:new: Hi. I've been trying MM for a while and it hasn't been working. Every Monday I gear myself up for victory over binge drinking and fail miserably every Friday at around 5 pm. My weekend then becomes a blur of recovery via many hairs of the dog that bit me. The nightcap on Sunday is followed by a vow to really stop this week. Monday is like going to confession in my journal where I attempt to atone for my sins and drum up new slogans for recovery that are usually forgotten by the end of the week. I feel like a mouse in a wheel and it's destroying my life. Alchohol is the one thing that is holding me back in so many ways but I just can't seem to stop it's destruction. I need to stop needing to feel that mechanical click in my head at the end of the week. I've been binge drinking for about 18 years now and I'm so "sick and tired of being sick and tired" but just can't seem to save myself from myself. I'm a warrior on Monday and dog food by Friday. If I could just erase Friday, Saturday and Sunday from the week I'd be fine. I stumbled upon this site this morning and I have a new hope. I ordered the book and should receive it on Thursday. What I've read so far makes sense and I hope the program will work for me. I know there is so much more to life than this. I have a 4 year old son and he deserves better. I have a husband who is a binger as well and that isn't helping, but I can't put the blame on him. I am responsible for myself. While I never get fall down drunk and incoherent (and don't let my son see me drink to excess) I will drink a bottle of wine (occassionally two) a night on the weekends and this has caused me to gain a lot of weight which is a whole other related story of misery -- not to mention feeling tired all the time and irritable a lot and experiencing days of debilitating depression. I have a history of child abuse in all it's horrendous forms and I think that I drink to subconsciously numb it out. I feel like if I can subtract the binge drinking from the equation maybe I'll clear out space in my head for a real epiphany on how to deal with my problems in a healty way. That's my story. I feel relief in finally telling it with truthful awareness to someone other than my beaten down journal.
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You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it. Maya Angelou -
Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.
Hello and welcome!
Hi Glamourwitch and welcome to MWO:welcome: Your story is very similar to mine - goodie two shoes during the week and the naughtiest girl in the school at the weekend. Two bottles every night, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Then on the bus to work on Monday morning I have the "Monday" conversation with myself, this has got to stop, I can turn this around, blah, blah, blah. Tuesday conversation is "well, I didn't drink last night, so that proves I don't have a problem!" Weds sees me craving a bottle (or two) of wine, and sometimes I give in. Thursday, well, it's almost the weekend, isn't it - Friday, Saturday, Sunday - the whole merry-go-round starts again. But, I've somehow managed to break the cycle. Instead of "giving up" on Monday, I "gave up" on Thursday, had my last bottle of wine last Weds night, bought some Kudzu and by some miracle or other, had a totally sober, wine-free weekend - no way..... eh, yeah... WAAAY! So how about trying to break the circle, the Kudzu is marvellous for killing the cravings - hey kiddo, if I can get this far, so can you - jump in!!!
Read everyone's stories, get as much info as you can and :l we're all here for each other!
Again, :welcome: -
Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.
Wow. I am going to try your trick. It's kind of like the diet where you eat your heavy dinner meal at breakfast and eat your light breakfast at dinner and lose a ton of weight (unfortunately for me, eggs, cereal or pancakes don't appeal to me at night). Do you take the prescriptioon meds or does the Kudzu alone do the trick?You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it. Maya AngelouComment
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Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.
Welcome Glamourwitch. Glad you found MWO. I have found the cds and all the non prescrip. supplements (kudzu, L-glut, etc) really help. I take a very low dose of topa as well, but many don't. I also tried MM and have been much more sucessful with this.Comment
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Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.
Hi Glam and welcome. It's a tough spot isn't it? I recommend that you read the book, take the supplents and go to holistic healing on the site for other recovery tools.
Keep posting. It's a difficult but rewarding journey. :welcome:Enlightened by MWOComment
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Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.
that should have been supplements - have a bandaid on my right finger.Enlightened by MWOComment
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Another Monday of atonement -- hopefully the last.
Well we all experience the conversations with ourselves and weakening resolve.
You know what I think is interesting about what you and Last of the summer wine describe? It's almost exactly like the case studies in the book/CDS called Eating drinking and overthinking. Check out the What we are reading section for more info.
It also reminds me a bit of the experience of the member named ScoobyDoo. You might want to search for her posts. She ultimately went AF and seems happier.Comment
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