Emotional wreck

[Bean]

I'm posting in here as I feel like I've made so little progress since joining back in April, in fact I'd go so far as to say I now seem to be going backwards. It's making me really sad. I'm STILL grieving over the guy I broke up with 10 months ago. It was my chance to change my life and get on top of this problem but I don't feel like I am. I've also started smoking again since going on holiday a month ago - didn't smoke for years apart from the very occasional one. Shortly before lighting up I said to someone that I found smoking revolting and was so glad I didn't do it anymore and what a bizarre thing it is to do anyway. ?? Someone please explain that screwed up thinking as I certainly dont get it. Started taking the supps and thought that the cravings were greatly reduced but then that I don't really get physical cravings and the mental ones are still there leading me back to a bottle of wine a night. Want to hand in my notice at work and go travelling but scared of not having an income and having to rent my house out to someone I don't really know. I've lived and worked abroad in the past and LOVE travelling but just worrying about what to do when I get back. Feel like I can't get off this boring stupid destructive lonely futile loveless booze riddled path I am on. I used to be really motivated and enthusiastic and excited about the future and sociable and fun. I don't know where that person went.
Sorry for posting such a downer. I just suddenly got overwhelmed :upset: .

[Flip]

Emotional wreck

OH Bean, I really do share your pain. I've done exactly the same things and felt the same way. I was suffering from depression.

Do whatever it takes to get your life back on track - one little thing at a time if necessary.

Big hugs

[hart]

Emotional wreck

(((Bean)))

I agree. If you need to take some time to heal and can afford it, do so. Maybe you can rent your house thru an agency who can watch it. I'm sorry you are struggling.:l

[louise]

Emotional wreck

I'm sorry things are so difficult Bean. It does sound like you might be depressed and I hope you can find some help for that. I'm sure the person you were is still there underneath this.

[Guest]

Emotional wreck

Sorry you`re feeling low bean.

Don`t think we can `fix` ourselves overnight. Think you should try to incorporate changes into your life little by little, and through time you`ll find yourself in a far more peaceful state of mind. Am also psychologically dependent on the wine, but try to adopt a `mind over matter` attitude every day to avoid drinking. Try to build up AF days slowly.

Best wishes,

Starlight Impress

[sujul]

Emotional wreck

h

Repeat after me: progress is not a straight line from point A to point B!

Instead, it looks more like a winding, spirally, zig-zaggy road that goes back and forth, up and down and all around...progress is moving away from where we have been stuck--but it hardly ever looks like a simple, straight line!

So sorry you're feeling down, Bean--please know though that this is tough and that it's perfectly normal to feel as though you're just not getting anywhere--but really it's a matter of our own expectations of how this should be rather than the reality, which is that progress is a lot slower than we would like. Not to mention the physical and emotional changes as our cells try to adjust to not having all the alcohol they have come gto expect!

The good news is that if you just keep on trying you WILL do this....it's fall down, get up and try again....over and over.... one day you'll find yourself giving this same advice to someone else!
:l