I know DAVENC recently generated a Campral thread, which was great help to read, I still thought I would keep my own journal to both document the effects and experience as well as to share. So here it goes.
Yesterday was my first AF day since March of 2005. I've always really enjoyed drinking, and have a predisposition to over-indulge, but starting in March of 2008 things really started getting out of hand. What was the cause? Because I could! I'm not sure if there are underlying phschological issues driving it, perhaps there are, but I don't feel there should be. I have a wonderful life. My husband is a good man and he loves me. We have 2 great kids, aged 9 and 6. Our status is comfortable, not opulent or rich as we are both self-made. We take nice trips, we have nice friends, and my part-time high-paying job which gives me total freedom to execute my own strategy is the coolest thing an expat spouse ever found. Little fact: my father is an alcoholic who was in the hospital for a month this winter and nearly died from it. Supposedly he's not drinking now. More on that some other time.
So why did my drinking get out of control? It was fun. It is easy. The days get a warm glow. The kids are easier to deal with after a few glasses of wine. My worries seem to float away.
Now this is starting to sound like My Story, oh well.
On Friday, I had a luncheon party for 12 of my friends. Everything was wonderful, but I felt so dissatisfied. On Saturday I passed out in bed with my 6 year old and woke up at midnight. On Sunday we watched a movie together and I don't remember the last half of it. On Monday I saw an MD and asked for meds. Then I had to go to 4 pharmacies until I found one that had Campral. Maybe that means it's rather popular? The first 3 pharmacists said, "can you come back at 4 this afternoon?" and of course the answer was N-O NO! It's weird how the pharmacist treats you - like you are asking for some flouride rinse, for example, when they know exactly what you are getting and why. Do I look like an alcoholic? I don't think so - I am quite attractive for a 45 year old. So what does go on in their heads? Do I care? No, I am more intent on getting control of this and making sure my life does not spin into the black hole of addiction.
Yesterday, took first 2 tabs at 10:30. Felt a little dizzy at 3:00 but no cravings. Second set at 3:30, 45 minutes before kids get home. 3rd set at 9:30. MD gave me 6mg tabs of benzos, but although I felt a little jumpy I didn't feel like I needed them. Hubby had a big cognac after dinner. Watched downloads of the Daily Show and Colbert Report. Knew I would remember them the next day. Took 2 tylenol pm at 10:15. Couldn't sleep until at least 1am, but at least there was not too much anxiety. At 2am our son woke me up as he had a bad dream. DRAGGED my drugged body out of bed, fell into a light sleep. Woke up groggy but ok.
Day 2 - After my 2 cups of coffee, I felt like I wanted a drink. Took 2 tabs at 7:30 am. Feeling a little shaky in the hands. Voiding liquids every 20 minutes or so, although I am drinking lots of water with lemon juice. At 10am, still wanting a drink. You see, Tuesday mornings I have my weekly call with my head office. This is the one day a week I drink in the mornings - as a few drinks during the call makes me more expressive, believe it or not. Today was my first Tuesday morning call in several months AF. I do think my thinking was more clear, and I will remember everything. 14 more hours until I am AF for 2 days. I think I shall now walk to the 5th pharmacy in the area and pick up the thistle milk tablets I ordered yesterday. Any thoughts on need for oil of primrose?
Bye for now,
Tulipe
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