My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

[available]

Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

great work on your days Grey. I dont think its age with you that caused the sprain but maybe you are doing more now than you did when you were drinking. Believe me things start to slowly go in your 50's.

How is your friend going?

Stay strong for the weekend, there is no need to drink. as you say the cravings are slowly going but i found that out of nowhere they used to pop up with "gay abandon" to try and derail you.

Glad your sleeping pattern is great. i had to say goodbye to my fur baby earlier in the week so my sleep is f####d but i am sure it will get better in time.

[greysquirrel]

Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

Day 13 another day sober. Sleeping through the night pretty well. I have the occasional weird dream though on the topamax. More like a frustrated/angry dreams I guess. I've read other threads were people experience similar things. Since topa works on the neurotransmitters and the mid-brain where addictions live, maybe they are manifesting through my dreams instead of showing up as cravings during my waking hours? Hell I'll take it. Cravings still come and go, but it feels like they are loosing their grip on me little by little (I mean little by little). This isn't a magic pill. I still have to work through the cravings and I still have to say no. But I do feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel and this time the light is not a train! I kid, I kid.

Welp I have my biggest challenge actually coming up next week in fact. My parents, without my consent decided to book me a vacation flight to the highlands of Jalisco Mexico. Awesome you say. No, not if you are trying to stop drinking. There will be a week long fiesta going on, which I was specifically planning on avoiding for months now. I avoided the subject with my parents as they continually kept asking if I bought my ticket yet and I kept telling them I'll look later. Well, they said surprise! All of my family is going, including my extended family, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends (who live there) etc... There will be bottles of alcohol, live bands, beer, huge carnival, etc... Oh and my parents house is right smack in front of the town plaza where everything will be held. I'm going to do my best to keep it to a min. FML.

FYI, For got to mention I almost had alcohol poisoning one year from drinking too much at this thing.

-GS

[greysquirrel]

Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

Hi Available. Yea, I think the sprain was more me pushing myself with all the free time than anything else. I do feel much better physically. Hard to believe how quickly I'm healing too. I guess the bright side it has given me a excuse to get out of drinking with the co-workers at the bar in lobby. Soft tissue injury + alcohol = grapefruit knee :egad:

My buddy is still a bit out of sorts. Talked to him earlier this week. He was already going down the road of whole death with dignity out in Oregon thing. Anyway, I looked up what he had and the survival rate is like 99%. Especially at our age. I think he's maybe going through a phase. Our other buddy, who has had brain tumors removed (had another removed this week) may be weighing on him as well. It's a lot to take. All I can do is hope for the best for the both of them.

Sorry to hear about the pet. That can be heart wrenching, I know the feeling. Take care.

-GS

[available]

Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

Wow Grey you are being thrown in the deep end of party mode arent you? You may need every excuse under the sun to refuse drinks in that scenario. I went to thailand when i was sober nearly 100 days and it was hell on wheels. that place has al everywhere you look so i looked at the sky a lot which was the only place not serving. take yourself off for walks, say you need to exercise that knee and you can only try your best. take a bus tour somewhere, when everyone drinks enough al they wont miss you!

The positive is you will see your family and maybe you can get someone on your side to be your backup. its very hard but remember you are the priority in all of this, this is your life you are protecting and we only have the one life in us. The only person you need to look after is you.

You friends thinking would be going in overdrive at the moment. we always seem to think the worst and moreso with al in us. Turn his negatives into positives for him so for every negative he says just give him a positive. Hopefully after talking more to the medical people his mind will be more at ease.

My fur baby loved me unconditionally and for that i am thankful. i have a 15 year old fur baby and she is so sad and depressed atm so we are going for a drive today, she loves drives and hopefully will start eating soon and being the girl she was.

keep up the good work.

[greysquirrel]

Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

Day 14, another day in the books. Went smoothly, no major issues to speak of. Things seem to rolling this past week, maybe (hopefully) I'm getting used to this new life. I do feel 10 times better physically and mentally; I'm laughing and joking around a lot more like I used to back in the day. Went clothes shopping today (for the vaca) which is a PITA, you know the shopping, crowds, lines, and having to make decisions. Lol, kidding, mostly. Anyhow I was driving and I did have some flashback or whatever from when I was in my early twenties before I was a habitual drinker and I just thought to myself, hmm, this is what it was like being sober and doing every day normal stuff like I used to. Past up a bar where just a year or two ago, I definitely would have stopped for at least a few, quiet possible many and some shots. But I barely even gave it a thought. I'm rambling, all was good today.

