alcohol bf no good for me

[me1455]

ive been on here forever, but recently ordered the topa, so fed up with it all. just switched from 25mg to 50mg. had bad depression so i realize i think i have to go up slower and hope the depression goes away. it was a nightmare for two days.. didnt take it yesterday. iwas also very emotional.. my other problem is i realized those two days when i upped my topa dosage, i could have fought the urge to drink, especially in the daytime. i didnt have the desire much at all. but my bf whos a drinker himself, opened up the big bottle of wine. and im very close wit h him and i feel like if hes doing it i wanna do it too. i should have fought the urge but its such a habit for us to drink together so much, its basically what we do... we have a rocky relationship besides the alcohol. hes controlling. its my first real relationshnip ive been in, ( im 27) and i just feel so weak. i dont know how to leave it. but i am pretty sure hes not only unhealthy for me but going to hurt this whole tryin gto help myself c with alcohol process.. bc i know topa helps but its not a magic pill.. pretty sure.. im on 50mg. how do u get out of a relationship thats not right for u? ive lost most of my friends too (mostly bc of him and ive tried getting them back but its just not happening). i feel so alone and dont have anyone. the few friends i do have i know are not real good friends or good people. anyohne have ideas? its even harder bc im stuck with this alcohol disease, which really weakens me.. im depressed, im lost, im needy. im not myself anymore, the good old cheery girl i used to be before this alcohol problem became so bad. (if your wondering how much i drink, i drink mostly everynight,usually a bottle of wine, not usually during the day, but at times during the day, and maybe once or twice a week out at a bar where i get smashed and blackout) anyway so any suggestions on leaving a relationship that isnt right for you? if i had insurance i would speak to a therapist...

[Accountable for Me]

alcohol bf no good for me

It sounds to me you are in a co-dependent relationship.

Honestly, until you really want to get AL out of your life; you will continue to be in that relationship. I know what it is like to have a partner who likes to drink. That was the platform of my last relationship - drinking. We both condoned each other's behaviour. I also had a very hard time maintaining my sobriety seeing he always brough AL into our home. I would go weeks resisting but then I would break.

You have to make a decision here for yourself and for your health. It isn't easy - this I know.

[Heavenly]

alcohol bf no good for me

Yes, you need to try and stop the alcohol abuse first ... at least by cutting down you are now seeing what poor state you are in, that's physically, mentally and relationship - wise too.

Try and see your GP (personal doctor) for support and help with this, he could get you counselling, treatment and medication. Reducing alcohol intake also reduces depression in the long term.

If you are working then can you now start looking for a room of your own, ie. a house-share, flat-share etc or if you are on benefits then get advice on moving to a completely new area, as nothing would be holding you to live in the same town as this man. You sound like you need to put distance between you too, as physical close proximity is not helping you either is it ?

You may get more advice on this in general threads or help wanted asap threads.

[last call]

alcohol bf no good for me

Yes you definitely have to get away from the BF. I just got out of a similar relationship myself. All we did was drink. Then the fights started. He alienated me from anything or anyone that was a good in my life. A mentally abusive control freak. It wasn't hard getting away from him since he was always telling me to leave him alone and stop calling him anyway. So that's what I did. I live with my sister and she had told him long ago not to call or come over. I disconnected my cell phone so he couldn't call that. What a relief it is not hearing him ridicule me constantly. I would have never stopped drinking if I hadn't gotten away from him. I'd always be the one that was so drunk and disgusting meanwhile he was drunker than me. He had a big denial problem. I forget what else you said. Let me go back and read your post again. Later.

[last call]

alcohol bf no good for me

Hi me again. I don't know much about the pills you take someone else I'm sure will fill you in. As far as the way you're feeling, you'll be surprise how much your attitude will change once you get off the Al. Your young and have a head on your shoulders. Use it and get yourself back together again. It will be tough at times and when it is come here so we can help you. All the best. :hug:

[last call]

alcohol bf no good for me

Get back to that good old cheery girl you use to be. Man you remind me so much of myself. Believe me it's nice to get yourself back again. It just gets better and better every day. Be happy once again. :happy:

[me1455]

alcohol bf no good for me

Thanks guys for your advice and support, i know i need to get out of this relationship and away from him not only bc of alcohol, but alcohol is a huge reason i need to also. last call, he is in denial also. he gets so mad at me for sometimes getting to drunk when we both drink together, meanwhile he drinks just as much but is just a bit more in control of preventing himself from getting sloppy, which is at times my weakness. (used to be my main weakness until i built a tolerance and now doesnt happy as often) heavenly-i dont live with him, which is good. we dont share a house or apartment together. its really just about me having the strength to say goodbye. i WOULD gtalk to a therapist or doctor-if i had insurance! i only belong to a clinic that doesnt offer that right now until i get a real job which offers benefits. im just confused with how u let go of someone u are attached to and definitely also care about?

