for hanging round with encouraging words for us newbies. This was my first sober Christmas so I didn’t know how it would go. I found Christmas Day quite pleasant though I think I would have liked to celebrate with a drink with my husband on Christmas eve to be honest. But I knew it would be stupid and reminded myself that I have already crossed to boundary line between being a social drinker and a dependent one and that I’d be back to being dependent in no time if I were to succumb. So I went to bed slightly unhappy but nothing I couldn’t handle. Christmas day was easier. We ate at my sons who has young kids and I enjoyed sharing their delight with their gifts and so on.

Pav, congratulations on 4 years. I hope to be there one day myself with grace. I am working on the absolute acceptance and I know that much as I’d like to think I have accepted the fact that I can never drink socially and safely again, I know there are probably layers of denial needing to be stripped away before I can say categorically admit that I am an alcoholic. Whether I am or not, it’s true that if I am to stay sober I will have to come to accept absolutely that my affair with alcohol is over and can never be repeated. (Now, when I type that there is no pain, whereas there used to be a bit of residual annoyance and maybe denial. I am now much more willing to accept the inevitable.)

Tabbers, I hope you had a good Christmas and are still on track for a sober New Year! Congratualtions.
Available and Mr Vervill, thanks so much for your input and congratulations on your sober time too.
I gotta run now as I need to catch some new years fireworks! Sober in charge of my camera of course!!! 

Happy New Year to everyone and take care. Hope to be around sor some time.

Kairos.

Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart.

[abcowboy]

Happy New Year to you as well [MENTION=18021]Kairos[/MENTION]! It would be so easy to sit back and pity ourselves, but being grateful for what sobriety has given us, and will continue to give us, is just a whole lot better in my book! And, I expect to see a few of those perfectly clear photos of the fireworks, not the shaky, out-of-focus ones your former self took! Enjoy an AF New Year's Eve!

[mollyka]

Re: Would appreciate hearing from some old timers in sobriety!

and you know Kairos - in your post there you made me remember - or maybe even realise for the first time - that my whole life has changed - it's subtle - it's not screaming from the rooftops different - but everything is so bloody different - and yes - there is the odd time over the years that I'm sure we've all thought 'wouldn't that be nice' - as the years go on those times get rarer and rarer until they really don't happen - but even if they did.. well a few minutes a year feeling 'deprived' against a lifetime of self respect, health, contentedness, relationships that actually function because people can trust me - no one talking about me behind my back.... all of that GONE... good god - there's no competition
Well done navigating it - and I promise next year will be way easier -- and a happy new year to you xxx