Hi Available, so my cousin, his wife, and new baby are going with us (they don't really drink much to begin with) so I may stick closer to them. I hope your other little one feels better soon. I know its not much comfort right now, but time will help heal. Thanks for the support and take care.

-GS

P.S. Amazon has ruined shopping, there is nothing on store shelves anymore. We will not survive a zombie apocalypse this way unfortunately.:sad:

[greysquirrel]

Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

Day 15, I think, man starting to loose track of the days. Maybe that's a good thing since I'm not constantly thinking about the last time I had a beer. Ended up watching Molly's game last night. Awesome movie BTW, but I could definitely see myself as an addicted gambler or Molly who was the enabler/addicted manipulator as well. Intense movie, made me think about one of the many "twigs" that brought me here. The Winston Churchill quote "Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm" was a nice touch at the end.

-GS

[greysquirrel]

Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

Day 16, still going strong. Very little to report, busy day today.

[available]

Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

hey Grey, great work on day 16. when is the big holiday?
i had a chuckle about the zombie apocalypse. we cant buy anything off Amazon now from the USA, we have an Aussie Amazon which is useless. i am more of an ebay girl really.
I will have to look up Molly's Game and see what its about. When i watch a movie with my SO he always asks if i have seen it before and i always say probably. Drinking sucked all recollection of movies. normally i was on my first or second drink when the movie started and blacked out towards the middle. The positive is every movie seems like the first time i have seen it.

Great work, keep it up

[Pavati]

Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

Hi, GS--

That fiesta sounds like a BIG challenge. I remember Rahul going to India in the middle of his first few months sober. He wrote this description of swimming in the Indian Ocean durning Happy Hour, and it always stuck with me. What a better thing to do?? I had a giant family reunion early on in my sobriety. There were so many people that no one asked what was in my glass ever. It wasn't until the last day when I instigated a dance party that my family found out I wasn't drinking. Someone said "I guess Pav's had some wine," and my sister said, "no, she's not drinking!"

I recommend booking yourself massages, eating all you want, and sticking close to that toddler. You GOT this!

Pav

PS - You can always head to your room early and claim the touristas...

[available]

Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

Hey Grey, how are things going?

[greysquirrel]

Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

Time to update this thread. Been about 3 weeks. Jeez. I did end up drinking.

Ugly: Lost my close friend who had been battling cancer for close to 3 years. Not to cancer, he beat it, but to a seizure. I'll spear you the details, but lost my shit for a few days and it got ugly.

Bad: Been crazy busy between vacation and work. Did drink on vacation, so surprised, not. Man I really wish I didn't go. In the end the temptation was too strong and I didn't have the right support around me. Again my parents were like, "why don't you just stop blah, blah, blah". To which my response was I was just about a month clean . My brother (really, really bad drinker) didn't help. Also, more stuff at work but whatever.

Good: Ready to get back on the old horse (already have a few days under my belt). And no, I'm not feeling sorry. I'm of the mindset you have to own up to what do. Good or bad. Sometimes you loose relationships because of it, sometimes you get respect.

[available]

Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

hi Grey and welcome back. As us oldies all gather when someone goes off MWO they are normally off drinking but so glad to see you back and on board.

Sorry to hear about your friends death due to a seizure. if we dont have the tools to deal with stress we will revert to what we know best to do and that is drinking.

Oh the vacation from hell by the sounds of it. i used to drink AT a lot of people but at the end of the day the only person it ever hurt was me. Even the other day if i was a drinker i would have had a great excuse to drink AT a coworker but i know now she is not worth my time or energy or life on. Instead i told her how i felt and i was done with her behaviour, something i would not have done if i drank.

Glad you are back, at the end of the day it is your choice on whether you drink or not, it is a long process and life doesnt change immediately when we stop, we learn more so that when crap things happen we know how to deal with them.

how is your other friend who was diagnosed with cancer?

[Rava]

Re: My way out journey - the greysquirrel version

Hi [MENTION=321]Grey[/MENTION]squirrel, I’m and newbie here and have 13 days sober. I have been sober before for years at a time but this last bout of drinking has been hard to quit. I am also not feeling sorry for myself. Its a matter of making up your mind and stop giving into temptation. (Easier said than done.) I’m glad you are here. I’m sorry about your friend. Looking forward to getting to know you on this website. Happy 4th of July.