[brightlite]

alcohol bf no good for me

Me....I've been in your situation. BF was controlling, a drinker, cut me off from friends....believe me it does not get any better. He will destroy you. For me, I was a possession, something to control...there was no real love. Get out..now! Love yourself. Get back to the happy girl you were. She's in there and wants to come back. It doesn't sound like there is anything good about your relationship. Ask yourself if there is love, friendship, mutual respect, that the relationship is moving down a good path? If not, it is not for you. Make a plan and focus on YOUR goals. That's all I can say. Sometimes I forget to heed my own advise. But the more I stay sober the clearer the picture.

[Skinned Knees]

alcohol bf no good for me

You just do it! When I realized how detrimental my ex-fiancee was to my mental well-being, I broke it off. And we were living together with our kids. I had to do it to save myself. He didn't have a drinking problem, but even though he knew I did, and even though he said he would help me quit, he kept insisting that I go with him to the lodge and bars because he liked to shoot pool with his friends. I would want to stay home, but he would insist I go with him, and then of course, I would drink and get drunk. I'm not blaming him. My drinking problem is MY problem. However, I realized that I could not be in that environment and get sober.

Since leaving him, I have finally been able to get on my feet again. I've been AF for just about 30 days, and on the occasions I did drink, wasn't drinking anywhere as much once we split. Since December, I have had 90% AF days. And I went from getting drunk every single day. It was the best thing I could do for myself and my daughter.

I hope you can stand strong and say ENOUGH! We're here to lend an ear and offer advice, but it ultimately is up to you. :l

SK

[brightlite]

alcohol bf no good for me

Yes, LASTCALL....I completely understand...a "mentally abusive control freak". Wow! Do we attract those kind of men because we drink???? That's the age-old question?? If we were sober and were involved in sober uplifting activities, would we attract a decent guy?? I guess that's a discussion for another thread.

[DeeBee]

alcohol bf no good for me

me1455;543608 wrote: he gets so mad at me for sometimes getting to drunk when we both drink together, meanwhile he drinks just as much but is just a bit more in control of preventing himself from getting sloppy,

You sound just like me... I used to wonder WHY does my hubby get mad with me about my drinking when he drinks just as much.
It took me a while to realise that he has got nothing to do with my AL problem.. I had to take ownership of it 100% and only then could I work on getting myself better.

I too took the Topa but I upped my dosage a lot slower than the book recommends and I had very few side effects. The depression or feeling down does pass.

Hang in there, you can do this!!!

[me1455]

alcohol bf no good for me

thank you SOOO MUCH you guys are awesome, it makes me feel good to read that encouragement.. i can do it..

[learningtolive]

alcohol bf no good for me

Wow!!! What a read!! I saw so much of myself mirrored in these words, but you really can break out of it and rediscover yourself. I was stuck in a toxic relationship for 16 years and it has taken me just on 12 months to start to recognise me again...its been a long hard road, but one filled with insight, understanding, and now self-love and appreciation. Learning to enjoy alcohol rather than depend on it as a 'non-coping' mechanism has been a HUGE challenge, and abstinence for 6 months was the only way I could do it. Campral helped...a lot...but the hardest thing is quietening the noise of the criticisms that still echo in my mind, but like all other challenges before me I am getting there too. Sobriety goes a long way to turning down the volume of the bad stuff that rattles around inside. The fulfillment in my life now I am learning to live again is beyond words, but one I recommend wholeheartedly. Hang in there, and remember there are millions of 'earth angels' to help you on your journey - you are not alone. I would also recommend you read a book called "Passionate Marriage" - marriage is used in the generic sense of the term and it refers to all long-term, committed relationships. In the absence of a therapist it could be your best friend, and it is the most lucid and practical book I have read on relationships yet. Good luck me1455, and anyone else dealing with the same stuff - just remember you are beautiful and special, and just believe :-)