cant get back

[chilli]

Hi every one,
love to reply to you all, but i have taken every shift offered at work so i am not here, so have to get ready in a moment. Thanks for your support, think i have really fallen hard this time, really disapointed myself,
Had another girlfriend ring and tell me to stop being so negative (wish it was that easy) she said she is sending me the book the seceret any one heard of it, told her that i was doing this etc, by the time she had finished telling me how she had been trying to tell me for years that basicly i was a looser,(not quite those words)and how i should not envolve my kids in this process (which i have already done) I felt like complete shit and could not concentrate enought to listen to my cds, so i have been crying reading all your posts. Why do people feel that they have to remind you that you are distroying your childrens lives and your own, dont they think i know that, thats why iam here, god i just wanted to get off the phone and neck myself, whats the bloody point i tell people that iam trying to do something and they still wont shut up.
She said get out and do something, do a coarse or something, god i am a single mum with two children, working heaps of hours trying to keep a house going and stop my self from sliding into ablivioun when would i get time for a bloody coarse(oh i know the time i waste drinking) day three seems harder now i have failed once i have lost a bit of the buzz that this is what is going to save me.
chilli

[buffy]

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Hi Chilli, I am so sorry that your friend is so insensitive...I was complaining to my husband one day about some of my friends and their thoughlessness, and he said"time to get some new friends"..I thought that was pretty good advice and have eliminated alot of bad apples from my life. Sometimes they are trying to help but if it upsets you you need to let them know. That is hard to do too. Don't let them get you down. You are probably a nice person and I think some people think it is safe for them to critisize those of us that are kind because they know we won't stick up for ourselves...it used to happen to me alot...I got fed up with it and now make sure I am heard. Take care of yourself....Buffy

[rottrod]

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Chilli,
You are not a loser. You have made some bad choices and they have put you in an unfortunate spot. But, you made a good one when you came here. It's not a quick fix easy answer but it is a way to beat this problem for many of us. It will take some time though.

It may be time to do some house cleaning of some of the people in your life. It's difficult, but sometimes some of the people in our circle are a habit just like other things. A therapist told me once, you can't allow people to take advantage of you or make you feel bad about yourself and then get mad at them for it. So I decided to surround myself only with the friends who were uplifting and supportive. At that time in my life it was the best thing I could have possibly done. I got better.

I'm not familiar with the book you mentioned but I'm sure Nancy is, you might PM her about it.

Keep close to the sight and when you are feeling bad just post someone will be along to help.

Melissa

[Change]

cant get back

Hi chilli,

Just keep going.

I love your signature by the way!

[nancy]

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with friends like that....

It sounds like your friend is trying to help but insulting you in the process. I think some people believe in tough love-- it's like a slap in the face. They want you to stop wallowing and just do something to dig yourself out of the hole. I personally don't respond to it, I prefer compassion and a non-judgemental approach. Did she actually call you a loser or did she say something you interpreted as her calling you a loser? what context did that comment come in? maybe you are feeling so bad about yourself that you are misinterpreting her comments?

Some of her suggestions sound helpful. A course in something you are passionate about would be great, though as you said this may be an impractical suggestion because you are a single mother.

The Secret sounds intriguing, so take her up on that. I haven't read it myself but some members have posted about it in the past.

Here is a link to it:
[ame=http://www.amazon.com/Secret-Rhonda-Byrne/dp/1582701709/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/103-5406707-3119800?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1182142382&sr=8-2]Amazon.com: The Secret: Books: Rhonda Byrne[/ame]

A friend of mine said it is about positive thinking-- framing change in the positive rather than negative light. I don't know too much more about it. But hey a free book! go for it...

This seems like a bit of a fad to me but I must admit I am interested in looking into it at least in passing. I think there is a Secret website.

I think when you are in the throes of a drinking problem the last thing you feel is positive. I think you can feel positive about this MWO website. Keep an open mind about what might help you and start moving into the light. To do that, you need to give yourself lots of reassurance and patience. Try everything until you start to make good changes for yourself and your children.

By the way, you sound very depressed. And if you didn't already have depressive tendencies, there are a lot of things about alcohol that physically destroy your ability to feel good and be positive. I would advise taking complete nutritional supplements as a start. And you might want to read Seven Steps to Sobriety links on this website to see how alcohol affects your mental well being. A psychologist once told me that a person with depression often sees everything in a dark light, when the reality can often be quite different. Therefore, comments are construed in a negative light. Self perception is bad. You can pull yourself out of this with some help from the right specialists and some camaraderie on this website.

[Guest]

cant get back

Chilli,
Don`t ever allow anyone to upset you to this extent. Perhaps your friend is being so hard on you because she genuinely cares about you and your kids, but we, as alcoholics are forever putting ourselves down and berating ourselves for our addiction, so the last thing we need is a lecture from others.

We`ve all made mistakes Chilli, and that includes your friend. You should be proud of yourself for all the hours you`re working to help your children. You should be even more proud of yourself for admitting you have a problem with the booze, because admitting it is truly the first step to recovering.

