Army June 22

[lifechange]

Re: Army June 22

Morning Army!
how is everyone doing?

wow, Mayo looks gorgeous from the images i could pull up on the internet! i hope all goes well with the meeting today, Molly..

so Rusty, i'm assuming fisherpeople go out on a boat? doesn't look like one would throw a line in from the shore there? and what kind of fish does your husband catch? i never fished much but my dad did.. mostly trout from forest rivers on camping trips and salmon/halibut when we lived in Alaska.. i remember the salmon was caught from a small, rocky boat which never failed to leave me sick as a dog!:happy2:

Mary, yes i'm with the same guy.. he's really a huge love and support. he knows i don't drink and though i've connvinced him a couple of times that i "can have just one", those days are over. for the past 1.5 months i've been drinking on my own when he's not here.. though i've sometimes had a few before he comes over.. he's noticed my off behavior but has believed me when i say i'm not drinking. i told him last weekend (when i came back here) that i was beginning a sort of therapy, an online forum.. he knows it's related to alcohol but we still haven't sat down and talked about it, which i know he'd like to. i feel like i need a bit more time, to be a bit firmer on my feet.. today is day 9.:love:

Satz, i'm also wondering how you all are..

wishing everyone a lovely Monday!xx

[mollyka]

Re: Army June 22

Day 9....super! I can understand holding back on the big reveal to BF...soon as you feel you can imo I would discuss it with him...support is priceless and if you explain that its not just as simple as 'don't drink' I'm sure it would be great to have him on side...Joe has been my strength over the years and without a doubt our relationship would have suffered greatly if we weren't on the same page.
Oh Elsie...fishing in Alaska...cooking in Berlin...and I'm excited about Mayo???!!!

Mary...the kids are grand now about us going...I think it'll be easier for them when saying goodbye to the family home is over... the 2 younger ones were sadder about the house than the 2 older ones cos they grew up from babies here.

Morning all...have to get up and clean the place for our big 'meeting'!!!!!

[rustop59]

Re: Army June 22

Morning all...have to get up and clean the place for our big 'meeting'!!!!!

Morning Molly and all to come

What’s the big meeting? Must have missed that. Did I tell ye that there is a remote hub about 5 minutes from our cottage. Himself is going to work there a few days next week. Suddenly we need the electric shower asap and an electrician is going to pop in immediately. Good luck to him with that!!

Into work today, was off for nearly two weeks, not looking forward to it. Laters ….

[mollyka]

Re: Army June 22

Morning Molly and all to come

What’s the big meeting? Must have missed that. Did I tell ye that there is a remote hub about 5 minutes from our cottage. Himself is going to work there a few days next week. Suddenly we need the electric shower asap and an electrician is going to pop in immediately. Good luck to him with that!!

Into work today, was off for nearly two weeks, not looking forward to it. Laters ….

ach I was just saying last week that I was never important enough at work to go to a 'meeting' -- here I am -- retired old dear having a 'meeting' ;-)
It's a lad who's coming who's interested in taking the house - and the apartment -- lock stock and barrel -- and will guarantee to return it to us in the same condition after a certain period of time... the estate agent thinks it's a great way to go - and I do trust her -- she's one scary lady but she's straight as a die -- so we'll see -- if he comes up with the loot we want I'll happily wave it goodbye --- who knows -- so he's coming at 11am.. say mammy prayers anyone that's around --- PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ ;-)

I used to nearly have to retrain when I was out for two weeks --- ach it'll be as if you were never away after half an hour

[JackieClaire]

Re: Army June 22

[MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION]..........congrats on your 9 days...............just keep plodding along just don't pick up that first drink.


I should sell tickets because a rare thing is happening tomorrow.......................Mr. JC is about to loose is temper tomorrow night with the people who are supposed to be bringing and fitting a new bathroom. While we were at the place we must have said 100 times we wanted it fitted by the end of June.................now they're saying perhaps the end of July.
So far we've had a box of taps.
Molls and Satz have both met him and know he's a gentle soul............but stand a good few metres away when he gets this angry. I'll supply popcorn we can watch from distance.

Baby due date is 24th June. Saw her last week the bump is huge and she's tiny.

[satz123]

Re: Army June 22

[MENTION=7008]JackieClaire[/MENTION] I just realised your little Baby Bunting is due on my 9th anniversary of soberdom - June 24th ? Am I right ?
How exciting .... 1st gandchild. I'm jealous.
And when is Jenny's wedding ?
Busy Summer for you.

YS Episode # 171

We are just limping along. And yes the fear is now that this situation will become our 'new normal'.
He is still drinking.
I was working at the weekend - so today I have to find a time when he is sober to find out the plan of action because this is not going to go on.
Three adults in the house - I'm the only one working - but my salary + our couple of pensions do not extend to keeping an extra fully grown adult.

[satz123]

Re: Army June 22

Molls and Satz have both met him and know he's a gentle soul............but stand a good few metres away when he gets this angry. I'll supply popcorn we can watch from distance.

Yes I can concur - a gentle giant. I'm keeping well away in case the roof comes off the house.
Ye know feck the bathroom - cancel it. Just add new towels & nice things to the one you have. Not worth the stress. Any visitors will have to make do - better than dopes hanging around on the wedding day making dust.

[JackieClaire]

Re: Army June 22

[MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION].....................I'll let her know. A good curry the night before should get him out. Worked with both of mine.
Jenny's 25th August.
I've seen the dress and its gorgeous. Mr JC after he's ripped the bathroom bloke a new one. He'll have to get his suit sorted but that's for him to sort out with Ads (the groom).

[JackieClaire]

Re: Army June 22

Yes I can concur - a gentle giant. I'm keeping well away in case the roof comes off the house.
Ye know feck the bathroom - cancel it. Just add new towels & nice things to the one you have. Not worth the stress. Any visitors will have to make do - better than dopes hanging around on the wedding day making dust.

It may come to that...............the worst bit is the toilets not flushing properly and the hot & cold tap has this nasty green stuff seeping out round the base it and only a dribble comes out.

Ach we'll manage. Luckily we've got fab neighbours we can shove them either side of us.And I've got towels we've never used.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Re: Army June 22

Evening ladies, so why do I think being scared helps?

I got scared. Like many of us here I got sick and tired of being sick and tired, but then I always did before another quit. Having been here for a long long time I have seen so many false dawns. My last decent quit was for 13 months but back I went, if I am being truthful I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I always thought I might. The honeymoon period runs it's period and the bad memories fade and we start to tell ourselves it wasn't that bad, I am denying myself something 'normal' people can have, poor me. Eventually we pick up just the one and maybe thats ok on night one, night two or even three but before very long we are back to the same level of drinking, if not worse than we were before the quit. And as anyone will tell you who has found themselves in this situation each quit gets harder and harder, it certainly was for me.
So how come after 13 years here I am now 611 days sober and loving it? How come I know I will never drink alcohol again, I know people say we never know and one day at a time but trust me I know I won't. So how come, well in addition to once again getting sick and tired of being sick and tired I got scared.
I drank every single day without fail, some days only a few but on other days a lot more. You see the thing is as I got older and I wasn't able to process the alcohol as well as I used to, my body was tired. It took very little for me to blackout, maybe 4 drinks to partial blackout and a couple more and would be enough for me to have absolutely no memory of the night before, no memory of anything, I mean last thing I remember I am drinking in a pub many miles from home the next it is the following morning I am in my bed feeling like death warmed up. Ah death, yes another gift alcohol gave me was depression, on more than one occasion I recall genuinely thinking my family would be better off without me, I honestly believed it yet I never gave my wife a single reason to even consider time away from me, never mind forever. I do think how easily I might not be here today given how the blackouts were. The next gift was my body starting to break down, the daily pain every morning in my right side, which I found out later was my swollen liver pressing on my other organs, for the liver can't feel pain or at least it is really hard to feel apparently, mine must have been screaming. The morning pains across my kidneys were another source of proof daily of what I was doing to myself. It didn't take videos of me falling around in my own vomit to convince me I had to stop but it might have speeded up the process had I of seen them.
I started by googling liver pains, kidney pains and then progressed to cirrhosis searches. This lead to looking at videos of people with these conditions, yellow, bloated and some clearly not going to make it. The vast majority caused by alcohol. Yes I got scared for I didn't want to die, but my self esteem was on the floor, was I worth saving? I tried to find out more about alcohol, ethanol in it's purely form and what it does to the human body. I found out it is classified by the WHO as a group 1 carcinogen causing up to 7 different types of cancers, the fact adverts for a cold beer, finds all smiling and laughing around the swimming pool in the sun doesn't tell us that. I educated myself. I found out what happens when we drink, what happens to our brains, how alcohol is a sedative, that came as a surprise. How our brains try to counteract this and try to rebalance our brain chemistry. How when the alcohol effects wear off after approx., 20 mins we are left with an underlaying feeling of anxiety, which guess what, another drink takes the edge off, and on it goes. All this information is freely available and I devoured it online, I read and I watched and I read some more.
I got scared. I didn't want to die before my time, with my last years spent in ill health caused by my own sorry hand. Alcohol is a dangerous drug, a very dangerous drug but nobody told us that when we were young. They told us it is normal, everybody drinks, only the odd not normal people who don't join in. Those and the weak willed alcoholics who can't handle their drink, the greedy ones who deserve to end up losing everything, the ones who eventually end up on a park bench. This line of reasoning has moved on but not yet to say the stressed mums who are trying to hold down a job, run a household and look after small kids, the wine o'clock brigade who joke about it on facebook and feel it's normal because their friends also do it, until one day its not fun anymore. Then they get scared.
So for me by that stage I had nothing to lose, I figured I had one more quit in me, I had educated myself that we are told lie after lie about this so called social lubricant. How will I ever enjoy a holiday again without our old friend AL, Christmas and birthdays won't be the same, I will be missing out, the odd one out feeling like the naughty child who got a lump of coal. Alcohol kills, it destroy lives and it damn near destroyed mine, it has taken a big chunk from me but no more.
So getting scared and getting educated finally gave me back something I hadn't had for so many years, my self respect and pride in what I have achieved. Sobriety is a gift that keeps giving, by stopping we are not denying ourselves but giving ourselves a great gift we all deserve, a happier longer life.

