At this point: Why?

[retteacher]

At this stage in my drinking career (I think I'm beyond Phase I), I no longer drink to feel good socially. In fact, when I go out socially, I rarely get to drink as much as I want. I think I now drink to:
-run away from problems/conflicts.
-run away from myself.
-cope w/unstructured time.
I'm AF today (& yesterday), but am in the throes of obssessing about drinking (how & when). One day at a time is what I'm concentrating on.

[Kitty]

At this point: Why?

Hi Retteacher,

One day at a time is what I'm focusing on too. And I can't remember far enough back to an occaision when I went out socially and didn't go overboard.

The enormity of the desision to give up forever is very scary to me, scarier than the thought of spending my life enduring a never ending series of anxious and guilt ridden days. That way of thinking just isn't right I know, and I am fully aware of the work involved for me to get where I want to be. It has took years for me to get to this stage and perfect the "idiot" that I become when I drink. So I'm sure it will take a while to make myself better.

I've known you for a while now and one thing you never do is give up. I truly believe that we can overcome this problem. Especially with the kind of support and tools we recieve from this site.

Big hug,

Kitty

[Nina328]

At this point: Why?

Alone myself....

You sound so alone...
What grade do you teach?

Have you seen any good movies lately?

-Nina

[beatle]

At this point: Why?

I think a lot of us recognise ourselves in what you wrote. One day at a time is good. After a little while you will feel good about what you are doing and you won't want to break your "record". When you start to feel better physically (after the first few uncomfortable days) you will feel better mentally and you will be able to think more clearly. Even if you slip, you will know you CAN do it, and just pick yourself up and start again. Even a fews days off the alcohol is a good break for your body and it will make it easier to stop again. As you said, just concentrate on one day at a time. Don't think too much about how long you will stay AF, if you will drink again, or when you will drink again. If you can stay AF today, just get through till you go to bed, you will wake up tomorrow, and take it as it comes.

[Guest]

At this point: Why?

2 days AF is a wonderful achievement retteacher.
I also was using alcoholism as a form of escapism, but am striving to get out of that trap.
Am just entering my 3rd wk. of successful moderation. Think tackling our alcohol dependency can sometimes make us very emotional, a sure-fire trigger for me in the past. I would love even 1 glass of wine tonight to calm me, but hope not to break the moderation promises I have made to myself.
Good luck for tomorrow retteacher,

Starlight Impress

[retteacher]

At this point: Why?

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I made it through yesterday even though I thought about alc a lot. Today is another day. I feel pretty strong at the moment.

Nina: I taught high school special education for 26 years & am now retired. A good movie I just saw that hit home was "28 Days" w/Sandra Bullock. It was about alc rehab...very good. I've also been wanting to see "When A Man Loves A Woman" w/Meg Ryan & Andy Garcia...also about women & alcoholism...an older movie. Good luck everyone. Mary

[nancy]

At this point: Why?

Hi Teach

You read the Craig Nakken book about the Addictive personality right? As I recall he said that some people develop problems when there is a change in life that leaves a big gap, like retirement or children leaving home.

I sometimes wonder where your husband is in all this? You have mentioned that you sneak drinks but he must know, right?

Or does he leave you alone a lot?

I have seen both movies you mentioned...

[retteacher]

At this point: Why?

Nancy: I manage to cover up pretty well, although he has his suspicions, I'm sure. He's never mentioned my drinking to me directly. I'm not sure why he's so indirect. Perhaps, he sees this as my problem to work out. We've been married 35 years w/all the attendant ups & downs. He's a great guy, & the main reason I want to stop is for him. By the way, I really like your posts & suggestions & follow many of them. I'm going to look for How to Stop Drinking WO/AA which you suggested on the other thread. Thank you very much, Mary

[sammys]

At this point: Why?

I have found out for myself the days I start obsessing about drinking I end up drinking. I spend more time obsesssing and feeling weird about it all, and those are the days I drink more than I should. I have just discovered this out so time will tell on how I handle this. I think for me if I just get busy with something and get my mind going I can get passed the mind games I am playing with myself.

Sammys

[nancy]

At this point: Why?

I can't remember where you are from. If you were in Britain I might understand the reserve of your spouse.

I think that book about quitting drinking was very useful. I started my habit breaking week this week. I took a shower instead of a bath, made a chai latte at home instead of stopping at my beloved coffee shop for a double espresso. I didn't log into MWO all day at work. i think it was getting excessive and not sure about computer security. It's an interesting exercise, you should try it.

