Army June 22

[satz123]

Re: Army June 22

No one got help from the state unless they were literally destitute...now that's not right either but the expectation that everyone should get a home and an income from the state in a time of full employment???? Give me a break.

That's exactly it in a nutshell. It's always what are 'they' going to do about it.

We always over-compensate in this country.
From locking babies & their mothers up with evil nuns & throwing away the key to I recently heard about a single mother of SIX kids complaining - seriously ??
Of course she wanted to know what 'they' are going to do about her plight ....

I sound like a right biddy but it annoys the life out of me - as Molls says the 'sense of entitlement' is ridiculous.
Even YS already living off the state - when HE decides HE wants to talk to one of the treatment centres is highly indignant when they say they'll take a messages & ring him back.
But then again I suppose that is part of the problem with addiction - 'instant gratification' ?
Want it - want it now.

[lifechange]

Re: Army June 22

hi Army,

late check in for me.. am trying not to melt in our 36° weather..
very good to read here..
i'm chipping away odat, which is so far so good.. it helps to be a part of this busy, thoughtful group.. thank you..
lovely, Stirly, with regards to your son.. can't wait for my girls to be proud of me.. it think even next week at 30 days they will be, tbh.. haven't had that in 1.5 years!

hugs to you all..xx

[satz123]

Re: Army June 22

She'd had a rough night with him wanting fed every 10 minutes.

:egad:
I suppose that was all fine & dandy when women weren't expected to do anything else. Cave-woman just had babies, fed them & that was that :haha:
Nature hasn't caught up with what's expected of modern women.
Flip back into a size 10 : great job; immaculate house ; and a host of other worries & expectations piled on them by media ..........

[mollyka]

Re: Army June 22

Evening all...back to my 'connected' bedroom...I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks like that...I'm sure I've told this before but a daddy of one of the boys Joey played football with...so this would be mebbe 15 years ago..he was from Donegal (a very poor part of Ireland up to about 20-30 years ago)...when he was 13 his folks put him on a boat to Scotland cos they heard 'there was work over there'....no one at the time thought anything of it...nowadays a 13 Yr old can hardly get a bus to school...(BTW I wouldn't recommend the boat to Scotland...but maybe something in the middle???)

It is torrential rain here today and poor Joe got delivery of his ride-on mower...he's gagging to have a go!!!
Lovely when the family acknowledge it Stirly..and yes Elsie...you should and your family should be very proud of 30 days. I think the first 30 days can be harder than the next 5 years altogether...its getting your mind WANTING this...wanting it so damn much that NO MATTER WHAT...'I will not drink':heartbeat:

[satz123]

Re: Army June 22

I see that bloody Reid fella 'resigned' !
Fell or was pushed ? Bet he gets a huge payout.
He was the highest earner in the Public Service for 3 years and things only got worse.
Dopey Donnelly will be next.
It's such a bloody old boys club. They are all jumping ship. The Health Service is in the shits and they are running away.

How could he take that money when the Health Service in our so called affluent society is broken.
An elderly person will wait in pain in A&E for up to 12 hours to be seen by a doctor - and that's if you are really sick....

My sister was taken to hospital A&E in the Mater last week rolling around in pain.
She was triaged & then left to sit for 10 hours telling her it was only a kidney infection. She said the pain eased a bit & she just went him.

She has private health Insurance & next day just waltzed into a Private Hospital and was scanned straight away.
She has a large kidney stone --- it is too big to be passed so they have to zap it....... ouch !

Sorry I'm a bit of a Moany Minny today. I need to detach from all this bad news.

[lifechange]

Re: Army June 22

Morning Army,

quick fly by once again on my way to work.. coffee hasn't quite sunk in yet.

Satz, that sounds like a nightmare with your sister! glad she could get seen and diagnosed/helped.. yes, what a terrible system.. let's not get started on the one in the U.S...
Molly, i DO want this.. but i have to continue to be vigilant, aware and awake.. this morning i feel off, but i know it will pass soon.. the growing habit of coming here each morning and afternoon/evening is helping to keep my head in the game.. i know in the past, i've literally just forgotten sometimes, that i don't want to drink.. crazy.

hope the rain stops for a bit today so the mower can be taken for a spin!!:happy2:

have a nice Tuesday, all!!

