New here and scared

[murph54]

I am new here, and want to be sober. I was only a social drinker, but about five years ago, things were horrible at work so I would come home and have a glass of wine. Gradually progressed to several, then a whole bottle. After a forced “retirement” three years ago, it just got worse. I drank every day, got drunk, passed out. Started avoiding socializing, so I could stay home and drink. There are lots of other things that are upsetting. For decades, I have been the outcast of my family. For decades, my daughter either treats me like crap or ignores despite the fact I raised her by myself and did everything for her. She is very successful and seems to forget how much I sacrificed for her. This is so,hurtful. When I express my feelings, I am mocked. Some parts of my life are good, but mostly I am sad

[abcowboy]

Welcome to MWO [MENTION=24381]murph54[/MENTION]! Your story sounds oh so familiar, but you have the opportunity to change how your story progresses from here. Most newcomers start out in the Newbie's Nest, but read around and join in wherever you feel comfortable. You have to change yourself first, and you'll be amazed how other's attitudes will change about you. And if they don't come around, it won't matter because you'll have a whole new attitude about them as well. Long term sobriety isn't easy, but it's so worth it! The help and support you receive can be a lifesaver, so be active here, take what helps you, and leave the rest. Congratulations for starting on a whole new life for yourself!

[Slo]

Re: New here and scared

Welcome, [MENTION=24381]murph54[/MENTION]! Yes, those are definitely the things that we drink over, and that then puts us on the slippery slope. Congratulations on making the wise decision to get off the slippery slope now, rather than continuing on further only to crash at the bottom. We are happy to have you here in our like-minded company!

[Matt M.]

Re: New here and scared

Welcome murph- asking for help and guidance from complete strangers is a huge step. Good thing is that you will find you are amongst strangers no more.
Along the same lines as Cowboy stated- all the issues and problems you mentioned can be dealt with in due time. First thing first- don't drink no matter what and no matter what don't drink. As days turn into weeks you'll be amazed at the mental clarity gained in such a short time.
2- stay connected to a support group, accountability, interact and share. I promise you your not an anomaly when it comes to Alcohol related issues.
I spent many years abusing Alcohol and creating a path of destruction, so it takes time to mend and repair our people and or things.
I never imagined a day or a life without Alcohol, now I can honestly say I can't imagine a day with it.
To this day if the thought of drink comes to mind, I play that drink out in my head over the next 24-72 hours it always ends the same. It has become muscle memory for me to do this.
Alcohol is poison, perfectly packaged poison.

Stay Hard and keep coming back

[satz123]

Re: New here and scared

Hi Murph
With a name like that there has to be an Irish connection ... ?
All I can say is trust those who have posted here to help you ... they know what they are talking about. I know for a fact Cowboy would take you under his wing if you trust him and know what he says is true .... then you are alone no more.

You will gain back self respect and that will have the knock on effect of others respecting you. No-one trusts an active alcoholic - they cannot be sure what we say is true or just shit talk and eventually stop listening to us.

I too always "play that drink out in my head over the next 24-72 hours it always ends the same" and that one trick has helped me stay sober for 6 years. Because I KNOW one drink will never satisfy me - so why bother.

[Pavati]

Re: New here and scared

Hi, Murph--

Are you still around? I echo what everyone else says. Taking care of yourself will allow you to see and engage with everyone else with a clear head. What happened to me was that I was also able to see my part in scenarios that I had blamed others for - very humbling.

I hope you're still committed to quitting - let us know how we can help.

Pavati

[murph54]

Re: New here and scared

Thank you. I am going to start with the recommended Newbie Nest...hopefully I can figure out how to navigate this site.

[murph54]

Re: New here and scared

Thank you. Heading to the recommended Newbies Nest.

[murph54]

Re: New here and scared

Thank you. Exactly. I say I will have “just one” glass of wine and before I know it, the bottle is gone and the evening is shot. I need to be sober

[Slo]

Re: New here and scared

Thank you. Exactly. I say I will have “just one” glass of wine and before I know it, the bottle is gone and the evening is shot. I need to be sober

That’s exactly it!! And I used to think that a “WHOLE bottle” of wine was pretty big! They got pretty small to me by the end.

[4theboyz]

Re: New here and scared

Hey there Murph, we have all been there and nothing to fear in sobriety. Fear is what drove us to drink, sobriety gives us the strength and opportunity to finally put those fears to rest. Plenty of help along the way...you just have to ask is all it takes.

[abcowboy]

I can’t speak to your situation [MENTION=24381]murph54[/MENTION], but I can tell you about mine. When I was drinking, I couldn’t wait for the next function or party or even just to get together with a few drinking buddies because I enjoyed being the life of the party! I could make people laugh, got involved in all the conversations, and expected to be invited to everything. I called them my friends, but they were really only drinking buddies, very seldom got together or communicated outside of drinking together. To be honest, I don’t have a lot of friends, only acquaintances, and if we have to drink when we get together, then I don’t really need them at all. As far as family goes, I have one younger brother left alive and he lives a 7 hour drive away from me. My 3 daughters all live quite far away, just my son that’s living close by. So it’s basically myself, my wife, and my dog in my day to day living.

I’ve really changed since getting sober. Where I used to always be out drinking and partying, I now prefer to stay at home with a good book. I don’t need to be the life of the party anymore. As a matter of fact, when we do go out, I tend to sit back and listen more, joining in the conversation when I have something to add.

There’s an old saying out there; You shouldn’t care what other people think about you because it’s none of your business. Yet, when I was drinking, what other people thought and said about me was so important. Not any more. What’s important to me at the end of the day is did I treat everyone I encountered with respect? Do my wife and kids know how much I love them? And can I go to sleep knowing I did the best I could that day? That’s all that really matters…

And huge congrats on 13 days! You’re growing your sober muscles, keep fighting and keep growing in your sobriety...

[Pavati]

Re: New here and scared

There’s an old saying out there; You shouldn’t care what other people think about you because it’s none of your business. Yet, when I was drinking, what other people thought and said about me was so important. Not any more. What’s important to me at the end of the day is did I treat everyone I encountered with respect? Do my wife and kids know how much I love them? And can I go to sleep knowing I did the best I could that day? That’s all that really matters…

Yes, Cowboy! This is true for me. I have confidence and contentment that allow me not to care.

Hope you're doing well, Murph!

Pav

[laura29]

Re: New here and scared

I used to think 4 glasses of wine was a lot. now I think if I can only drink 4 glasses of wine a night, I don't have a problem! it really does pick up where it left off. I am starting back. I am committed. I will take any kind of help.

[NoSugar]

Re: New here and scared

,,Hi, [MENTION=24387]laura29[/MENTION]. Our sense of volume really gets screwed up, doesn’t it? I can’t imagine drinking 4 glasses of anything now but it used to be no problem with wine.
You’d be welcome to pop over to the Newbies Nest (https://www.mywayout.org/community/j...ml#post1766028) and introduce yourself. That is a busy thread with a lot of support from people who understand and don’t judge.
:welcome: