Is anyone involved with another drinker?

[imatree]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

Oh Starlight, you didn't bring me upset. You helped me to bring forth truths that I must deal with - one of the gifts we offer each other on this forum. I felt better after writing all that - just getting all that out in the open, even though I don't have any answers. Knowing what the questions are is a big relief. And a motivation to find solutions where possible.

My partner and I were highschool sweethearts 24 years ago - first love, etc. The few years after high school we'd get together for romance every now and then, but he had moved up here to WA while I was still in Florida. We both went on with our lives. He had a family, I did too... now we're both divorced and have discovered our deep love for on another all over again (last year). He is always has been the best friend I've ever had, and he says the same. We know each other so well, our connection is deeper than romance almost like kinship. I know we have to find a way to make it all work out.

[trixietrack]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

veryh sweet and heartfelt Imatree

[Guest]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

Imatree,
Thanks for putting my mind at ease before I head to bed. I couldn`t have slept a wink worrying that I may have upset you. What you have with your man sounds very special. I wish you both all the luck and love in the world.

Starlight Impress

[Guest]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

trixietrack,
Just wanted to say again that we all have to make our own decisions on this, taking into account the type of man we have.

Much love,

Starlight Impress

[trixietrack]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

thank you starlight. I am just beginning to open my eyes and it's nice to have all this wonderful support.

trix

[hart]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

My husband Joe drinks as much or more than me. Sometimes, like this Saturday he gets mean and impatient. I'm a "happy drunk". We both agreed to get AF and try staying that way a while. We made it to 33 days, then haven't gone more than 3 days AF since. It is VERY hard to resist if Joe brings home beer. He will ask if he should get my beer (we drink different) and I feel gyped if he does drink and I don't.

Joe STILL doesn't think he has a problem. I KNOW we have a problem. I have been thinking about what will happen if and when I decide to remain AF and he doesn't........don't know yet, but it's a darn good question.

[trying]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

relationships and drinking...

My husband rarely drinks more than one drink when he drinks at home, and no more than a couple on social occasions. He is one of the reasons I realized I had a problem, because I was drinking so continuously and beginning to hide it from him. Anyway, as good as it is being with a non-drinker, it's also hard being with someone who has no concept of why I have to have more than one drink. He just doesn't understand at all and really thinks it's just a matter of will power or something odd that I'm putting myself through! He has never had a family member with an alcohol problem or been in a relationship with anyone who's had one, so it has been kind of a blow for him, too that I have developed this problem.

I can't imagine being with someone who drinks all the time, however it's also hard being with someone who really can't relate! So, I guess there's no perfect world out there, and it's really just up to me to decide what I want for MY life. I'm not sure if that helps or not, but thought I'd put in my two cents worth!

[imatree]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

ummm.... a little hesitant about telling you all this... but i figure i ought to tell...
(starlight, don't you go feeling bad!!)
This morning - it just came out of me but straight from my deepest self - I told my BF that I didn't want to live together anymore.

Whew. I think I"m kinda in shock. This was only about an hour ago, and I just got to work. But I do feel some relief. I can tell there is huge pain that I'm holding behind the surface. He didn't say a single word. Not one. Not even bye when I dropped him off.

I had a terrible nightmare last night - I'll tell you about it later, it's a bit much for me to handle right at the moment, to share it now... but basically it summed up my fears of losing absolutely everything due to my addiction. Primarily my daughter. I have had a rising fear lately that her father is going to try to take custody of her.

And frankly, he would probably have a good case. He just got engaged to a nice woman, they have a sweet house in a cute neighborhood, etc. I am an alcoholic and live with an alcoholic - one who, good a man as he is - does lose his patience easily with my kid, especially when drinking, has unintentionally hurt her when playing around - again, when drinking. When my daughter is at her dad's house they go for walks, to the park, play games, etc. When at my house I'm depressed, lazy, moody, etc - effects of drinking.

I'm also losing my health. My body is in terrible condition. I hurt all over the place.

So anyway, this dream scared the piss out of me and slammed into my face the reality that I really could lose everything if I don't QUIT DRINKING.
So I told him that. I told him with tears streaming down my face that I want so desperately to quit drinking.... basically said I need to be not living with him to get sober.

He moved in with me about 10 months ago. At the time I was quite close to getting sober - most committed I'd ever been. He moved in and I began drinking more than I ever have in my life - and that's saying something.

Maybe I could quit while living with him. But I won't be able to do all the other work - healing, getting whole, etc - that I need to do, while living with someone who drinks constantly.

I feel somewhat empowered and somewhat terrified.

[Beaches]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

I am proud of you Imatree that was a huge step for you and your daughter. A huge positive step.

[ducky]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

Ima, sounds like a good decision for you although I am sure it must be so hard. Hope it all works out for you and your daughter. You obviously care for her deeply.

[Guest]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

Imatree,
Don`t know what to say - it`s such a huge decision - relatively easy if the love has gone, but so very heartwrenching when you still love him, as I did. I`m 18 mths. down the line and still miss my ex. at times - sometimes one of the few good memories I have of he and I together will come into my head, and I gotta push it away and recall all the bad memories I have of my life with him, which is a good way of reminding myself why I had to leave him.

I left my ex. for myself first, and just like yourself, I left him for the benefit of my child, whose mother had gone from a doting mum to a drunkard overnight upon becoming involved with him. And sure, sometimes I`m lonely, but through time when I`m recovered I hope to meet someone else, but am not yet ready for that. I just know how happy I have made my child (now a teenager) by ending a relationship that was based on drink. Kid and I are really close again, and that in itself means the world to me.

Wishing you all the best and much love,

Starlight Impress

[ducky]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

Wow Starlight, you were/are very strong as well. Glad to hear that your relationship with your child is close. That is truly the most important thing. I was alone for a LONG time after my divorce, so I know all about being lonely, but it seems you are being very smart about all of this, waiting until you are feeling ready. I am sure when you are ready it will happen for you, and in the meantime you have done so well for your child.

[imatree]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

Thanks Starlight, your words are encouraging. It's funny... now that I've made this decision all that I've been denying in my own mind is coming to light. Like how much I ignore my daughter when she complains about him. She is 10, beginning puberty, and her dad is beginning a new family. She needs me more now than ever, and it's time I rise up to be the Mom she deserves. I'm so glad to hear that you and your child are so close now. I'll keep that in my mind and heart, as something to look forward to, in the difficult days to follow. Dear god, I hope he leaves soon and peacefully. And I hope I can be sober during the breaking up process.

[lushy]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

I am proud of you for taking this brave step Ima. I know it will rough on you emotionally but it sounds like you are doing the right thing. Be proud of yourself.

[Beaches]

Is anyone involved with another drinker?

Starlight you are also a very strong woman. Good for you!