[stirly-girly]

Re: Army June 22

hi Army,

late check in for me.. am trying not to melt in our 36° weather..
very good to read here..
i'm chipping away odat, which is so far so good.. it helps to be a part of this busy, thoughtful group.. thank you..
lovely, Stirly, with regards to your son.. can't wait for my girls to be proud of me.. it think even next week at 30 days they will be, tbh.. haven't had that in 1.5 years!

hugs to you all..xx

Good morning Army!!!

Elsie - that is fantastic! 30 days is really the first big mile-stone and it feels so great to have a whole month AL free!! I don't mean to be flippant but for me it is a matter of mind-set. I don't drink. Period. I guess maybe it was easier for me because I got absolutely no enjoyment or kick or anything out of drinking the last few months. Absolutely loathed it and hated what it was doing to me and my life. I think once the rose-coloured glasses come off and we see for real what AL robs us of, it is much easier to accept that we aren't depriving ourselves of anything but rather giving ourselves the gift of sobriety. And yes, your girls will be proud, but most important - YOU will be.

My younger granddaughter nursed every hour for the first six months. Her mother literally slept with her in her arms so as not to have to get out of bed. And I agree about what is expected of new mothers these days. Perfect figure, perfect hair, perfect nails one week after giving birth. (They're supposed to have help for all the mundane household chores, etc.) Unfortunately, our new standards have been set by people who admire/follow/obsess on celebrities who have a personal trainer, hairdresser, and make-up artist on call 24-7 to make them look like a million shortly after the baby is born. Can't just relax and enjoy the babe - have to do all the other shite.

Unfortunately, the health care system in Canada is the pits as well. 90 years old, triaged and sitting in the Emergency waiting room for 8 hours while you are in pain and the parking metre is running at 15+ $$ per hour. A big chunk of your pension gone in one day. And don't expect to see an expert in the near future - waiting list up to 2 years. Even to get a family doctor, you have to wait a year to be "accepted". Crikey. Give me Greece any day.

Time to get to work, Troopers.

Make it the best day you can!!!!!

[satz123]

Re: Army June 22

Morning campers.
Awake WAY TOO early again.
Still ticking along chez Satz.

YS has all of 3 weeks sober & has been offered a job in the Media Dept. of a University in a different city.
I have advised against it and he is torn.

• Wants to move on and get a job because he feels it will get impossible if left too long.

• But also knows that living alone & working in a strange City are both a huge threat to his sobriety.

I pulled no punches and said he had better weigh up the pros & cons very carefully that he can not boomerang back here if he relapses again.
The hostel / rehab / restaurant & bank of Mam & Dad are closed.

I will have a longer conversation today and outline EXACTLY how bad his drinking has become , maybe the video again and ask how he intends maintaining his early-days sobriety when he is accountable to no-one.

i know in the past, i've literally just forgotten sometimes, that i don't want to drink.. crazy.

[MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION] I get that and he is an expert at forgetting I'm afraid.
He is doing all the right things at the moment AA, a new online counsellor etc. But their advice is useless because they do not know his history as we do.
They have, I suspect, a sanitized version of what he remembers or chooses to tell them out of shame.
Would they say "go ahead - a new start" if they knew the FULL facts of his drinking of late?

Whatever decision he makes - I will continue to remind him of the last 10 years which culminated in the last 3 months of hell for us.

Advice needed : is this the right thing to do? To constantly remind him how bad he was?
Will that just depress him & make him lose all hope ?

[rustop59]

Re: Army June 22

He is doing all the right things at the moment AA, a new online counsellor etc. But their advice is useless because they do not know his history as we do.
They have, I suspect, a sanitized version of what he remembers or chooses to tell them out of shame.
Would they say "go ahead - a new start" if they knew the FULL facts of his drinking of late?

Good morning everyone

Quick check in before I fly off to work. Think you answered yourself above Satz. If this was early days, then yes but after last time, personally I think you are right. Just my two cents worth.

Horrible morning here, no walk for the doggies. Better get my skates on. Waves to everyone else.

[satz123]

Re: Army June 22

[MENTION=21602]abcowboy[/MENTION] I love this

Friendship is not about how many friends you have or who you've known the longest. It's about who walked into your life, said "I'm here for you", and proved it.

My MWO friends are:

The ones who celebrate good news with me and are there to listen when I have a moany day.
The ones who have stayed put and been there through the worst & best of times.
The ones that I love to 'talk' to each day.
The ones who give invaluable advice & never judge.
The ones who know more about me and how I think than anyone else does.

