The Permissive Voice

[retteacher]

On the 30 day Abs forum, someone spoke about the "permissive voice." That's the one we allow to control us when we pick up a drink. I've also heard this called the inner addict. My "permissive voice" tells me:
-"Go ahead & have 1 or 2." (Problem is I usually have 7 - 10.)
-"If I have a drink, my obssessive thinking will be more under control." (Problem is that the drinking causes the obssessive thinking.)
-"If I have a drink, I'll feel more comfortable in this uncomfortable situation." (Problem is that I'll never learn how to really deal w/life.)
-"I deserve a drink to relax after all my stress." (Problem is drinking causes stress.)
-"Everyone else is drinking, so will I." (Problem is that others can stop at 2 - 3...not me.)
-"I'll have a drink in order to fall asleep." (Problem is that I won't have 1 & won't sleep deeply or well.)
Can anyone relate? What does your addictive, permissive voice tell you?
Mary

[beatle]

The Permissive Voice

Oh yeh, I can relate. A psychologist once called it "permissive thoughts" and had me write them down and the answers to them (just like you have). I think if you go through that exercise whenever you hear that voice, even if you can't convince yourself, you buy yourself time in which you might get over the impulse. In the end, there are actually some good reasons to drink (one or two drinks, that is), but no good reasons to overdrink and if we know from experience that that's what will happen, then there just can't be a first drink either. It sucks. (my permissive voice usually says "you've been AF for xx weeks, so you have it under control now, you can stop after just a couple.")

[uda]

The Permissive Voice

Oh god, yes Mary, I can totally relate! My permissive voice tells me all those things too and, because I tend to react very badly to guilt, it gets very cunning and actually makes me feel guilty for NOT drinking - never thought of that before, so thanks for the thread!

The guilt works something like this:
You're being really irritable/miserable today and this is making your family suffer. (Guilt, guilt, guilt). If you have a couple of drinks you'll be much nicer and easier to live with. (Total lie, of course - I won't have a couple of drinks and in the morning I'll feel even more guilty). As guilt almost invariably makes me want to get drunk to blot it out, it's a never-ending spiral.

I do find that identifying the 'voice' and arguing with it helps, though it can get very, very tiring too. Another thing I find helpful is to find out the feelings underlying that, e.g. the guilt, or fear of a social situation and to just accept that feeling. Both of these are much, much easier said than done (otherwise I wouldn't be here lol).

Take lots of care
Uli

[Guest]

The Permissive Voice

Permissive???...........more like Enslaving!!!

I too am well acquainted with my `permissive voice` Mary. Indeed, said voice is the Master of all deception, and it is so skilled that it has the ability to rewrite every event in my life, ( if I am fool enough to let it) to such an extent that it can find the tragedy in even my greatest joy, to `kindly` permit me to seek solace in drink.

Here`s to that voice becoming the merest of whispers............

Starlight Impress

[retteacher]

The Permissive Voice

Thank you everyone. Beatle: the few times I've had some AF under my belt, I've used the "I can control it" line on myself. I really like the idea of talking back to the voice. I've seen this technique many times both in my reading about alcoholism & here at MWO, but it's never quite clicked for me like it just has. Again my sincerest thanks, Mary

[Kitty]

The Permissive Voice

Mary I can relate,

Not feeling good right now, don't want to say much cause I've had a few drinks but God I really want to change. Tomorrow is a new day.

Hugs,

Kitty