My NAL Trip

[brightlite]

My NAL Trip

Thanks Crown again for your encouragement and support. I know you went to hell and back and somehow TSM worked very well for you. I also think you have a lot of determination.

I was AF again last night....so Yay! I'll just keep working the program.

I'm glad to have such a motivated, good friend on the boards. I'm sure you are giving many encouragement. Let's just say that your name now stands for wearing the Crown for TSM...LOL

[crown86]

My NAL Trip

Brightlite

Congrads on the af days...awsome. Nice to wake up clear eh? As far as determintaion when I started TSM I had about .001 percent of determination..then as I began to rack up days and then weeks and then a couple months of not being drunk..no AF...the determination started to build very naturally but almost effortlessly..now AF days are racking up...if this is heading to abstinence so be it...if it means 3-4 beers over 3 hours so be it...either way it's all good and I have zero fear anymore of the beast.

LOL on your crown comment...LOL...Maybe I now need to change my handle...that was chosen obviously when my sorry drunken butt came here when I was drowning in a bottle of Crown Royal...no longer the case. Thank- God. I might hate Canada now...joking..besides River pharmacy is out of Canada...gotta love Canada one product tried to kill me - crown royal - one product saved my life from a candian pharmacy

[seeking1]

My NAL Trip

Week 2: 30 units, 4 AF days. So, up from last week (20 units) but still below usual (60+ units [note, still not sure how to calculate units exactly]). More AF days but more Al consumed on drinking days than last week (8, 10, and 12 units). Possibly at the start of a spike. We'll see....

I find that my affect is a bit flatter on most days -- Maybe a slight, general lessening of endorphins? Or maybe not so many mood swings.

I find that when I drink (as many here have noted for themselves), I have way more "drunk" feeling and way less "up" feeling and that I have WAY more clarity throughout the drinking experience. Still enjoyable (not having the "I can't get tipsy" feeling some report).

Not getting terrible hangovers (that is, any MORE terrible than they were before).

Still feeling like this is working, and that gives me a sense of serenity I haven't had in years. Even on drinking nights, I feel somehow that I have more control. Less stumbling and fumbling, less eager for the next drink.

I'm usually a red wine drinker. I'm finding that Nal is curbing my desire for red but not so much for white wine. Also tried vodka this past week -- Again, not as hard to gag down as red. Interesting.... I'm just going to continue doing what I do + Nal one hour before, not analyze it too much....

As planned and with surprising ease, my benzo use has declined significantly (titrating off of Temazepam for sleep as Dr. Eskapa notes that benzos may block TSM progress). At my worst, I was sleeping on non-Al days with 60 mg Temazepam. I am now on 7.5 mg plus a couple of OTC Unisoms. I'm hoping to be done with the benzos in the next week. After that, hope to dump the Unisom. As I noted before, I think all of this will be aided by a lessening dependency on booze for sleep -- non-Al days hopefully will no longer be "Oh crap, insomnia" days.

Hope, self-esteem, control -- What a thing to have at least a semblance of them back! Oh -- And I'm freakin' GETTING UP IN THE MORNING. I don't think I've gotten so much done in a week since... I don't know. It's great!

[brightlite]

My NAL Trip

I'm so glad it seems to be working for you. The fact that your red wine does not taste good...is a positive thing. I'm sure that I read on the TSM site that other red wine drinkers could not stomach their reds anymore too. Yup I can still swill my white wine though. I still have hope and will continue with the program. Keep going seeking and keep posting.

[seeking1]

My NAL Trip

Brightlite, I hear you about the white. Of course, my inner drunk went there immediately after figuring out that red wasn't going to be so much fun: "Wouldn't you love a tasty Chardonnay?" Of course I would.

[crown86]

My NAL Trip

LOL damn the bottle is a trickster

[brightlite]

My NAL Trip

Seeking...

LOL! It's such a love....hate relationship! Sooo damn difficult not to think of that cold glass of Pinot when I get home...of course the demon lies within. Oh..to be a "normal" drinker and just be able to enjoy two glasses...because of course I could never have just one! Anyway, I'm feeling a little better from my "blue" period....dropped some baggage as in an overly dramatic relationship with a BF and now it is onward and upward many AF days or less consumption days ahead. Feeling a little optimistic today. Take care and keep posting results. Chocolate Mousse is also a wine drinker on Nal and will be checking in on (her) too.