I'd go so far as to say the 'real life' friends in my life come & go depending on where we meet and how long that circumstance lasts.
This sounds horrible but I believe that people come into our lives at various times for various reasons to teach us something, we learn from each other but I think most of these 'friendships' are transient.
But I think that maybe just me?

[mollyka]

Re: Army June 22

Morning campers.
Awake WAY TOO early again.
Still ticking along chez Satz.

YS has all of 3 weeks sober & has been offered a job in the Media Dept. of a University in a different city.
I have advised against it and he is torn.

• Wants to move on and get a job because he feels it will get impossible if left too long.

• But also knows that living alone & working in a strange City are both a huge threat to his sobriety.

I pulled no punches and said he had better weigh up the pros & cons very carefully that he can not boomerang back here if he relapses again.
The hostel / rehab / restaurant & bank of Mam & Dad are closed.

I will have a longer conversation today and outline EXACTLY how bad his drinking has become , maybe the video again and ask how he intends maintaining his early-days sobriety when he is accountable to no-one.


[MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION] I get that and he is an expert at forgetting I'm afraid.
He is doing all the right things at the moment AA, a new online counsellor etc. But their advice is useless because they do not know his history as we do.
They have, I suspect, a sanitized version of what he remembers or chooses to tell them out of shame.
Would they say "go ahead - a new start" if they knew the FULL facts of his drinking of late?

Whatever decision he makes - I will continue to remind him of the last 10 years which culminated in the last 3 months of hell for us.

Advice needed : is this the right thing to do? To constantly remind him how bad he was?
Will that just depress him & make him lose all hope ?

Well if those people are telling him to go for ot he is obviously giving them a deluded version of himself so yes you are absolutely right imo.
So that counsellor is online? Oh Benjy...I presumed it was in person face to face...now this is where yiz can all slam me to your hearts content..but imo...again....online is seriously inferior to 'in person'. Anyone can lather on the bullshit in a way its hard to do when you are sitting looking them in the eye. If I had money to put on it I would say it is 100% his sanatized version of himself she sees. I would ask him to attend a trained addiction counsellor post haste...you have him sober at the moment...don't let him waste his time....this precious window...on some online nonsense.
And yes I know LOTS of you got sober with mwo alone...but I'll ask you 2 questions before uou slam me..#1 had you gone as far in your addiction as YS?
#2 if you examine that time when sobriety and mwo happened together do you not sort of believe that you were genuinely ready for sobriety and just needed the extra nudge that mwo supplies?
I may be wrong...of course I may be...but I truly feel he needs more and agree with you wholeheartedly that move could be very bad...however..if I were you I'd also be very tempted to send him on his merry way...but yeah...you know he'll be back if and when things go wrong and you will have to pick up the pieces again.
Sorry this is so negative but this 3 weeks of sobriety it needs to be worked and treated by an expert...not some online 'face'....as always...just my opinion and sent with love xxx

[mollyka]

Re: Army June 22

Morning everyone else

Hope yiz aren't all offended but I've always been open about how I feel about this stuff...
With all that typing on my phone I've forgotten what everyone else said....sorry

[stirly-girly]

Re: Army June 22

Morning campers.
Awake WAY TOO early again.
Still ticking along chez Satz.

YS has all of 3 weeks sober & has been offered a job in the Media Dept. of a University in a different city.
I have advised against it and he is torn.

• Wants to move on and get a job because he feels it will get impossible if left too long.

• But also knows that living alone & working in a strange City are both a huge threat to his sobriety.

I pulled no punches and said he had better weigh up the pros & cons very carefully that he can not boomerang back here if he relapses again.
The hostel / rehab / restaurant & bank of Mam & Dad are closed.

I will have a longer conversation today and outline EXACTLY how bad his drinking has become , maybe the video again and ask how he intends maintaining his early-days sobriety when he is accountable to no-one.


[MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION] I get that and he is an expert at forgetting I'm afraid.
He is doing all the right things at the moment AA, a new online counsellor etc. But their advice is useless because they do not know his history as we do.
They have, I suspect, a sanitized version of what he remembers or chooses to tell them out of shame.
Would they say "go ahead - a new start" if they knew the FULL facts of his drinking of late?

Whatever decision he makes - I will continue to remind him of the last 10 years which culminated in the last 3 months of hell for us.

Advice needed : is this the right thing to do? To constantly remind him how bad he was?
Will that just depress him & make him lose all hope ?

Good morning Ladies!!