[IamMary]

Re: Army June 22

So many Interesting posts.
Back in the morning, my eyes are closing. Night gang x

[lifechange]

Re: Army June 22

hi Army!
just a quick fly by on my way to work.. looking forward to reading the post above from Tabbers this afternoon! love to have something to look forward to!
wishing you all a lovely day.. xx

[brit]

Re: Army June 22

A quick fly by.

Wonderful post Tabbers.

I am beyond exhausted due probably to my meds I hope I will get used to them.

I am forcing myself to get out walking and doing a bit of running, which helps lift my mood.Fortunately I have a great support network but still manage to feel lonely.

How did I ever find the energy to drink??

[mollyka]

Re: Army June 22

Morning. Tabs that is a fantastic post...I love it on so many levels...the truths radiating from it...and omg I recognise myself in it too...the self loathing...but god yeah ...I got scared too..sometimes convinced I had pushed my body too far...a lot of the time not caring..which scared me more.

I love how you open up...when I met you the truth radiated out of you but I've sometimes felt you didn't open up here...we can only really help others I think when we give a little bit of ourselves.

I'm now going to re-read it cos it's worth it

[satz123]

Re: Army June 22

@Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB) - thank you :hug:
With your permission I will copy & send to YS this morning.


This part in particular is still true today & what I've always thought but never articulated properly & it MADDENS me. Having dealt with doctors in recent weeks I know this for a fact. It's self-inflicted so deserves less empathy.
When you want & NEED to detox because you are tired & done with it all - they make you feel like a criminal. You are sent to the Mater Hospital A&E and left to sit for 12 hours + in your agony of withdrawal. Until you give up and leave and the only place to get relief is in more drink - and on it goes.

Alcohol is a dangerous drug, a very dangerous drug but nobody told us that when we were young. They told us it is normal, everybody drinks, only the odd not normal people who don't join in. Those and the weak willed alcoholics who can't handle their drink, the greedy ones who deserve to end up losing everything, the ones who eventually end up on a park bench. This line of reasoning has moved on but not yet to say the stressed mums who are trying to hold down a job, run a household and look after small kids, the wine o'clock brigade who joke about it on facebook and feel it's normal because their friends also do it, until one day its not fun anymore. Then they get scared.