I only seem to be able to make a week af then i test myself thinking i will just have a couple, drink one bottle of wine and started looking for more, dont remember going to bed but woke up at 10 pm crying my eyes out telling my kids i am so sorry that i am so useless and trying to struggle on my own is just to hard.
God i feel terrible laying all that shit on my kids they must worry them selves sick every day wondering what will happen next, I love my kids with all my heart and i hate myself for puting them through all this, what is wrong with me that i just cant stop for them. I tried to log on here last night before i started drinking but the internet was playing up, dont really know if it would have made any difference,but hell i tried.
Came home from work, had half and hour to get ready to meet some friends at the pub, i was driving so i knew i would not drink much, ran around madly to get ready got in the car thought i would give my friends a call to say i would pick them up, two messages on phone both friends had cancelled, here i was sitting in the car all dressed up no place to go, so i got depressed bought some wine and feel like shit today, i feel so good and amazing when iam af then i think i can just have a couple, why cant i be like every one else a just have a couple.
Any way kids said i wasnt to bad, but i dont remember, so i guess that means i was bad, any way not going to kick myself iam just going to pick my self up and start again.
Day bloody one again:upset:
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