[seeking1]

My NAL Trip

Brightlite, I've been reading posts both here and at TSM site re: using newfound control to "jump off" once the craving has been reduced. That seems to me something we wine drinkers should think about in the coming weeks and months, no? Perhaps a bit of willpower along with the Nal will be the extra kick we need....

[seeking1]

My NAL Trip

PS good work on the baggage dump

[brightlite]

My NAL Trip

Seeking,

Yes I needed to do it for my own sanity. Unstable men and drinking don't work well for me. I'm better off by myself right now. Dating is very difficult and I guess it makes sense to go solo for awhile.

[seeking1]

My NAL Trip

Absolutely, Brightlite. It's so easy to tangle up issues, especially when the relationship in question isn't flexible or supportive. I believe what a past counselor told me -- Once you fix the root problem for yourself (in our cases, alcoholism), the other problems may not look so big or be so hard to figure out. And anyway, we're not so great for others when our brains are "wet" all the time. It's brave and smart of you to take some time for yourself.

[brightlite]

My NAL Trip

Seeking,

Thanks....had a good night last night. I had three glasses of pinot grigio from 5pm to 10pm. Drank them really slow, not that I was even trying....so that is an accomplishment on my part. I'm feeling like I am getting more days of AF or less drinking on the days that I drink. I don't feel the need to gulp down my wine, finish the bottle and occasionally have a glass or two from another. Those are the blackout nights. Just too much wine for me. Without the Nal I have no control once I have that first glass. Some evil thing takes over like I'm possessed or something. I am enjoying a sense of control lately that I haven't felt in awhile. Now with the other issues out of the way, I actually feel relieved or something. I'll keep updating my progress. Hope you and CM are seeing some progress too.

[seeking1]

My NAL Trip

Week 3

Pre-TSM: 50-70 units
Week 1: about 20 units, 2 AF
Week 2: about 30 units, 4 AF
Week 3: 38 units, 2 AF (note: Week 4 has started off with 2 more AF)

In the third week, I noticed lethargy and a feeling of being "flat," disconnected from those around me. Pretty sure it was the Nal -- I've started Week 4 with 2 AF, meaning 2+ days with no Nal, and my spirits are up. Planning on exercise today to reinforce good endorphins. Remaining 10x more productive than I was when hung over all the time (for example, got some of my art accepted into a major gallery and cleaned out drawers and closets I've been meaning to tackle for about two years). Still drinking waaaay less than I used to and feeling clarity through most of drinking times. Still seeing 1/2-full bottles when I get up in the morning (that would never have happened before).

Still at a couple of Unisom plus about 5-7.5 mg Temazepam for sleep on AF nights. The Temazepam (benzo) is taking longer to get off of than I thought, but I'm still happy about being down from 60+ mg on every AF night.

I can see my units going up from Week 1, and I'm still anticipating a bigger spike. But I'm really, really happy with the progress.

[brightlite]

My NAL Trip

Seeking,

Sounds like you are having progress. I had two AF days last week, but think I had a spike over the weekend and drank way too much. Woke up feeling horrible and I am going for more AF days this week. Last night was AF and tonight I am going AF.

Interesting that you are an artist, there are alot of artists on MWO. I'm not, but try to sketch and work with pastels and pastel pencils. My pictures are very high schoolish I guess, but I like to try to be creative. Good luck with your gallery showing. Is it Oil or Acrylics....sculpting?

[seeking1]

My NAL Trip

Hi, Brightlite. The pieces I'm doing right now are assemblage. If you Google image Kienholz, something like that but in miniature.

I think creative/artistic types are prone to self-medication. For me, at first, alcohol lubricated my art. Then it began to harm it. Finally, the liquid spirits overwhelmed the real ones. I'm really glad to be marking progress as I find myself attracted to my artistic process again and putting feelers out. I hope you'll keep doing your work -- doesn't matter how serious it is, it nourishes us.