How does one purge the Guilt and Shame

[Rahulthesweet]

I am now 7 year plus sober how ever when I look inside me I feel man a time I still have the past feelings of guilt and shame within me. So question is how do we addicts get rid of this shame and guilt from all the actions and stuff we did while we were drinking. I know how my relationships suffer, how i used to drink and drive, lie, cheat and did all sorts of stuff which I am not very proud of.

Many a time I feel it would be so good to talk and share about all that I went thru ... just talk and take it out. I guess in AA they may you do that in their ... but I am in AA.

So the questions is does it makes you a better and relieved person if you can just purge these emotions out ? Is it even possible to forget all that what I did ?

I recall during my 1st year of Sobriety I was so active here. Used to come here every day, spends hours reading, posting. Every post helped me to purge. It was like me standing on stage and screaming with all that pain ... the more I posted the more relieved I felt.

Covid has made people more lonely, aloof but that does not apply to me. I have always been aloof and have been a loner. With my family and wife i dont share.... why I really dont know I guess thats me. Do I share with other ? no ... I dont have "friends" used to make lot of beer buddies but no friends.

So how does one purge all the deep stuff of what I am proud of ... w

Any thoughts I feel this will really help in long term sobriety and recovery.

Rahul

[available]

Re: How does one purge the Guilt and Shame

Rahul, its always lovely to see you post. I see a psychologist and know that i can tell her anything and everything about my drinking, my life before sobriety and now. Be proud of who you have become. We cannot change the past or the person we were then but i am so proud of who i have become and what i have achieved. You have become the best person becoming sober to your family, remember a lot of people dont embrace sobriety and put loved ones through misery each and every day. You, Rahul, have made a new life for yourself, dont dwell on the past, accept it for what it is, the past.

[Guitarista]

Re: How does one purge the Guilt and Shame

I recall during my 1st year of Sobriety I was so active here. Used to come here every day, spends hours reading, posting. Every post helped me to purge. It was like me standing on stage and screaming with all that pain ... the more I posted the more relieved I felt.

Good to see you Rahul and great topic. If u feel better letting inner thoughts and feelings out, then keep doing it. Ava mentions one way, with a psychologist/counsellor. Another way is journalling/writing your thoughts out daily in a journal that u can either keep daily or destroy after you've written. I aim for release of what bothers me. Every day my target is to release negative memories and energy. I try for this along with daily writing of my thoughts in a journal, i think it helps to release the past. But first.....it was important for me to stop and acknowledge any guilt or shame and look it in the eye with compassion and give it some time to let those feelings wash through me and do not attach to them or give them too much attention. I try to leave them alone to pass through me, and they do - like clouds in the sky. What i resist persists, So my daily aim is to let it go, release it all to the universe and keep growing into the best man i can be today. With this as my daily target, life is improving slowly with practice. I also try to treat myself with kindness.

Better out than in i reckon. Safe travels bro.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Re: How does one purge the Guilt and Shame

Hi Rahul, for me life is far too short for regrets. The man I was when I was in the throws of an active addiction is not the man I have become, the man I am today. If I do look back at the dark days then it is with kindness, compassion and forgiveness for the man I was. When consumed in even small quantities alcohol changes the way our brains’ chemistry works, this doesn’t give us a free pass but it is a fact. Nobody’s ever wanted to grow up to become an addict and if was easy to stop forum like this or AA wouldn’t exist. You ask is it possible to forget? I don’t want to, I need to remember what it was like for the day I forget is the day I could pick up a drink again, so I have to learn to live with whatever has passed, but I have learned not to poke it with a stick. Be kind to yourself, you are worth it.

[Mulburry]

Re: How does one purge the Guilt and Shame

Hi Rahul, for me life is far too short for regrets.

This is so true, especially if your faced with health issues / you own mortality, all those things you're ashamed of (past and present) become relatively insignificant; what does any of that matter if you're 6 feet under the ground? Of course, sustaining that mindset is always easier said than done.

[NoSugar]

Re: How does one purge the Guilt and Shame

Rahul, I'd encourage you to let your family and friends see the thoughtful, sensitive, loving man you are able to reveal here with the protection of anonymity. This distance and aloofness you feel comes from not being willing to risk being vulnerable in your offline life. It is HARD to do but I think it is the only way to truly connect, live with your loved ones in the present, and let go of the past. Take the risk and let them know the Rahul we know and love. xx