I also find it hard to deal with things without drinking but it seems this is a good habit to get into. i hope both of us have some success this month after our few stumbles.

[Cinders]

At this point: Why?

Talking to Husband

RetTeacher,

I actually talked to my husband about my problem one day. He said to me "Your mom actually thinks you might have an alcohol problem" and I looked him in the eye and said, "I do!!"

Then, one night, after I got really really drunk, I woke up and looked him in the eye, and said, Greg, I can't explain it, the ONLY time I feel good is when I am drunk, and the only time I feel really crappy is when I am drunk. The rest of the time I am either ready to get drunk or thinking about it.

He understands now. He hates it. He loves me. He wants me to get better. At least he understands now.

I am NOT saying to tell your spouse because every human is different and they all react differently.

I may in fact LOSE my husband. (32 years) He is not a drinker at all and does not understand the issues. He does, however, love me, and he does somewhat understand addiction. At some point, though, if I can't get control of this, he may want out of the relationship. Hell, I can't blame him. I want out of this relationship and I never want to lose this relationship!! What a dichotomy!!!

I am SOOOO scared!!

Cindi

[julie001]

At this point: Why?

Wow! Thirty-two years...The nosy me is curious. Have you had good years together? Has your alcohol been an issue throughout your marriage? I've been married for for almost three years (second time). I love him, but issues popped up pretty quick (alcohol being just one of them). Nothing worth ending a marriage over, but I wonder what my a long lasting marriage feels like.

Do you ever think that as a person with an alcohol issue, you're extremely hard on yourself? I know I am. Sometimes I have to step outside of it all and say to myself that I am not a horrible person. I do have positive attributes that I usually forget all about because I'm to busy feeling depressed or feeling guilty about my drinking.

I never wanted to be a prescription drug person, but I would be willing to do a commercial about Lexapro (an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety). I felt so out of control emotionally. My stress level was over the top. Unfortunately, some stress in life cannot be easily changed. But, within a few weeks of taking Lexapro, I felt like I could so much better handle everyday stress. I still drink, but not ridiculously, like I was. I also feel like I no long obsess about it like I did. It is still an issue, but it doesn't consume my every thought.

I haven't been keeping up with posts lately, and just read some of yours. I really appreciate your honest, open feelings. I look forward to hearing from you again. Good luck.

Julie

[Cinders]

At this point: Why?

Julie001

A long lasting marriage always has some really good years and some really bad ones. That is the way it goes.

My kids asked me one times "How do yo know when they are the one?"

All I know about marriage is this.

1. You commit to marriage unless the person you are married to is abusive/unloving. i.e. You made a PLEDGE. (I make those VERY sparingly)

2. You have ABSOLUATELY no control over what your spouse does in your marriage. The only control you have is how you respond. Once you figure that out, you have no stress.

Good luck in your marriage and your life!!!

Remember this. Your drinking is not good but just like my husband and myself, my drinking is bad but he has qualities that are "bad," too. I remind him from time to time that some of the nicest people I know are alcoholics and his dimples show and he kisses me me. (However, after a bad night, like I have said, I have seen the quiet desperation in his eyes because he know there is nothing he can do to help me and he would dearly love to "fix" the problem for me)

Take care, best wishes, be good to each other!!
Cindi

[MDBiker]

At this point: Why?

Hey Cindi, I've made the 32 years too. My wife also does a lot of db2 work and is really good at it. She hates my drinking. Mostly because she sees me killing myself and there is nothing she can do to help me. (Believe me she has tried) She thought a lot of it was due to my work, and I agree a lot of it was, but mostly I drank because I couldn't stop. It was just that simple. I wanted to stop but I couldn't. I have been drinking pretty heavy for most of the last 20 years but after a short time off a couple of years ago, I came back with a fury. As long as I thought I had a drink in the future, I could not stop for long. Even quitting for months I would be back drinking more than before if I even drank one drink. One drink and it was on my mind constantly where the next one would come from. That is a terrible way to live. For me to quit, I had to completely give it up. Now I don't even think about when I will drink again. I can't drink at all unless I want to be right back on the edge of death, and I refuse to do that.
I wish you the best. You can quit and will if you will persevere.

God Bless
bear

[retteacher]

At this point: Why?

Dear MD: I too must take drinking completely out of any equation. I cannot moderate at all. I'm feeling something shift (for the better) inside me. I've passed on a few serious cravings & want the good feelings to continue. I appreciate your point of view. Mary