Don`t ever let anyone put you down - you are a good mum, which is why God has led you to M.W.O., because here you have friends who will not judge, where many of us are devoted mums, albeit with a drink problem.

You can beat the booze Chilli. We`re all rooting for you.

Best wishes,

Starlight Impress

[SKendall]

cant get back

Chilli, I can't add any more advice than those who have gone before me.

Take it one step at a time, right foot, left foot. Breathe deeply. We can't reconstruct the past, but we can plan for a future.

Good Luck to you.

[rachel28]

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just like to echo what the others have said, i wish i could say irt as wisely as the others but, u dont need people telling you what you already know do you, if you didnt know about your problem u would not off gotten this far to sorting it out, prove your friend wrong, in your own time, u know in your heart your a good mum, im sure you are you sound like you r to me, i can sympathise i was a single mum up untill 3 yrs ago, i know its hard, but yooucan do it xxxxxxxxxxxx

[hart]

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(((Chilli)))

Hon, okay you made some bad choices....who hasn't? It's not like you can't turn this around. As everyone else said if a person is negative tell them or get them out of your life. You don't need kicking when your down. This will turn around I think it will happen faster w/o the alcohol.

I have been making bad choices too. And as another MWOer said, we both made a good choice coming here.

I'm not drinking this week, wanna join me?

[ducky]

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Chilli,

Sorry you are feeling so down. Please try to have a little compassion for yourself. I just read The Secret and really enjoyed it. I can't take it to the level the author does, but I think there are a lot of good messages in the book. It is about the law of attraction and how if you think positive thoughts you attract positive thoughts and outcomes, and vice versa. I personally am guilty of looking at the not so bright side so I am trying to take this to heart.

You have lots of friends on this site; that is obvious. I agree with the others -- try to surround yourself with friends who can help, not with those who make you feel worse.

Hugs.

[beatle]

cant get back

With friends like those, who needs enemies?

No, but really. Even if your friend sincerely wants to help you, reminding you of the bad things is not what you need (I don't think people without alcohol problems have any idea how much guilt we have, how much we kick ourselves already. Seriously, when I came out about it to my family, one of them said "So that's what you've been doing-- partying all this time while we were feeling sorry for you".)

Ok, back to you. You need to get some positive vibes going. You have recognized the problem and now you have to do something about it. time to take the next step, whatever that is (you decide)-- and keep taking the next step. You gotta ignore well-meant but destructive advice. like water off a ducks back, ok? Get your positive vibes here and look ahead, not behind. Huh! Wish I took that advice many years ago, but shit... face the future. Hah! I sound like some kind of bootcamp hippie. anyway, I won't go back and read this cause then I won't send it. Just remember to keep coming here to get positive. We understand.

[Cinders]

cant get back

True Friends

Chilli,

A common thread throughout these posts is that you need to only accept friends that are supportive and NOT destructive to your healing.

I know you feel you are alone a lot, I remember that from previous threads, but that is better than being around those who want to destruct any progress you make, no matter how well meaning.

If you need in the person friends, find a support group in your area and remember you have friends here 24/7.

You are taking the right steps, which shows you are not only a good person but one that is taking the right steps to do the right thing.

Sit back, reflect, decide what your next POSITIVE steps are, and go for it.

Remember, the only true failure is when you just give up for good.

You have lots of caring people here who are rooting for you!!

Cindi

[sammys]

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Hey Chili, you know you have my favorite member name cause I love Chili. I had to actually stop talking to someone I at one time considered my best friend. Once I stepped back from listening to her and confiding in her I realized she was so needy and never let anything be even just for the day. I has been a long while since I have spoken to her and I tell you what I do not miss it one bit. I really think that all the butting in like she is doing is not good. You do for yourself and your kids what you think will work, she should be a good listener and if that is not something she can do for you than distance yourself for a while and see how you feel.

Sammys

[chilli]

cant get back

I told her

Hi Guys
Thanks for the support i feel better today, a little battle scared, but still here, just sent my girlfriend a message telling her that she upset me and made me feel like i cant do anything right. She sent back that was not he intention that she just cares, I said i know you care , hope she doesnt hate me, but you guys are right either tell her or move on(i figured i better tell her dont have to many friends to move on)ha ha.
I know i am depressed really trying to overcome that, but every time i start to pick myself up something happens to knock me down again, and when you have know one to turn to, i have been going to a shink, but it costs a fortune and my daughter needs it more at the moment so i can only pay for her. I am slowly uping my antidepressants so i hope that starts to help. I will make this, and keep posting every day, havent been to good at the advice or answering anyone elses but i really dont think i can help anyone much, and i have been working so much started at 8am-11am have to go back an 3pm-9pm long day and inbetween i have to cook dinner, do house work, shopping, pets ,kids etc etc really hard to stay positive (but iam trying , at least iam to stuffed to lift a glass).
love you all till tommorrow, pray for me,and i will pray for you chilli