I hadn't realized how many people here I'd affected, or maybe even inspired until RedThread12 went looking for me. Then I started reading a few people's comments about my graph, and story on other threads.
It really made me think about when I was lost, and it seemed like I was walking through the fires of hell. I screamed so loud, so many times that I know God heard me, but didn't answer. It might sound bizarre, but that is such a distant memory for me now that I barely remember it. The demon is gone. Just *poof*...gone.
It was a very strange new feeling. All at once like...heh, like the switch we're always talking about was flipped, the light turned on and there I was. It was both amazing and normal at the same time. Like being freed from prison on one hand but almost like I'd never been there on the other. Throw a little time in there and that's how it became a distant memory.
Anyway, when I was there I do remember that I clung to every bit of knowledge and experience I could read about the people who had made it already. Sure I'd done my research and knew as much as there was to know about the path before me, you know I did. :H But what really gave me hope was to be able to interact with and watch the journey of the people who were already free.
It's a little selfish of me, but if I'm being honest with myself I have to admit that it's a little difficult to read through everyone's stories here sometimes. It brings back very painful, very real memories. But I do read them, they do ground me and now that I think about it, it's probably a good thing that they force me to remember what I've been through and where I come from.
Life without the demon IS amazing. It is so indescribably incredible. Throughout all my suffering I had hopes and dreams about who I knew I really was. I had hopes and dreams about what I knew I could do for myself and what I could do for other people. I am that person now and I'm doing all of those things. Instead of being a distant unobtainable truth now it is simply how I live my life. I breathe it, it's just normal.
I started a diet and exercise protocol that I'd developed for myself through years of research but could never put into action because I couldn't go more than 1 day without drowning myself in alcohol. I started it on Dec 1st. If you look at my graph that's like a couple of days after my first AF day.
I took the first picture here on Jan 3rd, and the other two on Feb. 12th. The one is the middle is my 'Ohhh' face (you got me) and that is my pants and belt in the lower part of the one on the right (nevermind what it looks like :H)
So the difference is 40 days. :shocked: If I had the foresight to take a picture on Dec 1st when I started I'd be even more shocked.
I now live and breathe this lifestyle like it's something I've always done and has just always been a part of me. It kind of always has been there under the surface, just out of reach.
It kind of feels funny for me to be in a position to give advice, but since I think that's where I'm at right now I'll say this:
Think about all of those things that you know you want but feels like you could never have, and plan out how you're gonna make them happen. There's nothing more powerful than an idle (sober) mind.
I love you all and think about you as if I were right there with you even though it hurts sometimes. :l
It really made me think about when I was lost, and it seemed like I was walking through the fires of hell. I screamed so loud, so many times that I know God heard me, but didn't answer. It might sound bizarre, but that is such a distant memory for me now that I barely remember it. The demon is gone. Just *poof*...gone.
It was a very strange new feeling. All at once like...heh, like the switch we're always talking about was flipped, the light turned on and there I was. It was both amazing and normal at the same time. Like being freed from prison on one hand but almost like I'd never been there on the other. Throw a little time in there and that's how it became a distant memory.
Anyway, when I was there I do remember that I clung to every bit of knowledge and experience I could read about the people who had made it already. Sure I'd done my research and knew as much as there was to know about the path before me, you know I did. :H But what really gave me hope was to be able to interact with and watch the journey of the people who were already free.
It's a little selfish of me, but if I'm being honest with myself I have to admit that it's a little difficult to read through everyone's stories here sometimes. It brings back very painful, very real memories. But I do read them, they do ground me and now that I think about it, it's probably a good thing that they force me to remember what I've been through and where I come from.
Life without the demon IS amazing. It is so indescribably incredible. Throughout all my suffering I had hopes and dreams about who I knew I really was. I had hopes and dreams about what I knew I could do for myself and what I could do for other people. I am that person now and I'm doing all of those things. Instead of being a distant unobtainable truth now it is simply how I live my life. I breathe it, it's just normal.
I started a diet and exercise protocol that I'd developed for myself through years of research but could never put into action because I couldn't go more than 1 day without drowning myself in alcohol. I started it on Dec 1st. If you look at my graph that's like a couple of days after my first AF day.
I took the first picture here on Jan 3rd, and the other two on Feb. 12th. The one is the middle is my 'Ohhh' face (you got me) and that is my pants and belt in the lower part of the one on the right (nevermind what it looks like :H)
So the difference is 40 days. :shocked: If I had the foresight to take a picture on Dec 1st when I started I'd be even more shocked.
I now live and breathe this lifestyle like it's something I've always done and has just always been a part of me. It kind of always has been there under the surface, just out of reach.
It kind of feels funny for me to be in a position to give advice, but since I think that's where I'm at right now I'll say this:
Think about all of those things that you know you want but feels like you could never have, and plan out how you're gonna make them happen. There's nothing more powerful than an idle (sober) mind.
I love you all and think about you as if I were right there with you even though it hurts sometimes. :l
ha ha
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