First of all, I remember many times that people here had been told that they shouldn't start a new job or relationship or whatever in the first months of sobriety (it could even have been in the first year). Lord help us if he is in a different city, with new job, invited for a drink every night by his new colleagues, temptation at every corner. How the hell will he not cave in when, as you say, there is no one there for him to be accountable to? He didn't manage it in his home town when he knew you or Mr. S. could knock on the door at any moment to see what shape he's in. Sends a shiver up my spine just thinking about it. I am not trying to sound negative her, Satzy, just saying things as I see it and what the expected outcome would be for any addict to be put in a new situation. New acquaintances he feels he has to say yes to, to fit in, a new job that could be challenging, new surroundings. So, IMO, show him the video - remind him that that is what he was like when he was close by people who could check up on him. Do praise him for the fact that he is 3 weeks clean but emphasize that he needs to continue as he is now, in familiar surroundings, with no major changes that could send him into a relapse. Jobs will always be there. As we have said a million times here - his first priority is to protect his sobriety and that will only happen if he follows the rules/guidelines and one of those is no major changes in living or working situations.

Well if those people are telling him to go for ot he is obviously giving them a deluded version of himself so yes you are absolutely right imo.
So that counsellor is online? Oh Benjy...I presumed it was in person face to face...now this is where yiz can all slam me to your hearts content..but imo...again....online is seriously inferior to 'in person'. Anyone can lather on the bullshit in a way its hard to do when you are sitting looking them in the eye. If I had money to put on it I would say it is 100% his sanatized version of himself she sees. I would ask him to attend a trained addiction counsellor post haste...you have him sober at the moment...don't let him waste his time....this precious window...on some online nonsense.
And yes I know LOTS of you got sober with mwo alone...but I'll ask you 2 questions before uou slam me..#1 had you gone as far in your addiction as YS?
#2 if you examine that time when sobriety and mwo happened together do you not sort of believe that you were genuinely ready for sobriety and just needed the extra nudge that mwo supplies?
I may be wrong...of course I may be...but I truly feel he needs more and agree with you wholeheartedly that move could be very bad...however..if I were you I'd also be very tempted to send him on his merry way...but yeah...you know he'll be back if and when things go wrong and you will have to pick up the pieces again.
Sorry this is so negative but this 3 weeks of sobriety it needs to be worked and treated by an expert...not some online 'face'....as always...just my opinion and sent with love xxx

I agree 100% with what Molly said. An online counselor? Good Gawd!! We addicts are experts at lying/concealing face to face. On-line? Jaysus, you could lie to the whole world and not even blink. Make up any story you wanted to - water down the truth til there was no truth left in it. Can't imagine that any on-line counselling for addiction could have the same effect as face-to-face. However, if that is the only option available right now, at least he has to show up for his appointment.

As for getting help from MWO and whether or not we were "as bad" as YS - I drank myself into a semi-comatose state every single evening. The only difference was that I passed out onto my bed. Calculated every single sip - how long between drinks. Ate something so I wouldn't throw up and then downed the last glass just before falling into bed. Everything calculated. But still drunk as a skunk every night. I had no option but to do it myself. There are no AA meetings within a convenient distance and not much in the line of alcohol counselling available from what I saw. So it was MWO and me. If I had had some other support along with MWO (seeing the sober members here was always an inspiration), then I might have managed it sooner. But just the fact that there are peeps here who understand just what an addiction means, was help in itself. That and the unwavering support that is always here.

Yep, and friends. Good friends. Life-long friends. Even if, for our own reasons, we disappear for a while, there are always understanding open arms to welcome us back. And no questions asked. Just acceptance. That's true friendship IMO. :heartbeat:

[stirly-girly]

Re: Army June 22

[MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION] - didn't mean to sound negative about YS, Satzy. There is always hope. Most of us "older" ladies here got sober after the age of 50 if I'm not mistaken. Some of us after 60. Not that YS has to go that long. Just saying that there is always hope. Something to strive for - a reason to stay sober is one of the main things, I believe, in maintaining sobriety. Wanting a better life for yourself. Not wanting to go back down the rabbit hole. Getting rid of the chains. However you say it or look at it, that is one of the main necessities to stay sober. Something that keeps you wanting it. Again, IMVHO.

[JackieClaire]

Re: Army June 22

Morning

[MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION]..................its far too soon for him to be galloping off for a new job. Sorry but I've got this vision of the staff saying 'ooh its Friday lets go to the pub'
He needs some good solid sobriety behind him.