A moderatley guilty admission

[out]

Ok, so tonight as I got home from work I have been drinking some. I downed 2 very weak vodka and clubs very quickly and am working on my 3rd, by the time I'm done I will probably drink 1/3 of a 1/2 sized bottle of vodka. At least typing here has slowed me down! I have been having problems with anxiety...nothing new and I know not really caused by drinking, because I didn't drink for 13 years and have had the same problem on and off. I have been on meds and different forms of therapy etc, none very effective, actually therapy made the anxiety worse. I am about to try cognative behavioral therapy and am hopeful that that will be more effctive than the insight based crappola I have done. My guilty admission is this...right now I feel normal! And a few drinks seem to put me where I need to be and if for now that's what works, that's what I will do, but I can continue to take care of myself in other ways and try to reduce as I work my way thru this stuff. I realized tonight that there have been times where I have drank much more and more often than I do now, but I was more aware in some ways and that made a difference...for example, if I were to go out drinking with friends, when all of them were having drinks with dinner I would be soaking up water and making sure I ate before drinking. I kept a low carb diet and ate every few hours. I also worked out all the time and was in phsically much better shape that now. Those things really helped and I realized that I could still be doing those things even if I am still drinking. The support here is awesome and I thank you all for reading and caring about each other. Bless us all on our journey. And yes, I type poorly sober too!

[rachel28]

A moderatley guilty admission

that s the thing im discovering about beer, it s alarming cos it s only now im trying to stop that i realised how abnormal i feel wiv out my morning medicine, its took me till now 2 realise i cant function wiv out, well not at the moment, so your guilty admission is prob shared wiv most of us, i also have drank greater amounts than i am now, just bk then, i dont think i was physically as dependant, not like now, sounds like u know what u need to do, i hope mwo helps u find your way out, if u find the way, let me know which way it is!!! by the way your typing seems fine, much better than mine!!!

[Guest]

A moderatley guilty admission

Hi out,
Hope the CBT helps you to overcome your anxiety. Meantime if having a couple of drinks allows you to cope with it, then so be it. I also suffer from anxiety which at times can be extremely severe, ranging from general anxiety disorder to full-blown panic attacks. Anxiety is very draining as we spend a lot of time living in `fear of the fear`, and I also think that many people lack understanding of this condition as you cannot really understand the nature of anxiety unless you have experienced it for yourself-guess it`s similar to how social drinkers cannot understand how, for us, alcohol is something we `have to have`.
I self-medicated my anxiety with wine, despite having read enough on the subject to know that alcohol would actually exacerbate the condition. I have only recently stopped using booze to cope and find my anxiety has reduced, although not miraculously disappeared.
Think you already have a lot of understanding about the kind of lifestyle we must lead in order to lessen anxiety, such as good nutrition and exercise, which along with the CBT should make an enormous difference to you. If you need that couple of drinks for the time-being, go ahead and have them and hopefully the therapy you are awaiting will be able to assume the role of the couple of calming drinks.

Good luck with this,

Starlight Impress

[uda]

A moderatley guilty admission

Hi out,

I too suffered from anxiety and also depression and found CBT very helpful. It taught me to recognise the feelings and ways of dealing with them that didn't involve alcohol. I did find it helpful that my counsellor was flexible and focussed on whatever was going on in my life without necessarily pushing CBT at all times. One of the really exciting things about it for me was that I noticed some progress almost straight away.

Good luck with it and welcome to MWO - it's a fantastic site full of supportive, wise and compassionate people.

Uli